Osaretin Aimuyo, M.D., Cook Children's Pediatrics Arlington
“My mother has always told me, 'If you aim for the treetop, you'll never leave the ground. But if you aim for the sky, you will always reach the tree.' It was her way of telling me to always aim high and have strong aspirations.”

Diane Arnaout, M.D., Cook Children's Pediatrics Forest Park
“Even though I’m a pediatrician with 13 years of experience, I still go to my mom for advice about my kids. From burping my grumpy infant to helping my school-aged kid with school troubles, mom has always had reassuring words to help me realize that it’s all going to be okay.  Also she taught me that if my kid smells a lemon in the car, she won’t puke from motion sickness. Mind-blowing. Mom is the MVP.”

Sireesha Mutyala, M.D., Cook Children's Pediatrics Plano Legacy
"Always volunteer in your neighborhood, school and church or temple. Being involved gives you a voice and builds a better community!"

Alice Phillips, M.D., Cook Children's Pediatrics Cityview
“My mom always told me being a grandmother was the best but she still had good advice for me.  She pushed me to take care of myself.  ‘Take care of Ben and Annie’s Mom. She will be a better mom if you do.' Even though she is not with me anymore, I still feel her presence in the many lessons she shared with me. Once a mom. Always a mom.”

Rekha Sivadasan, M.D., Cook Children's Pediatrics Frisco
“One of the best pieces of advice my mother ever gave me was ‘Listen to your inner voice, do the best you can and leave the rest in God’s hands.' I have made this my mantra for life!”

Karen Evans, M.D., Cook Children's Pediatrics Parkwood
“Advice from mother: ‘Know that you are loved.  Strive to be and do better than the generation before you.  For this, live your life in honor to God and your path will be made clear.’”

Bianka Soria-Olmos, D.O., Cook Children's Pediatrics Haslet
“The most important advice from the two most important women in my life came in the form of day-to-day lifelong lessons. I was fortunate to have my abuelita (grandmother) live with my family when I was growing up. She was the matriarch of our family until her death a few years ago. She reminded me ‘Ser fuerte y trabajadora. Es mas que suficiente para lograr todo lo que tu quieras’ ('Be strong and hardworking. It is more than enough to achieve everything you want.') From my mom I have learned a lot about balancing motherhood and a career. I've always looked up to her and now enjoy seeing her love for my boys.”

This pediatrician has watched your mental battles from the sidelines this year, Mama.

2020 was not an easy year to be a mom.

Personally, I can tell you it kind of sucked, right? Just a little. The pandemic brought about so many hard choices that NO mother should ever have to make. My brain’s stream-of-consciousness ran a little something like this:

“Should I let my kids play with other kids? Will they get sick if they do? Will not interacting with others harm them more than catching COVID will? Should we start in-person school? Will masking all day be hard for them? Is virtual school a better option for us? Will looking at a screen all day hurt my kid’s eyes? Will lack of interaction with peers lead to social regressions? Are my kids eating and snacking too much? Do I need to choose between my kids seeing their friends, and my kids seeing their grandparents? Is my child in his room too much? Is he exercising enough? Is he sad too often? Is social media going to influence his behavior? Is it normal for sleep to be this much of a struggle – for both me and my kid? Am I telling my kids to wash their hands too much? Will this give them a germ complex? What do I tell my kids when they see those protests on the street? What do I tell them when they see the news on TV? What do I say when they hear people angry and shouting at each other?”…and so on and so forth…over and over…and for me, usually happening at 3 a.m.

So now that you know that I worried about a lot of the same things you did, let’s talk.

This Mother’s Day I’d like to tell you about what I’ve seen and heard in the privacy of my exam rooms.

More anxiety than I’ve ever seen in my career. In both parents and kids.

More depression in children and teens.

More mental crises.

More weight gain.

More screen addiction.

More sleep problems.

More suicidal thoughts.

Momming has never been more difficult. Not only have we been burdened by our own mental struggles, but we’re trying to cope with our kids’ mental strain now more than ever.

Some advice:

1. “Put on your own oxygen mask first – and then help your children with theirs”. Take care of yourself so that you can then throw that energy into your child and his/her struggles.
2. Look for help – Cook Children’s pediatricians, psychologists, and psychiatrists and hospital staff are here for you. We know kids - especially the mental health of kids. Check out the new Cook Children’s JOY Campaign for TONS of resources.
3. Please, ask questions. If your kid is struggling, ask your pediatrician – will some socializing be okay? Should my kiddo return to school/ go to camp? Is it safe? What are the pros/cons? What is the risk by doing this activity or that one? How much screentime is healthy for my kid? Is this behavior normal, or is my teenager showing signs of a problem? What are some resources so I can learn more?
4. Look into counseling. At my office EVERY DAY I tell parents: every single human on the planet goes through a time in their life where they’d benefit from therapy. Do it. Don’t feel weird about it. Just go talk to someone – and take your kid to talk to someone. Psychologists are trained to help you through this.

From one mom to another: we are not meant, as humans, to deal with as much stress as we have in the past year and come out unscathed.

There’s a reason you keep hearing the word “unprecedented” when it comes to 2020 and 2021. The pandemic, the politics, the civil unrest - this was a year that no one anticipated, and no one was prepared for. Know that you’re not alone in what you or your child may be dealing with.

So put down your armor, you warriors. And reach out your arms and accept some help! And give yourself a little grace.

This year was a scary and painful mess. And this Mother’s Day, no matter how much you yelled at your kids, no matter how much you felt you didn’t have the answers, and no matter how much you questioned your decisions, I want you to pat yourselves on the back. Because just surviving has been the victory here. And you’re doing the best you can.

Normally, this is the time of year where I would write a heartfelt letter to moms for Mother’s Day. But given our unique, uh, pandemic situation … nothing is normal. So, instead, let me tell you what my heart feels.

Since mid-March, I have never felt so much like a doctor. And I have never felt so much like a mother. I have never felt – I mean really FELT, like deep in my core – those roles as much as I have these past 7 weeks.

Let’s evaluate my performance as both, shall we?

As a pediatrician, I encourage a thorough and varied education for kids and encourage parents to consistently uphold expectations.

(Yesterday, we literally couldn’t handle any homeschooling because my 6-year-old was having a tiny mental breakdown about his broken Lego set, my daughter threw her letter cards in the trash, and my qualifications as a home teacher are basically a solid nil. I propose giant pay hikes for all teachers ASAP.)

As a pediatrician, I stress the importance of a full night’s sleep. It’s so necessary to keep bedtime consistent to ensure children are getting enough!

(Says the lady who literally can’t understand how her 6-year-old can stay awake until 10 p.m. with enough energy to spare to run a small country - and I swear, child, if you get up out of bed one more time to tell me how your “eyes feel weird, not bad, just weird and I probably should watch some TV or eat something to help it oh and mommy did you know that a scorpion could probably beat a tarantula in an epic battle?” I will lose it.)

As a pediatrician, I ask you to consider socialization of your children, whether that be enrolling them in school, going on playdates, or simply a walk to the local library or park.

(OK well, yeah that’s a no right now.)

As a pediatrician, I ask you to get your children as much fresh air and exercise as possible. Minimum one hour a day!

(When it rains, when it’s too hot, when it’s too cold, or the wind isn’t right, or there is a breeze in the next state, or when just life happens - we are literal lumps. Couch lumps. Sometimes I can’t tell my daughter from a pillow. I literally lost her for 25 minutes the other day because she became a part of the couch.)

As a pediatrician, I tell you to offer your children three well-rounded meals daily. Offer 4-5 fruit or vegetable servings each day. A treat here and there is fine, of course!

(Last night, my kids ate frozen cheese pizza for the third night in a row. No fruit. No vegetable. Just pizza. And if they don’t get to pick out a piece of candy afterwards, God help us, it’s World War 3 in my household and if I hear any more screaming I may literally start bawling in the front yard so yeah, Twix bar? Sure, kid.)

As a pediatrician, I ask parents to set an example for their kids – your strength during these hard times is their strength!

(I have cried alone in my bathroom more times than I can count.)

As a pediatrician, I ask that you limit screen time for your children to less than two hours each day.

(Ask me to recite Olaf’s entire monologue from Frozen 2. Ask me. And prepare to be stunned as I have watched that movie now 54 times and now have it fully memorized. And if I desperately have to get work done? Let me tell you about my friends “Shark Boy and Lava Girl”.)

As a pediatrician, I want you to approach discipline wisely and effectively. Use positive reinforcement for the behaviors you want, and try varying methods to dissuade the behaviors you don’t want.

(Some days in my house, I yell more than I talk in a normal tone. Some days are really hard. Some days are really, really hard. I reach out to others for a break or for help on those really bad days. Click here to find resources to help you during this stressful time.)

I’m not divulging my shortcomings to you as a mother to prove anything to you other than… it’s OK, Mom. You’re human. Guess what? I am too. Just because I’m a pediatrician doesn’t mean I follow my own advice 24/7. And I certainly can’t do that during something as unprecedented as a silly little global pandemic.

Mothers, give yourself a little grace. We’ve never done this before – and no matter what that scientist or leader on television says – none of us know how long this will last. We can’t excel at all things on all days. We can only do our best as parents.

I’m here with you, and I see you trying really hard.

So if your family needs that second (or third) movie…do it. If you need time alone, it’s OK – you’re not a bad parent. If you need to just throw a frozen pizza on the table…I feel you, sister.

Use the extra time you’ve been given to soak in those children. Soak them in! Soak in their funny laugh at this age, and save all those drawings. Get in some giggles during that goofy TV show together. Watch their legs and hair curls grow longer on those walks.

Because things will get back to “normal” eventually, whatever that is for you – and those moments won’t be as visible or obvious. So soak it in! And fail sometimes with me. The beautiful part about motherhood is that if they consistently feel your love and protection, no mistake will be too great. And you can always start over tomorrow.

1. I’d be Terrified the Day my First Child was Born. Guess what? Reading tons of books about the health of children makes you no less prone to the paralyzing fear that arrives when that new cute little elephant-in-the-room appears. I wish they came with an instruction manual instead of a placenta.
2. Breastfeeding Ain't Easy. I had a lot of difficulties breastfeeding one of my children. He had horrible reflux, a poor latch, and a stubborn disposition. I thought, "hey – breastfeeding shouldn’t be that bad, right? You just put the baby on the boob and they figure out the rest!" Nope. It’s no wonder there are some wonderful people out there who dedicate their whole career to helping women breastfeed. And guess what? I had to use some formula to get my kid through his first year. And that’s OK.
3. Children Sometimes (All the time) Don’t Go By the Book. First teeth don’t always appear when the books say they do. Weird rashes never look like the pictures online. My daughter had lots of motor delays, way past when the books said she should….and she’s fine now. It takes the experience of a good pediatrician to let you know when to worry, since all kids are so different. We gain experience via treating thousands of patients with time. I had to take off my pediatrician hat and only wear my mama hat when it came to my kids. And had a great pediatrician reassure me that everything would be OK.
4. Fevers Make Me Worry, Too. My son once woke up with a 105.6F temperature when he was a toddler. Of course I was supposed to be seeing patients in the office 20 minutes later. That was one of the most difficult mornings of my life. I had to choose who to care for – my son, or my patients? I took some deep breaths and tried to talk myself through what I tell my patient’s parents. Warm bath, dose of ibuprofen, lots of snuggles (with Daddy). He was fine. But it reinforced why I’ll never judge a parent who is worried even about the tiniest of temperature elevations. 
5. Living with a Toddler is Like Living with an Irrational, Angry Drunk Person. I’d read all the books about effective behavior management. Learned techniques for distraction, offering choices, creating reward charts. But when your three year old is flailing on the floor, mopping the tile with his Oscar-worthy tearfest all because I offered the blue plate instead of the red one…one questions how many bottles of wine to buy for the week.
6. Explaining Simple Things Can Become Very Difficult. “Why is that man in a wheely-chair, Mommy?” “Why did Harper’s dog die? Where did he go?” “How do planes work?” “How come kids go to different churches?” Being a board-certified pediatrician doesn’t mean that I don’t struggle with how to explain things to my kids. I want to be fair and accurate and informative…and somehow word it in a way that my little people understand it. It’s hard, I know. And I can’t promise I do it any better than you. But like you, I’m trying my best!
7. The Online Mothering Community Can Be Both Supportive and Judgmental. It really does take a village to raise a child. And I really hadn’t dabbled in the online world of mothering until I became one. What are the best breast pumps available? Where are the best parks in town? Which restaurants are most kid-friendly? I loved all the readily available advice I found online, but with that help also came the judgmental comments, the guilt, and the unintentional comparing of myself to others. I quickly put a stop to the latter in my mind – and now understand how to better reach my patient moms, who struggle with this dichotomy of feelings social media can conjure.
8. Becoming a Mom Doesn’t Mean I Have to Change Who I Am and What I Love. I was fiercely independent and very driven before I had kids. This hasn’t changed since my two little turkeys came into the world. It did however change how much time I’d have to practice my hobbies and be the best doctor I could possibly be. My lifestyle had to change a bit, but I’ve found that staying true to what you need to be happy – whether it's picking up a camera, a book, getting some time at the gym – makes you a better mom. Do it, and don’t feel guilty about some time to yourself.

I share these pieces of vulnerability and advice with you so that you know you’re not alone. Being a great mom means many things, and know that even childhood experts have their daily struggles. I’m still learning every day. And I always tell my patient’s moms: my two best teachers are my kids. At the end of the day, no matter how many arguments and challenges have ensued, if your kids know they’re loved, you’ve reached beautiful success.

“It’s wonderful day. I thought I would never be a mom,” Kristy said. “Mother’s Day is not something I take for granted. I’m grateful to my mother and grandmother, who taught me to be a mother . I love it.”

But when you consider each child has his or her own special needs, life can be amazingly hectic and difficult. And what’s the biggest challenge for the mom of nine?

“Probably laundry,” she jokes. “Would that sound crazy if that was my answer? I think more than anything, it’s working to meet each kid’s individual needs where they are at that particular moment. And then looking ahead, some of the kids aren’t as independent as they should be when they hit that magical 18 mark. Some are not ready to go out into the world yet. Some days that’s the scariest thing for me.”

Kristy’s story began as it continues now with her husband John. They loved kids then as much as they do now, but they couldn’t have any of their own.

John was a foster care agent. He was 26 at the time and Kristy was 22 when they met Luke and Josh, 7 and 2 respectively. Then two years later, they met Kathryn and Daniel, a brother and sister who were 6 and 4 then.

“After we got them, we kind of thought we were done,” Kristy said. “We weren’t sure though and we kept our certification to get more kids placed with us. Then two years later we met a set of precious little twins – Juliana and Josiah, then 4, who were half of a sibling group with Paul and Caleb, then 7 and 5. They were in an emergency situation. Their life would be pretty demanding. We thought we could add four and we already had four, so eight sounded about right.”

But what sealed the deal was when Juliana said to John, “All my friends have a daddy. I don’t have one. Will you be my daddy?”

Maybe some could still say no, but not the Goodnights. Their hearts are too big and their skills at taking care of kids with special needs too strong. All of their eight adopted children have medical and/or behavioral needs.

The Goodnights take their children from their home in Corsicana to Cook Children’s to be treated at the medical center. Kristy jokes her kids have many “ists” – endocrinologists, neurologists, psychologists …

“We have all of our specialty care through Cook Children’s,” Kristy said. “We really appreciate the cohesiveness of care. The specialties share information with each other. One doctor sees what the other doctor has done. There’s a great consistency of care. The other thing we like is we see the same doctor every time in their specific specialty and that’s not always true with other places. And we see a slew of doctors for everything from cerebral palsy to autism to emotional issues. We see doctors for behavioral issues, intellectual issues, growth issues – a wide variety of stuff. We are at Cook Children’s on a regular basis.”

Of course with the number of kids and the challenges that each bring, Kristy admits that she sometimes wonders if she’s the best person to care for them.

“There’s always days where I think I’m not doing the best I can and I think surely I can be a better mother,” she said. “I look around and the laundry is not done and the house is a mess. And then I remember the alternative. Without us, they wouldn’t have a family at all.”

Kristy chuckles. “And then I realize, I’m better than nothing.”

Needless to say, John says his wife is selling herself way short.

“She keeps everybody grounded, including me,” he said. “He keeps me focused on what’s important and not letting things bother us that might get in the way of that fact that we’re all in this together. She’s the most loving person that I know and you can tell she wears her emotions on her sleeves. You can look at her and know our kids are extremely important to her.”

And with that kind of love, why stop at eight, right? The Goodnights realized they’d experienced so much as parents, except what it was like to raise a newborn.

Kristy and John looked at other countries, but nothing came to fruition. Then they found a story on a new spin on in vitro fertilization – adopting an embryo. The embryo had been frozen for 10 years and was made available to the Goodnights. They only knew the age of race of the parents, but nothing else. They made the decision to take the baby without knowing anything more. They were used to facing challenges and they would be up for one more challenge.

So far, the newest member of the family, Jude, has been healthy. But he's still a toddler in a house with eight other children. Kristy says that’s OK because one more person only adds to what makes the Goodnight household special.

“The love. I love having a family. There’s just so much love in this house,” Kristy said. “There’s always someone laughing. It’s so much fun. I never expected that and the way the other kids care for the baby. It’s just tied everybody together in the ends. We have sweet kids with big hearts and that’s given us the ability to love everything we’ve gone through.”

Then, I was blessed to have a beautiful son...

….who decided that I needed to be re-taught a few things about children.

And by a few things, I mean everything.

Don’t get me wrong – you don’t have to be a parent to be an excellent doctor. I still dish out the same advice. The books and studies are spot-on and I’m going to give it to you straight. Breastfeeding does provide the best nutrition for babies. But I understand the pain you’re going through to meet that goal. And I understand the frustration of having a child who just won’t latch on. And I understand now why you look at me, with a crazy twitch in your eye, when I tell you to try an extra pumping session a day to build up your supply, mama. I hated that thing, too. Can anyone say “dairy cow”? And guess what – formula isn’t poisonous. I wasn’t physically able to meet my full breastfeeding goals with my kid – there’s no judgement here if you grab that can. And it’s okay if it makes your relationship with your child happier, healthier and more fulfilling.

Our car seat remains rear-facing at 18 months. It’s been proven to be five times safer than forward-facing. I’m sorry for my lecture during your little one’s checkup. And oh yes, I too want to rip my hair out when I can’t reach over far enough to give my kid that 400^th toy to keep them quiet on the trip to grandma’s.

“Crying it out” was a tough one for me. Pre-child, it was so easy to coach parents - encourage them to drop the constant rocking, the running into the nursery at all hours of the night, the fear of allowing their child to cry in order to learn put themselves to sleep. Then I went through it with my son. Let’s just say I give the same advice now (it really does work) …and recommend a glass of wine for every 15 minutes of crying. I probably cried more than my kid did. Motherhood helped me give this advice with a much softer tone. I get it, mom and dad. And I feel your pain (and exhaustion).

Pacifiers – I missed that thing so much. So, so much. Oh man I missed that thing when it had to go. I think I needed one myself when the time came to get rid of it.

As for the well-rounded, healthy meals I recommend offering your child throughout the day – I now understand why there are food shortages in some parts of the world. It’s because all that food is currently on the floor of my kitchen. Where my son threw it. I get it. And I’m here to help you find tricks to make things better. Tried and tested in my own home.

In all seriousness, motherhood has been the most exhausting, challenging, humbling thing I’ve ever experienced. But I can say without a doubt that it’s made me a better doctor for your child. Because helping you get through those everyday challenges is a huge part of what being a pediatrician is all about.

I recently polled some physician mom colleagues to get their take on how motherhood changed them:

• “I am that much more in awe of the composure, patience, faith, resolve my patients' families have, especially considering how chronically sick the kids are that I see, and how too not-infrequently, limited the treatments are. I see my son in every patient. Everything is different. Every heartache is my heartache. Each illness, each story seems to hit home that much harder. I am so so appreciative.”
• “I am much more empathetic and practical in some advice. I think that I am much more emotionally available post having kids and can understand a variety of stresses parents who go through NICU may encounter.”
• “You come to understand that "by the book" is not always what is possible in real life!”
• “I feel like when the kids have a tougher diagnosis - cancer- it hits closer to home and I hold my kids a bit tighter. Likewise, little pearls and tricks that I used help make it more of a village caring mentality for the family which has been lost over the last 30-40 years.”
• “My medical advice is not too different, but I understand the unspoken worry so much better now. So I try to address the emotional stuff first in ways that would not have occurred to me pre-kids. Now I'll directly say things like "you are a good mother even if you need to use formula," or "this lymphadenitis/rectal bleeding/etc is NOT cancer," or "they are not dangerous, but constant viral illnesses all winter TOTALLY SUCK.” I think it has made me a much better pediatrician.”
• “One of my favorite attendings in peds residency told me, as I was a mess after coming back from maternity leave with my first, that a little part of your heart will always be on the outside, dangling like a vulnerable little wisp in the wind that is parenting- and that little wisp makes you so much stronger and so much softer- all for the good....it's so true.”

Happy Mother’s Day, everyone!

Just like my patients' moms I have lived all of the small daily rituals, frustrations and love that is being a mom. I know that it has made me a better pediatrician and will continue to do so.

I am a better pediatrician because I have experienced life as a mom. I know the tears and tiredness of a new mom and so when she cries at the new baby check I can tell her it's normal and she believes me. I have lived with picky eater and so can give realistic plans for parents to overcome it. Siblings fighting is a weekly event in my home and so I can help with strategies for everyone to get along. I have seen my child limp for days and wondered if it is some terrible illness and so when a mom brings in her child with leg pain I understand what her deepest fear is.

It is all of these and the hundreds of other mom experiences that give me empathy for the moms of my patients. It has made being pro-mom one of my overarching themes in practice.

Remember, on Mother's Day to go and look at your children while they are sleeping. It gives you an immediate feeling of love and peace. Thank you to all the moms that trust me to care for their children.

Happy Mothers Day.

Dr C

8 isn't enough ... life with 9 children

Nine children, ages 3 to 19 years old, make Mother’s Day a pretty special time for Kristy Goodnight. After all, that’s a lot of hugs and kisses to go around ... But when you consider each child has his or her own special needs, life can be amazingly hectic and difficult. And what’s the biggest challenge for the mom of nine? Click to read more.

Dr. Mom: How motherhood changed me as a pediatrician

After completing 24 years of schooling and medical training, you’d think that once I graduated from pediatric residency, I’d know a thing or two about the health of children. And I did. I knew a lot ... Then, I was blessed to have a beautiful son...who decided that I needed to be re-taught a few things about children.

And by a few things, I mean everything. Click to read more.

How being a mom shaped her practice

I am a better pediatrician because I have experienced life as a mom. I know the tears and tiredness of a new mom and so when she cries at the new baby check I can tell her it's normal and she believes me. Click to read more. Click to read more.