We know that play is a crucial part of children’s early development. It helps children build connections, learn, and remember. Some of the key qualities we look for in play include are they: engaging, interactive, enriching, and fun! It encourages creativity and problem solving, and the highest levels of preschoolers’ play are imaginative and story-based. So let’s explore how we can ensure these qualities apply to play when it involves a screen:

1.Open-ended – Look for Apps that are open-ended and allow for tinkering and experimenting. Kids can develop critical thinking skills by making guesses, trying it out, and then trying again in a different way.

2.People and places – Look for Apps that have characters and common places. These features allow children to “play a story” by creating characters and talking about what they do and go through. This can also be an outlet for children to role-play something they’ve gone through themselves, like a trip to the dentist or winning a soccer game.

3.Play partner – Some developers have created Apps that act as a third party in the child’s play. For example a birthday party App includes the table set-up and party favors on the screen. To play, children simply place their tablet between them and pass out their virtual plates and cupcakes. Conversations and interactions can happen just as they would with real toys.

4.Cooperate and communicate – Choose Apps that are easy to interact with and talk about, rather than those that involve passively watching, clicking, or swiping. For example, Apps in which you build, decorate, or create are great for taking turns and talking about what you’re making. Other apps let you create videos or simple animations to show others.

5.Simply visual – By their nature, Apps are colorful and visual. But also consider choosing Apps for their simplicity. Visual distractors like ads, pop-up boxes for in-app purchases, and constantly changing screens can make it hard for the brain to get into a focused mode for learning.

Regardless of the Apps you choose, many times the most critical element of playing with technology is the other people we play with. Watch as your kids play, but take your turn too! Talk to them about what you notice, ask questions about how they made it work, or show them something they may not have thought of previously.

Mr. Rogers once said, “Play is really the work of childhood.” In order for children to continue the work of learning and growing they need to be able to play, even if a screen is included. The key is to join in and play with them!

• Read more on the AAP’s recommendations for screen time
• Find Apps reviewed by educators
• Browse the best free Apps for preschoolers

I love to watch them play and have fun, but I’m not watching them every single second. I’m usually reading something on my laptop and I glance up here and there to see what they’re up to. More often than not, they’re pausing to get the rules straight before they conquer that which would destroy us all. However, I have found myself jumping from my seat and running to the back patio door to tell them to stop! Why? Because I notice them doing something with their sticks that has a high potential to hurt one or both of them.

In and of itself a stick is not dangerous. A stick is a stick. You can poke in the mud with it, you can use it to imagine slaying dragons, or you could run with it out in front of you (the tip only inches above the ground, bobbing with every stride) and potentially impale yourself with said stick. Or, you could witness your 4-year-old swinging his stick wildly as the 8 year old, backing up to prevent being struck, stumbles over a toy wheelbarrow while the 4-year-old continues his assault. That’s what got my attention.

So, let’s talk about sticks … I mean apps. It’s the same conversation. Sticks come in all shapes and sizes. Some may be too big for my 4-year-old to handle; however, being a bit older, my 8-year-old may not have a problem with a slightly larger stick. Comparing this to apps on the tablets, my 4-year old does not understand some of the games my 8-year-old might play; but, he loves Reading Eggs®! But, since my 8-year-old is reading chapter books, Reading Eggs® (which helped him at one time) is now a “boring baby game.” For one, the stick is too small. For the other, the stick is just right.

As they grow older, they will want to delve into apps that challenge their maturity level and hold their attention. In the tween years, they will become more and more enthralled with social apps. On into the teen years, connecting with friends will more than likely become far more important than playing Cut the Rope® or Where’s My Water?®. It’s during these transitional periods that we’ll want to glance up from the kitchen table to take a quick peek into the virtual backyard. Knowing how to do this is half the battle.

Any app – even ones designed specifically for the facilitation of risky behavior – can be used in a way that is benign. All children are different and most are going to push the boundaries at some point or another. It’s our job as parents to guide them. In order to guide them, we need to be able to “glance up” to see what they are doing. Are they using social media apps? Are they playing games? What apps do they have loaded on the device? Are they chatting with strangers? What information are they giving out? I could keep adding questions. First, let’s talk about the most dangerous app of all.

Depending on their temperament, maturity level, risk taking, decision making skills, and overall attitude, the most dangerous app could be between your child’s ears. On the flip-side, it could also be the best security app available. Apps are not dangerous. Impaling yourself with apps is dangerous. Teaching your child good decision making skills and helping them to keep their compass as north as possible is the number one best way to prevent harm, period. In order to do that, you have to be able to “glance up” to ensure the compass needle is not falling.

There are two ways to secure a mobile device. One way is preventative security. Net Nanny® is a great app for enforcing parental controls for younger children. It prevents the errant Youtube video from introducing your child to inappropriate content as they follow the rabbit hole after searching for Spiderman. As they get older (and a bit wiser), preventative security measures lose their potency and can lead to a false sense of security for the parent. That’s why I recommend monitoring software.

There are several monitoring software packages available and, as with apps in the app stores, they are a moving target. iSpyoo® for iOS and Android (and other mobile phones) has received an “outstanding” editor’s rating on CNET.com. The review (which can be found on the CNET.com site and a search for iSpyoo) is for Android specifically; however, iSpyoo’s website boasts that “iSpyoo works on all mobile phones and networks from around the world.” Whichever monitoring software you choose, ensure it (1) cannot be detected by your child and (2) can send periodic alerts to your email address. A quick scan of the activity could either set your mind at ease or raise red flags. However, in order for this to work, you must maintain ownership of the device.

As a security professional with over 20 years of experience, I am 100 percent against giving smartphones, tablets, and other devices as gifts unless the rules are laid out appropriately. My rule is that, until you are on your own, you are borrowing MY device. I am the administrator and you are my child. That phone is on MY data plan and, while I did name it as your phone on the carrier’s website, I still pay the bills and I can cancel at any time. If you lay these rules out from the beginning, you could potentially run into far fewer problems down the road.

The bottom line is, yes, there are apps on the markets that give us concern. Some apps can be used for setting up a rendezvous with a stranger in a dark alley. If I were to tell you about specific apps today, I would miss the ones that will be coming out next week, month, or year. In all of my research and expertise, I still have not figured out how to definitively foretell the future. I can predict with a high degree of certainty, however, that there will be more apps coming. Keeping track of what your child does on their phones, tablets or computers will always be the best way to protect them. Just remember to bring your own stick to the game.

About the author

Jody S. Hawkins, Information Systems Security Officer, has been in technology for medical facilities since early 2000 and has been practicing for more than 20 years with his start in the United States Air Force. He is a part of Cook Children's Experts on Call Speakers Bureau. Hawkins specializes in privacy and technology safety and is a regular speaker at the National HIT/HIPAA Conference. He has been quoted and published in several national publications, including Health Information Management Magazine.

Hawkins' can speak on a variety of security topics facing our children & parents today, including:

• Social media
• Cyber bullying
• Sexting
• Safety online (Parents & Child)
• General home networking security
• Virtual Child (Parents)
• Internet Safety (Parents & Child)

The summer is coming to an end and so is our time blogging about reducing our household media time. To finish up the series, I thought I would interview the kids and ask them what they thought about our summer experiment. The answers are very real and brutally honest. .

What was the best part of our screen free experiment this summer?

Max, age 11.5 years – “Hanging out with my friends at the pool more.”

Morgan, age 10 years – “In Michigan, it was like fun because we weren’t always on the screen and stuff, and we had more things to do with the world.”

Matthew, age 6 years – “Nothing at all.”

What was the worst part of being screen free?

Maxwell – “I couldn’t catch up on all the things I was missing on my games and less time playing with my friends (online).”

Morgan – “When I wanted the electronics because there was literally nothing to do, you wouldn’t let me have them, and that really annoyed me.”

Matthew – “I couldn’t play with anybody (online).”

What can we learn from our screen free summer?

Maxwell – “I learned that I play with my friends more online than I do in real life during the summer, not during the school year, but during the summer.”

Morgan – “Video games aren’t the answer to happiness.There are other things you can do besides electronics.”

Matt – “It (the computer) will make you mad if you watch it too long.”

Would you do this screen free experiment again?

Maxwell  - “No.”

Morgan - “I don’t know, maybe, if we go to Michigan, or a different state.”

Matthew – “Um, no.”

What should our family work on next?

Maxwell – “Playing more sports. That would be so much easier.”

Morgan – “Manners. Our family should work on being nicer to each other (siblings fighting). Being more serious about the screen free thing because we still played it a lot.”

Matthew – “Clean the house.”

The answers made me pause and think that while we actually had some pretty great screen free moments this summer, we still have some work to do (and we need to clean the house).

I am so incredibly grateful to Dr. Mangham and to Cook Children’s for this unusual summer experiment! Although we were not “screen free” and did not manage to “go dark” very often, being asked to write about our efforts really opened my eyes to just how much time we do spend on the screen, how much we depend on it and just how capable we are of living without it. We are a family that is “off” more than we are “on” now, and will continue to strive to use it less and less every day.

Thanks so much everyone!

Previous media free stories:

• 'TV head' - Could you unplug?
• Going media free - part 1
• Breaking it to the crew - part 2
• 'Operation Unplug' - part 3
• We far from nailed it - part 4
• Screen free for 20 days - part 5

About the author

Aubrey Conklin, moved to Texas from Michigan via Chicago almost 10 years ago. She’s been married for 14 years and is the  mom to three kids ages 11,10 and 6. A huge sports fan who not only loves all things Detroit sports but spends her own free time playing soccer, volleyball and softball. Aubrey is a part time preschool teacher as well, a volunteer for her kid's school. 

We took a 20 day trip to Michigan this summer. We took a 20 day trip  and I had agreed to go “screen free” for Cook’s Children’s. Boy, whose awesome idea was that?

So far in our little summer experiment, we had not exactly been “screen free” and I was telling the world via blog, all about our constant failures to eliminate electronics from our lives. I was determined that we were going to get some serious screen free time in while we were in Michigan. By golly, I would have some kind of success with this project and have something inspiring and monumental to report back to everyone who had been taking the time to read our summer blog! No pressure ...

I had Cook Children’s and our little experiment in mind when I packed for the trip. I took the time to buy books, coloring tablets and games for the kids to play on the plane and for ALL the driving we would be doing. But I also packed the electronics. Ok, I packed the electronics and at some points during the trip they were immensely helpful and appreciated and I was glad they were there. Ok, I admit it.

In typical Team Conklin fashion, we were not perfect, but we had some pretty awesome screen free moments. We had a looooooong two-hour drive to a lake cabin. Living in DFW, my kids do not usually have to sit in the car for more than 15 minutes to go anywhere. I was bracing myself for this one and my autopilot self casually offered the kids some electronics for the ride.

From the backseat I heard, “I think I will go scween fwee today” from the 6 year old. Wait, what? What? Little man just up and decided he was going to road trip it without any electronic assistance. I was floored, and skeptical, but that little dude made it two hours no problem.

For some of my sweet friends reading, I know this is not a big deal for your child and they may long road trip it daily screen free. But for us, this was huge and exciting. And you know what? We had a lovely ride, we talked a lot, a whole lot. He rested. We played car bingo. It was really really fun. Even my middle girl had a mini moment. The battery on her cell phone died early on in our drive and she didn’t ask to charge it or to have another device. She quietly picked up a book and read for the rest of the trip. Maybe, just maybe, even though we aren’t totally screen free yet, our dramatic daily reduction is really starting to have an impact.

We made it to the cabin and had a blast swimming, kayaking, canoeing, making s'mores ... the total typical vacation by the lake stuff. It was awesome and void of most electronics most of the time. One interesting observation during our trip. The less time the kids spent on the screen, the better they slept. Good, solid, deep, healthy sleep. And the parts of the trip where the screen time was increased, sleep quality decreased. Monumental and inspiring? Maybe not, but things are changing around here….

Previous media free stories:

• 'TV head' - Could you unplug?
• Going media free - part 1
• Breaking it to the crew - part 2
• 'Operation Unplug' - part 3
• We far from nailed it - part 4

About the author

Aubrey Conklin, moved to Texas from Michigan via Chicago almost 10 years ago. She’s been married for 14 years and is the  mom to three kids ages 11,10 and 6. A huge sports fan who not only loves all things Detroit sports but spends her own free time playing soccer, volleyball and softball. Aubrey is a part time preschool teacher as well, a volunteer for her kid's school. 

I had just agreed to write about how our family is going to drastically reduce their screen time over the summer. Now to break it to the kids. I was actually a little nervous about their reactions. After all, I had created three media junkies.

We were at the eye doctor. I was watching all three kids play on their handheld devices. My original plan was to have a big family meeting after dinner and explain the plan. But instead, in the waiting room I simply blurted out, “We are going to go almost totally screen free for the rest of the summer.” I was waiting for the big wails and sobs and yells of protests, but I don’t think they believed me. They sort of chuckled and looked back down at their games. I explained that I had been asked to write about the experience on a regular basis, and we were really going down to one hour a day. Oh buddy. That got their attention.

My middle girl, Morgan, 10 years old, said, “You know, that might be fun, we may learn something.” 

That was about it as far as the family taking it well.

Our youngest, Matthew, 6 years, said, “I don’t want to.”

Our oldest boy, Max, 11 years, said, “What? Wait, what? When? For just this weekend? Are you sure? Mom, this is not going to work. Can I pay for extra time? Can we start in September? What are we gonna DO all summer if we can’t play games?” 

You get the drift, Max is not happy. Like at all. This line of questioning went on for hours. I think I saw him actually go through some of the stages of grief to be honest, especially the denial and bargaining part. Poor guy.

I told the kids my plan is to allow them one hour a day with the option to earn an additional hour a day by doing certain chores and tasks. I figure we can set it up together. Maybe a family trip to Hobby Lobby to buy a fancy chore chart, stickers. You know, all that cool stuff I see on Pinterest, but never actually do.

I decided to give the kids 24 hours to mentally prepare. The two youngest ones want to start now. My oldest, not so much. I know there are going to be special circumstances that may result in the kids getting additional time (I bet Max will be the first to point ALL of them out) and I am not totally sure how this is going to go. I have to admit, I have gone from being completely freaked out by the idea to actually a little curious how our summer is going to change now that we will be a lot less distracted. 

Previous media free stories:

• 'TV head' - Could you unplug?
• Going media free - part 1

Aubrey Conklin, moved to Texas from Michigan via Chicago almost 10 years ago. She’s been married for 14 years and is the  mom to three kids ages 11,10 and 6.  A huge sports fan who not only loves all things Detroit sports but spends her own free time playing soccer, volleyball and softball.  Aubrey is a part time preschool teacher as well, a volunteer for her kid's school. 

My family consists of five media junkies. I am not even going to pretend we aren't. When our kid’s pediatrician, Dr. Kim Mangham, called to ask me about blogging about media this summer, I couldn't hear her because our TV was too loud.

I thought we had it under control. My family is very active. The kids play sports and swim. We go to different events and activities together all the time. But despite being so active, with all the hand-held games, TVs, computers, laptops, smart phones, tablets and video game consoles, we still manage to cram in A LOT of media time during the day.

The week before Dr. Mangham called, I had taken all my kids (11, 10 and 6) to their annual well check appointment. (Taking all three kids at the same time to their well check was either my most genius or dumbest idea yet. The jury is still out. It was crazy.)

I did give myself props because I remembered to charge everyone’s device of choice before the well check. So while everyone played on their devices, Dr. Mangham discussed with us summer safety and attempted to explain the importance of reducing media time. Dr. Mangham also mentioned that two of her patients’ parents were considering going media free for the summer. I allegedly said something agreeable to this statement and by the next week Dr. Mangham called to ask if I wanted to blog about my attempts to go media free.

I panicked. I didn't mean like really go media free. How would we go screen free? How would my kids talk to their friends? What about FaceTime with the grandparents? Use all those educational apps? What am I going to do if someone calls and I need to talk? Just not turn on the TV to their favorite program? Those Minecraft houses don't build themselves you know! How am I going to tell them? We are flying in July and I have a big meeting tomorrow!! How do you do this? Cold turkey? Reduce but not eliminate? What would we all do if we are not connected to the world?

The more questions I came up with, the more I realized that in our house media is a crutch.

We are going to try it. And our goal? To simply try and find a healthy balance when it comes to our media consumption on a daily basis

I am not sure how our journey is going to play out. Plan A (because plan A always works right?) is to reduce. We will limit our media to one hour a day,  with a chance to EARN up to another hour. Hey, maybe my baseboards will get cleaned this summer!

First things first. I have to break it to the family. Screen time as they know it is about to change!!