With more kids at home and without a lot to do, it’s not surprising most of us have eased up on our screen-time restrictions during the current COVID-19 pandemic.

However, statistics show it’s now more important than ever to be aware of what our children are doing online.

Tragically, the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC) report a significant increase in online child sexual exploitation.

Specifically, CyberTipline reports a 106% increase of suspected child sexual exploitation in March 2020 (2,027,520 reports) as compared to March 2019 (983,734 reports).

The greater amount of time a child/teen is online, along with the amount of free time now available to them, increases the risk that individuals may attempt to coerce kids into providing sexually explicit images or videos.

Perpetrators attempt to make casual contact in hopes of gaining a child’s trust and developing an online sexual relationship. Often these criminals threaten the child/teen in some manner to maintain compliance.

Unfortunately, children/teens are often so embarrassed that they were naïve and enticed or coerced to engage in these behaviors that it prevents them from coming forward. So it is imperative that they understand this was not their fault, they are not in trouble and by reporting they are actually helping others.

It is critical to keep in mind that reporting suspected sexual exploitation could help minimize or stop further victimization. If you suspect or know someone is a victim of child sexual exploitation you can:

• Contact your local law enforcement agency.
• Contact your local FBI field office.
• File a report with the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC) at 1-800-843-5678 or online at www.cybertipline.org.

The problem is these apps simply aren’t for children under any circumstance and can lead to tragic consequences.

On Feb. 11, a 44-year-old Arlington man was arrested of sexually assaulting four students in the Keller ISD.

Reports say the man met the girls through a website called Seeking/Arrangement.com. Other sites parents should be concerned about include Grindr, Tinder and KIK.

“The problem with these message apps is that it’s really hard to find the perpetrators after they use them,” said Jamye Coffman, M.D., pediatrician and medical director for Cook Children’s Advocacy Resource and Evaluation. “That information is difficult to find. So it can be very anonymous. It’s very dangerous for teenagers because they don’t really know who is on the other side.”

With the GPS devices on the apps of these sites, your teenage kid could give a complete stranger the location of your home. They may come into mom and dad’s home without you even knowing it. 

Coffman said that the reason for the bad judgment can be directly related to basic science.

“Teenagers and younger-aged children just aren’t able from a developmental standpoint to really grasp the consequences of what they are doing,” Coffman said. “Their frontal lobe of their brain hasn’t finished developing. Their impulse control is not very good. It’s up to the parents to know what their kids are up to. They have to know what’s on their child’s phone. Parents need to look at their phones and see what apps they’re using and talk to them about it.”

And with kids becoming more tech savvy in elementary school, the need for conversations about predators and sex must begin at an earlier age than ever before.

“The goal is to get them to adulthood, right? Where they can learn and make their own decisions,” Coffman said. “They do have to have natural consequences. That’s the only way they are going to learn. So you do have to let them have some consequences but you don’t want it to be something that’s either life threatening or life altering. As a parent, you can’t allow that to happen. It’s hard as a parent to talk to your kid about sex and the dangers out there. It’s really hard to have those open, non-judgmental conversations. It may be your pediatrician, if you aren’t able to have that conversation. But someone has to talk to them. It’s too important to just ignore the issues facing our kids these days.”

Parents, want to keep your children away from predators? Then be a snoop.

That’s the advice of Dr. Coffman, who is not just talking as an expert in caring for and knowing the signs of abused children, she’s speaking as a mom.

“Parents need to be nosy,” Coffman said. “Your kids may say, ‘It’s my phone.” But you’re paying for it. It’s what I used to tell my kids growing up. If you live in my home, there is no supposition that you are going to have privacy. There is no privacy if I’m paying your bills. I have the right to go in your room. I have the right to look at your phone. I have the right to look in your backpack. I have the right to look in your mattress and in the ceiling tiles and anywhere else you might hide stuff because it’s my house. I think parents are hesitant to take that role. They are so conflicted in what’s Ok and what’s not Ok for their child’s privacy. It’s just a concern for safety. If it’s something that’s a safety issue, you have a right to know.”

Jody Hawkins, Information Security Officer at Cook Children’s, seconds Dr. Coffman’s sentiments regarding privacy of children. In presentations that he gives to parents, Hawkins cautions parents to lay down the rule early.

“This is my phone, on my plan, and I pay the bills,” he said. “If you do not follow my rules, then I stop paying for the phone you are borrowing from me. If I stop paying, the phone stops working. It’s as simple as that.

Hawkins encourages spyware to be installed on children’s phones by the parents. He asks parents, “Would you allow your child to take a stranger into the bathroom, lock the door and have no worries? They usually answer, ‘No.’ I then tell them that if they allow the child to take the phone into the bathroom with no monitoring, they could very well be doing it all the time.”

It’s the world we live in today. If you want to protect your children parents, be a snoop.

But it doesn’t make her any less infuriated by the actions of an adult taking away the innocence of a child. Dr. Coffman said parents need to take certain steps to teach their children how to protect themselves:

1. Educate your children. Most importantly, educate your children about the dangers of predators. “The main thing is to educate your child and let them know what is not appropriate. What’s not OK,” Coffman said. “For children, young adults reading this, it’s not OK to be touched inappropriately. I don’t care who it is. Mom. Dad. Grandma. Grandpa. A family friend. A pastor. A police. A coach. It doesn’t matter who the authority figure is. If you are being abused, tell a trusted adult. If they don’t believe you or do something about it, keep telling an adult until someone does something.”
2. Start at a young age, making children aware of what is and what isn’t inappropriate touching. Dr. Coffman said at around 2 or 3 years old parents can use certain teaching moments to inform children on inappropriate touching. “When you are bathing your child that’s a good opportunity,” she said. “Make sure to name their body parts. I don’t care what you call it, just make sure your children know what their privates are called. During a bath or while they are using the potty, use that opportunity to teach them the difference between caregivers performing necessary child care during bathing or toileting and inappropriate touches. Let children know if someone else makes them feel funny or uncomfortable by touching them, to let you know.”
3. Let your children know it’s OK to talk to you. Generally speaking, Dr. Coffman said pedophiles don’t usually start out being extremely aggressive. They usually start with more generic touching and gaining the child’s trust. Dr. Coffman said that’s why it is extremely important to let your children know that they need to be able to come to you, as a parent, and let you know of anything that’s inappropriate. They also need to be assured that they will not get in trouble if they tell you they are uncomfortable about anything.
4. Communicate and report abuse. Let your child know to tell someone. Just letting someone know and reporting the crime can prevent a whole lot of tragedy.