How to Talk to Your Teen About a Traumatic Event

The devastating fatal stabbing at last week's Frisco ISD track meet has deeply affected our community, leaving many parents concerned about their child's emotional well-being and the effect of trauma. 

Recognizing the need for support during this difficult time, Cook Children's physicians have come together to offer guidance and reassurance. Cook Children's Licensed Psychologist and Prosper Psychology Clinic Manager Christina York, Ph.D., provides valuable advice and guidance for parents navigating this sensitive situation. 

1. How do I help my teen make sense of something so senseless? 
When traumatic situations occur, we naturally want to make sense of them quickly. But when situations don’t seem to make any sense, it can help to think about what we can learn from the experience. 

2. What are the common signs of trauma in teenagers after witnessing or hearing about a violent event?
Teenagers who have experienced trauma may show several common signs, including:

• Trouble sleeping or nightmares 
• Feelings of sadness, helplessness and hopelessness 
• Difficulty concentrating, which can affect their schoolwork 
• Increased fear and anxiety 
• Loss of interest in usual activities 
• Social withdrawal 
• Avoiding things that remind them of the event (like talking about it) 
• Changes in appetite 
• Physical complaints such as stomachaches and headaches 
• Acting out 
• Feelings of anger, resentment or wanting revenge.

These reactions will generally subside over time. If they last for longer than a month or continue to worsen, parents may want to contact a mental health professional. 

3. If my teenager witnessed a traumatic event, is there anything I should look out for? How can I support them?
Pay attention to sudden changes in your child's behavior, speech patterns, and the way they express themselves, as well as strong emotions. Be particularly aware of:

Academic and Social Changes:

• Drastic drop in grades 
• Refusal or reluctance to go to school 
• Loss of interest in usual activities 
• Social withdrawal and increased isolation (which may include feeling numb and disconnected from themselves and others) 

Sleep and Emotional Reactivity Changes: 

• Changes in sleep patterns (difficulty sleeping, sleeping excessively, deliberately staying awake, frequent nighttime awakenings) 
• Increased reactivity (sudden mood swings, being easily startled and on edge, and/or quick to anger or tears). 

Support them by listening attentively and validating their feelings, even if you don’t agree with their emotional response. Instead of reacting negatively, try reflecting back what you hear them saying (for example, "It sounds like you're feeling scared and angry right now"). You might be surprised by how much they open up when you reflect instead of asking questions. Ask them directly how they're feeling and what they think about what happened. Always respect their choice to talk or not talk about the traumatic event. 

4. When should I seek professional help for my teen? 
If any of the signs of trauma listed above continue or worsen after two to three weeks, seeking professional help is advisable. Furthermore, any expression of suicidal thoughts is a critical warning sign requiring immediate professional attention. Additionally, engaging in risky behaviors like substance use, possibly as a way to avoid thinking, talking, or coping with the trauma, is another behavior that should be addressed quickly by a professional. 

5. How do I help my child process all of their emotions? 
First, be patient and never force your child to talk. Think of it as gently opening a door, not pushing it open. Reassure them that whatever they're feeling—sadness, anger, confusion, fear—is normal. If they don't want to discuss the traumatic event directly, encourage other forms of expression like drawing, journaling, music, art, or physical activity. 

Understand they might find it easier to talk to another trusted adult, such as a pastor, youth leader, teacher, counselor, coach, relative, or neighbor, and don't take it personally if they do. 

When your teen does decide to talk to you, ask how you can best support them: by simply listening, offering feedback, or helping to problem-solve. Be ready for any emotion they express and validate it without showing displeasure, anger, or frustration, even if it's unexpected. Instead of asking many questions, let your child guide the conversation and use open-ended questions. Remember that silence is acceptable; when they are ready, they will talk. 

6. What should I do if my teen is experiencing nightmares or flashbacks? 
Nightmares and flashbacks are common after trauma. If these symptoms continue for more than a couple of weeks, it may be helpful to seek help from a therapist experienced in trauma. Again, don't force your child to talk about nightmares. If they are experiencing a flashback, avoid startling them (like shaking or yelling). Instead, speak calmly, sit with them, and allow the flashback to pass.

7. What are some immediate coping strategies I can teach my teen to manage anxiety and fear?
Immediate coping strategies include: 

• Deep breathing: Slow, intentional breaths
• Grounding: Focus on your five senses to bring yourself to the present moment 
• Distraction: Engage in activities like holding ice, listening to calm music or watching something lighthearted 
• Physical activity: Movement can help release tension 
• Get creative: Activities like drawing or writing can provide an outlet for feelings. 

8. How do I help my teen feel safe again? 
Provide them with reassurance. Limit their exposure to repetitive news coverage on television, radio, and the internet, as this can prevent them from emotionally detaching from the traumatic situation. 

Talk with your teen about what they have seen or heard. Help them identify and focus on “cues of safety” in their environment, such as trusted people, rather than solely focusing on potential dangers. 

Because they may feel a loss of control, help them focus on what they can control, such as their choices, their bodies and their daily routines. Sticking to routines can provide a sense of predictability and stability, which is especially helpful when life feels unpredictable and chaotic. 

9. How can I address my own anxiety and fear without transferring it to my teen? 
Parents, please remember you are not alone. Talking with your partner or a trusted friend can alleviate your anxiety. Consider seeking your own individual therapy. Additionally, support groups for parents may be available through mental health clinics, churches, or other community resources, offering a space to connect, discuss fears and learn coping strategies. Taking care of your own well-being shows your children that seeking help is valuable. 

We encourage parents to engage in activities they enjoy, utilize helpful coping skills like deep breathing, mindfulness, meditation, physical activity, and journaling, and prioritize self-care, including sufficient sleep. It's okay for parents to communicate their feelings to their children calmly, as demonstrating their own coping skills in front of children can model healthy ways to manage anxiety and fear. 

Resources

Below is a list of resources for families, compiled by Cook Children’s physicians.

How to cope with traumatic stress
How to help children and teens manage their stress
How to Help Children Cope With Trauma - Child Mind Institute
Acute Stress Disorder in Children: A Quick Guide

Checkup Resources | Healing From the Inside Out | Cook Children's 
Behavior and Emotion Resources | Cook Children's 

The national suicide/crisis hotline (call, text, or chat options): 988 Lifeline