My girls are just beginning to experience the downtime of summer. My early-risers are finally trying to sleep in longer. They are no longer allowed to start their days with their iPads because it immediately affects their attitudes. But that means that the dining room table is covered in crafts and unfinished projects to keep little hands busy.

This is the season of yelling “CLOSE THE DOOR!” a million times a day, and for the next few months, I will be a short-order cook rotating between their desires for grilled cheese, quesadillas, mini-pizzas, chicken nuggets and everything in between. It’s so fun, but it takes us a good chunk of time to really get into our summer rhythm.

Summertime is long awaited for many kids and teens, but unfortunately, summer can bring about depression in children and teens similar to the cold days of winter. Often in the emergency room, we start to see kids begin to struggle during the last weeks of school and then again in the last weeks of summer. The number of kids struggling with their mental health rises during these times. We know that transitions can be difficult and surrounded by anxiety for kids and parents alike. 

As much as kids love the idea of not being tied down to schoolwork and getting a break from the grind, the routine and expectations of school coupled with time with friends and activities, can make summer feel chaotic, dull, and ultimately lonely. Many parents still have to work full-time jobs while their kids are out of school, which can mean a lot of unsupervised time for kids.

It is easy for kids to get their schedules completely flipped – sleeping all day and staying up all night. They begin to spend hours in front of their screens including video games, social media and hours of endless scrolling. Once the summer is in full swing, it can be easy to miss the signs of summer blues that your kids may be experiencing. There are a few things that you can do as a parent or caregiver to help with these blues and maybe prevent some of them.

Establish a Summertime Routine

Kids are immediately out of routine. They finally get to sleep in and have no real time constraints on their day. They have zero rhythm to their days and little expectation.

Years ago, I realized this was not going to work for my kids for the whole summer. To keep some peace in my home and give my girls the best chance for transitions back into school, we needed to have at the very least a loose schedule for the summer. For us that has looked like some quiet activities in the morning. This could be reading, crafts, or play time. iPads do not turn on before 10 am.

I ask them to get dressed, brush their teeth and get ready for the day. We make beds in our home, so we keep that up even in the summertime. They are in charge of their own breakfasts, but sometime before noon. When their iPads turn on at 10 am, they have a limited amount of time on them, so they have to manage when they use their time. We have lunch a little after noon, then they can do some outside activities. Sometimes we go on a bike ride, swim or they play with neighbors or friends.

When they were younger, we had another quiet time in the afternoon that was no screen time.  Around 4 pm, we do a clean-up time to get ready for dinner and then plan to spend time together as a family after dinner. Not every day looks exactly like this, but it has been so, so helpful to have a rhythm. This lets them know what to expect.

Many times, when we plan to go somewhere, I try to do that in the morning before lunch so that we can have some rhythm to our afternoon. For my school-aged girls and pre-teen, this rhythm is so important for their brains and emotions throughout the day.

Limit screen time

Limiting screen time is so important. It is so easy for all of us to fall into hours of screen time and not get anything done all day. I am guilty of this as an adult, and we know the damage it is having on our kids and teens. Hours of scrolling are not beneficial to their developing brains.

Our girls’ iPads have a filter on them that I control from my phone. This has been an important investment for us. I can control the time their iPads come “on” and the time that they are able to be on them in a day. I also can see EVERYTHING that they search or look at in a day while also blocking and filtering the content that they can see. I can do this from work, which is super helpful. There are many options for this, but I highly encourage this.

The level at which our kids are being exposed to developmentally inappropriate content along with engaging in dangerous material is astounding. The effects of screen time on children’s brains and development are proven to be detrimental in many ways.

We are seeing the mental health of our kids and teens suffer the more they scroll. My kids have screen time limited to 2 hours during the week and 3 hours on the weekend during the summer months. They are only able to have about 30 minutes on weekdays during the school year to talk with friends and then 3 hours on the weekend. My girls are school-age and preteen. I know that some of these limits will need to change as my girls get older. I also find, like I mentioned before, that our days go much better when my kids do not start their day or end their days with screen time. We try to keep screen time sandwiched in between other activities.

Set Aside Time to Connect with Your Kids

This is something that can be challenging especially if you are working full-time. This quality time is important in the summer as well as the school year. I find, though, that summertime is a great opportunity to reconnect in different ways with your kids without the intensity of school schedules and activities getting in the way.

I try to do bike rides, plan a special outing, read a book with my girls, play a game, etc. Any time that I can get with them one-on-one time with them is even better. Our kids are looking to connect and belong. We want to be the first place that they belong. Prioritizing this time will be one of the best things you do all summer for your kids!

Say YES Where You Can

Lastly, this is the challenge for the parents. We can help our kids by saying yes where we can. Say yes to the walk, to the game, or to friends coming over. If you are the stay-at-home mom, say yes to being the house where the kids can hang out for the afternoon. Say yes to water balloon fights and water play. Say yes to the mess when you can. Say “yes” and “sure” when your margin allows. Our yes is often the bright part of the day for our kids and the things they remember the most.

Summers can be a time when memories are made and the best moments are ingrained in our kids’ minds. So, while the summertime blues can pop up, with a little bit of intentionality and a few yeses, we can combat them and help our kids have some bright summer days!

But, at what cost?

Physicians, psychologists and child development experts have warned of the dangers of too much screen time for years as studies show that it can negatively impact everything from a child’s eyesight, to weight, to sleep and to mental and behavioral health.

“The reality is kids are spending way too much time on screens,” said Lisa Elliott, PhD, licensed psychologist and manager of Cook Children’s Denton Behavioral Health Clinic. “There are a lot of studies now that show that too much internet gaming and too much social media causes structural and functional changes in the brain. But there’s also a chemical response, too, just like an addictive reaction to a drug.”

In 2015, the National Institutes of Health launched a multi-year research project called the Adolescent Brain Cognitive Development (ABCD) study to examine the impact of a number of childhood experiences—screen time included—on the social, emotional, mental, behavioral and academic health of youth. The study partners with leading adolescent development and neuroscience researchers all over the country as they follow 10,000 children from pre-adolescence into adulthood. It’s the largest long-term study of brain development and child health in the United States, according to the study’s website.

Early data from ABCD research released in 2018 demonstrates a correlation between screen time and premature thinning of the cerebral cortex, or the outermost layer of the brain that processes information from the five senses. While maturation of the cortex is normal with age, research indicates it’s happening faster in kids glued to screens versus those who are not, although more investigation is needed to determine why and to understand what it means for the cognitive health of children, according to articles linked on abcd.org.

So what is a parent to do, especially in 2020 when online learning became every kid’s virtual reality and exponentially increased their exposure to screens?

“We have got to control our kids’ time in front of screens as much as possible and take part in activities that promote deep, close family interaction,” Dr. Elliott said. “I am a huge believer in family dinners and making them fun. One idea is to appoint a family king or queen of dinner each night and that person gets to pick the meal idea and help prepare it.”

Dr. Elliott also believes in sparking communication with your kids by sharing the highs and lows of the day.

“This helps kids open up and talk about their daily experiences, challenges and feelings and how to work through them,” she said.

The upcoming holiday break gives kids the perfect opportunity to walk away from their screens as both online and in-person learning come to a halt for a few weeks. We asked Lauren Lasrich, a Cook Children’s child life specialist, to help generate ideas for parents on how to set the stage for a screen-free winter break.

“As child life specialists, we use play for kids to express their emotions and feel a sense of control over their environment,” Lasrich said. “In uncertain times like now, it’s important to help kids express their emotions through creativity and connection with others. These ideas not only help kids feel in control, but also helps them express their feelings about their experience and understanding about what’s going on in the world.”

Screen Free Family Time

• Set aside time on a beautiful day to take a walk, have a picnic, ride bikes or play an outdoor game together.
• Make a gratitude list together with your child to generate discussion on life’s blessings, big and small. Hang the list somewhere each family member can see as a daily reminder for thankfulness.
• Kids love board games. Pull out your family’s favorite for a weekly game night.
• Let each person in the family choose a recipe and help cook/bake it together each evening.
• Make slime or kinetic sand together.
• Create a family kindness jar that includes ideas for acts of kindness. Every day or week, have each family member draw an act of kindness from the jar and complete the act for a parent, sibling or friend.
• Go camping in your backyard.
• Have a scavenger hunt. This can be done indoors or outdoors. It can be as easy as hunting for certain household or outdoor items in a particular color, or writing your own unique clues. Have each child write one clue of their own to stoke their creativity.
• Decorate the house as a family for the holidays or bake and decorate Christmas cookies together.
• Have a holiday music family sing along.
• Read a story as a family every night.
• Create and bury a time capsule. This year has been full of history-making circumstances. Have each child write a letter about the year and its impact on them as individuals or as a family and what they hope for the future.
• Throw on your favorite festive jammies and drive thru neighborhoods to look at holiday lights. Don’t forget to take along a cup of hot cocoa!

Need a few quiet, kid-free minutes to yourself? Here are some screen-free activities kids can do on their own.

• If you’re doing any online holiday shopping you probably have an abundance of empty cardboard boxes. Give them to your child to make it into something creative. A cardboard gingerbread house? A train? A car? Give them some supplies and let them loose with their imagination.
• Draw pictures or write letters to someone special. Think about who might be alone for the holidays, or who could use some cheering up. Not only does this occupy your child, but allows them to brighten the day of someone else through their creativity and thoughtfulness.
• Write in a journal. If your child isn’t sure how to begin, give them a writing prompt. One idea is to write out their goals for 2021 and their plans for how they can be accomplished. This will help keep their writing skills sharp while on break, too.
• Create an “okay to get messy” area where your child can play freely with the slime you made together.
• Encourage reading by having them build a reading den or fort where they can cuddle up with a good book.
• Make a homemade board game. Another use for those empty cardboard boxes!
• Listen to music and dance. This keeps them occupied and gets them moving.
• Play hide and seek. It’s an oldie but goodie!
• Make up a story and share it with someone special. Put together props and costumes and act it out for the family.
• Create a comic strip.

Most of all, enjoy the holidays and time connecting as a family. Be together away from the screens and take a moment to decompress from the stress of this year.

At best, the mom is rolling her eyes and pulling her phone out to hand to her screaming child.

“Children under 2 years of age should have no screen time and after 2 years, we should limit screen time to 2 hours per day.”

There is the common summary statement that can be taken out of the AAP Policy Statement on Children, Adolescents and the Media.

Is this realistic?

Is this practical?

Is anyone listening to anything we say?

In May, a meeting of the best minds in the use of media in pediatrics set out to answer these questions as well as look at recent research on the use of screens in children and teenagers.

In order to get information about the meeting out quickly, AAP News released a summary of some of the thoughts that came out of the meeting.

If you read the headlines that were generated as a result of the statement, you might have heard:

“Pediatricians think all screen time is OK. Go for it!”

“Pediatricians finally admit that they were dead wrong and outdated when they said toddlers shouldn’t use screens.”

“Pediatric guidelines now changed to allow for more screen time, at earlier ages.”

Unfortunately, we don’t always get the time to fully explain our message and the media doesn’t always get it right.

Here are my takeaways from the statement that I hope better reflect the intent of the authors:

1. What you might have heard: “Pediatricians think all screen time is OK. Go for it!”

What it should have said: “We need to continue to be careful about the amount of time children are on screens. Guiding them toward quality apps and games that are more than just watching a video is important. Watching and playing alongside your children helps to enrich the experience for the family as a whole.”

2. What you might have heard: “Pediatricians finally admit that they were dead wrong and outdated when they said toddlers shouldn’t use screens.”

What it should have said: “The benefit of screen time for toddlers is an ongoing topic of research but it is clear that children continue to learn best from interacting with and talking to other humans. One of the major risk of screen time is the time take away from rich interaction with parents and other caregivers.”

3. What you might have heard: “Pediatric guidelines now changed to allow for more screen time, at earlier ages.”

What it should have said: “While this statement is not a new guideline, it does highlight the AAP commitment to following new research in regards to screen use and helping to relay that information to parents as soon as possible. As more information comes available, we will update our guidelines to reflect current studies in the context of practical media use for children.

Do continue to follow this debate because the guidelines are likely to change over time. (P.S. That’s what guidelines should do in a new and heavily researched field.)

Don’t go out and buy your 1 year old her own iPad.

We attempted to go media free and wouldn’t you know? Nailed it!!!

Just kidding. We far from nailed it.

Ok guys, this is HARD.

The Conklins are not taking to going screen free likes ducks to water. Like. At. All.

You know the ancient proverb "fall down seven times, stand up eight?" One of my favs.

Well we have fallen down 7,000 times with this project, but we keep trying to getting up. We are at 7,001 at the moment.

The exciting news is that we have learned a healthy balance exists. We have learned that we do great without it. When we are unplugged, we are awesome! Unfortunately, it's just a bugger of a habit that is soooo easy to slip back into. This has been a frustrating experiment, but that fact that we struggle means we need to be doing this.

Going media free really is just as simple as removing the screens from the family. After simply telling the kids, “no,” you have to listen to them belly ache for a short time before they go off and find something to do.

I am going to be honest, I enjoy my screen time just as much (if not more) than the kids! I like texting people, playing Words with Friends and reading news articles online. I even do a bible study with a cool app on my phone!

Almost everything I do can be done on my phone! So when I want to get on my phone or watch a TV show, I then let the kids jump on their devices. I think my own personal enjoyment of screen time may be what is keeping us from being truly successful at this (oh my gosh, did I just admit that?)

We have worked hard to make sure the family is “off” the screen more than “on” during the day and that seems pretty manageable. The kids are getting it! They know our goal is to spend more time doing other things besides being on the screen. They don’t argue as much when I declare, “We are screen free until X, Y and Z are complete.” We are doing pretty well decreasing our screen time. Having said that, I would really like to fulfill my pledge to this blog and get to a point where we are just “off” all the time. We are working on it.

I am excited because we are going to Michigan this summer. For part of the trip we will be “Up North” where it is pretty hard to get cell phone service and I plan to ditch the hand- held games before we go.

The Conklins will be screen free before the summer is over, even if it means we have to hang out in the woods for a few days to do it.

Previous media free stories:

• 'TV head' - Could you unplug?
• Going media free - part 1
• Breaking it to the crew - part 2
• 'Operation Unplug' - part 3