At a minimum, COVID-19 has clearly upended our normal day-to-day functioning. However, for many this pandemic has had a devastating impact.

It’s reported that one-third of the entire global population has been in lockdown mode with school closures impacting an estimated 1.5 billion children worldwide. There are many things to worry about right now when it comes to keeping our families safe and healthy.

Now, we must also worry about the very serious risks associated with your child’s increased online activity.

One of those risks is cyberbullying, and unfortunately 87% of our children and teens have seen cyberbullying online, either as a victim or observer.

With that high rate of occurrence during normal times, there’s legitimate concern for increased risk of children experiencing cyberbullying. After all, most kids have increased time on devices, free time, and frustration.

To further complicate this issue, children and teens may end up suffering silently because they do not have the normal outlets accessible to them to seek help, specifically school counselors, teachers, coaches and peers.

Furthermore, the visual cues that are evident with some types of bullying are not observed, thus bullying incidents go unnoticed and not investigated.

It is critical for parents to be armed with information to help increase their awareness, know what behaviors to look for, how to talk to their child and/or teen and how to help.

Where Cyberbullying Occurs

According to Ditch the Label students identified the social media platforms they experienced cyberbullying on the most:

1. Instagram (42%)
2. Facebook (37%)
3. Snapchat (31%)
4. WhatsApp (12%)
5. YouTube (10%)
6. Twitter (9%)

The Impact of Cyberbullying

Cyberbullying has shown to have a significant negative impact on children and teens including a negative impact on learning, an increase in somatic complaints (i.e., headaches, stomach aches, sleep disturbance), an increase in depression and social anxiety, lowered self-esteem, negative impact on relationships and possible behavior problems.

Thus, it is critical that parents be aware of potential bullying/cyberbullying in order to help their child/teen cope effectively and empower them.

Certain populations are targeted more than others:

• Girls (35%) are more likely to be a victim than boys (26%), according to the Pew Research Center.
• More than half of all children and teens who identify as LGBTQ experienced cyberbullying, according to StopBullying.

What to look for: The signs a child/teen may be a victim of cyberbullying

• Avoiding the use of computers/devices, especially those that have internet access – this is the biggest flag.
• Exhibit anxiety when receiving a text, some type of message or an email.
• Withdrawing from family and friends.
• Isolation.
• Increased agitation, irritability and moodiness.
• Increased anxiety and feelings of being stressed out.
• Exhibits signs of depression, fear or low self-esteem.
• Increased somatic complaints such as headaches and stomach aches or they stop eating.
• Changes in sleep patterns, possibly an increase in nightmares.
• Declining grades.
• Resist attending school and social events, possibly a change in friend group.
• Skipping school and/or getting into trouble at school.
• Increased behavior problems or getting in trouble at school.
• In serious case attempting self-harm and/or suicidal thoughts.

Behaviors to look for that might suggest your child/teen is the cyberbully:

• Stop using their computer/device when someone comes near them.
• Secretive about what they are doing online.
• Spend an excessive amount of time on their computer/device.
• Look nervous or jumpy when they are online.
• Become aggressive and angry when their online activity is limited or removed.

What can parents do to help?

Parents beginning from a young age need to have and encourage open and frequent dialogue in general about bullying and cyberbullying, especially as they gain more access to computers and technology. The reality is bullying is not limited to children and teens, unfortunately it is common among adults as well, so it is important to teach and model healthy social and emotional functioning from an early age. Be sure to talk about what bully/cyberbullying is and how to know when it is happening.

Directly ask your child/teen if they have been or are being bullied/cyberbullied, be willing to share either personal experiences or those of close friends and family so they realize they are not alone. Many children/teens won’t tell their parents that they are being cyberbullied because they are afraid they will lose their computer/device and Internet privileges so it is imperative that you communicate they will not lose their privileges if they are being cyberbullied. Encourage them to unplug from technology or certain apps but do not threaten to take away access.

Teach your child/teen tips on how to stay safe with technology including never sharing their Internet passwords with anyone except parents, never send messages when they are upset or angry, always be polite online – never say something to someone else that would hurt them personally, never put anything online that they would not want their parents to know, never post their own or others’ personal information, refuse to pass along any cyberbully messages and teach them how to be a good bystander – stand up for others and tell others to stop engaging in cyberbully behavior.

Parents need to keep themselves current on technology, apps and acronyms. They should also use parental control apps on your child/teen’s computer and devices. In addition, parents should limit data access and turn off access during certain hours, make it mandatory that you know your child/teen’s passwords and know who your child/teen communicates with online.

If your child/teen does report to you they are being cyberbullied these are guidelines to help you and your child/teen:

• NEVER respond to any message, text or post, regardless of how untrue or hurtful it is
• NEVER seek revenge
• SAVE all the evidence
• Report any issue to the Internet Service Provider (ISP), or social media websites such as Facebook, YouTube
• Report any threats of harm or sexual messages to police
• Report all information to school authorities
• Block all communication with the cyberbully

Resources (with links):

• STOMP Out Bullying
• Cyberbullying.org
• Nobully.org
• Safekids.com
• connectsafely.org
• Staysafeonline.org
• Education.com website
• National Crime Prevention Council
• Stopcyberbullying.org
• Stopbullying.gov
• Center for Safe and Responsible Internet Use
• Cyberbullying Research Center
• DoSomething.org
• WiredSafety.com
• Texas Attorney General’s Office
• National Center for Missing and Exploited Children

The troubling trend I have noticed is with a parental mindset that more equates to a “bestie” than a mom or dad. Your child is not an adult. I am not a child psychologist, so I will not wade through those waters. But, from a perspective of someone who performs root cause analysis of incidents, I must say there are dangers associated with a lax parental structure.

I could give a thousand examples of situations where your child should not have total privacy in their lives. Do you keep up with your child’s grades in school or simply leave it up to them to pass or fail? Do you ask them where they are going when they leave the house or do they have complete privacy and freedom to go wherever they want? Would you want to know if they were getting into something dangerous or making a bad life choice?

I do not understand the opposition; but, I do recognize there are those in opposition to using spyware to keep tabs on what their kids are doing online. All I can say to such opposition is I simply do not agree. This does not mean that I am going to read every conversation they have with their friends. This does not mean I am going to keep track of every single detail of every single site they visit. I am keeping eyes on their activity and can be in a position to recognize when I may need to step in and give guidance.

In performing research on the subject and talking to experts regarding child online safety, a few things tend to float to the surface of the sea of information.

1. You tend to get very few physical queues. Picture your child sitting on the couch with their face aglow from the light of their iPad. What are they doing? They could be watching a music video or chatting with a stranger. Switching from one activity to another does not tend to change their outward appearance or mannerisms. I call this the virtually induced poker face.
2. They feel secure in their environment.  They say hindsight is twenty-twenty. This one can be difficult to explain, so let me put it this way: If your child were in a dark alley and was being approached by the silhouette of a large man, they may become apprehensive, keep their guard up, or become standoffish and not be willing to participate in a conversation. However, if your child feels physically secure in the comfort of your home, they may be more than willing to participate in that conversation. That could lead to them being groomed by a predator.
3. A child doesn’t typically recognize the dangers until it is too late. Online predators are not stupid. While they are morally bankrupt, malicious, calloused, brazen and cruel, the successful ones can be rather intelligent. They are master manipulators with a ton of patience and have the tenacity to stick with a target. They find weaknesses and play on them. They weasel their way into a relationship with the child. They comfort them, take their side on issues, and lure them in. By the time your child recognizes they are in danger, it could be too late.

There are real and proven dangers to allowing a child to have complete privacy and freedom in the virtual world.

I don’t like to cite applications in articles because these articles tend to live on when apps die, the name gets changed, or something even better comes along. However, I will make an exception in this case. Currently, my top pick for spyware in regards to monitoring children is PhoneSheriff. PhoneSheriff has the ability to monitor and alert on a large variety of activity, it offers extensive alert and restriction functionality, and is compatible with any major device type.

Another really good spyware product is Mobistealth. While MobiStealth may be prettier, it is also more expensive than PhoneSheriff and, for me, it has one major weakness. MobiStealth does not give you “Geofencing”. Geofencing allows you to set alerts based on the geographical location of the device. An example of this would be setting up a geofence for your child’s school and another geofence for your home. If your child is supposed to leave school at around 4 p.m. and be home at around 4:30 p.m, you would be alerted when your child (device in hand) left the school and when they arrived home. If the times are off, you would know.

As I stated, these recommendations may change over time. Depending on when you read this, you may need to search for “Best Spyware Apps” and do a little research on your own.

Just remember, you are the parent. If your child has a phone or other device, it is because you allowed them to have that device. I do not recommend giving such devices as gifts and I make it crystal clear to my kids that they are borrowing my phone that is on my plan that is paid for by me and I can shut it off anytime I wish. I do not allow them to have passwords I do not know, I do not allow them to lock me out of the phone, I do not allow them to take the phone to the bathroom or their bedroom with the door closed, and I also have a rule that the phone must be charged at night in my bedroom.

I suggest a combination of prevention and monitoring.

Happy parenting and good luck!

Here are five surprising insights about the germs that breed on your phones:

1. Cell phones reflect the personal microbial world of their owners. Scientists have found that cell phones represent our microbiome—the trillions of micro-organisms that live in and on our bodies. Cell phones are an integral part of our daily lives, so our own germs regularly spread from our mouths and skin onto our phones.

2. Have you ever heard of streptococcus, staphylococcus and diphtheroids? If not, these are colonies of bacteria that thrive on your phones. A little bit of bacteria is ok, but too much of it can cause a problem. Our phones are overwhelmingly covered in bacteria and we need to worry about other people’s germs. Think about the next time you set your phone down in a public area or share your phone with someone else. Your phone accumulates the other person’s germs as well as the bacteria they’ve picked up.

3. A cell phone has 18 times more harmful bacteria than a public restroom. This statistic is a little scary, but think about it--we use our cell phones after we eat, work out, use the restroom, etc. Several of us are guilty of using our phones with filthy hands. We don’t think about the germs that are transferred every time our hands touch our phones.

4. Cell phones are breeding grounds for bacteria because of their warmth. Warmth breeds bacteria and phones are always warm from the battery and body heat. We also put our phones in germ-infested places like our purses and pockets.

5. Cell phones can intensify face acne. Pressing your phone onto your face allows bacteria to get trapped into your pores causing unwanted blemishes.

Chris Curtis, clinical coordinator of Infectious Disease at Cook Children's, recommends good hand washing and hygiene to prevent unwanted germs on cell phones. “It is imperative for individuals to continually wash their hands after activities. I tell parents to have their child sing “happy birthday” or the “ABCs” while hand washing,” Curtis said.

Screen protectors for cell phones can guard against the little monsters as well. Reiterate to your child to not only wash his or her hands, but to also keep the phone shiny and clean. Diminishing germs on cell phones can prevent illness and lead to a healthier lifestyle.

- Article written by Amanda Burmeister