The need for closeness, kindness and touch remains one of the most essential human needs that allow children to develop into thriving and independent human beings. Not only is healthy touch incredibly important, so are hearing encouraging and supportive words.

It starts at home with being respectful and polite to each other in terms of daily interactions and requests. If parents want their children to be respectful to them, the easiest way is to treat them with respect as well.

When kids see it and are treated with love and kindness, they pass it on to others also. Now nobody is perfect all the time and we all make mistakes and that is OK! Use those moments as opportunities to model being apologetic.

Let your child hear and see you say, “I’m sorry, I messed up” or “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, what can I do to help you feel better?” As a parent, if you are trying to correct a younger child who was aggressive with a sibling for example, have them check in with that sibling to see what they can do to make it right. Do they need to get them an ice pack, a water bottle or a popsicle maybe? The point is to try to get your child to put themselves in the shoes of the other person to create perspective and the start of creating empathy as well.

As kids get older, teaching compassion and empathy for others needs to continue to be a focus. Some options for doing that might be through family service projects such as volunteering in the community or local organizations.

Children need to realize that helping others can be accomplished through donating your time as well as resources such as food as well as money. For some families, it might be important to teach kids from a young age to set some money aside in a piggy bank that they would like to donate to a specific cause or organization that is important to them.

When kids show an interest in raising money for a cause through a lemonade stand or other fund raising effort, help them and encourage them! Most importantly, when kids are raised in an environment where they see their parents and other family members or friends working and volunteering to help others, it becomes second nature to them and they do not think twice about joining in the “school supply drive” or forgoing their birthday party presents and donating them to the “Peter Pan Club.”

Raising kind, empathetic kids begins with surrounding them with an environment of love and warmth. It’s not a place where everyone is always perfect, but it is a place that when people make mistakes, they acknowledge them, take responsibility for them and do what it takes to make things right.

About the author

Joy Crabtree is a licensed psychologist and clinic manager for Southlake and Northeast Clinic. Our psychiatry department helps children, ages 2-17, and their families who are experiencing behavioral, neurodevelopmental and emotional challenges. Our staff is specifically trained to work with young patients and our psychiatrists are board certified in child and/or adolescent psychiatry. Click to learn more about our program.

To access any of our services, please contact our Intake Department by calling 682-885-3917. To expedite your call, please have your child's date of birth and insurance information ready. For emergency situations, call 911.

Lisa Elliott, a licensed psychologist and clinic manager of Cook Children’s Behavioral Health in Denton, says some children may threaten suicide in an attempt to get attention or others may be struggling with depression.

“But it doesn’t matter,” Elliott said. “You must take the threat very seriously. If a child is talking about suicide, get help immediately. It’s critical not to ignore this cry for help regardless of their reasons.”

Following a suicide in the community, parents should take the time to talk to their kids.

“Use it as an opportunity to discuss their possible feelings of grief or confusion and be a listening ear and support them,” said Joy Crabtree, a licensed psychologist and clinic manager for Southlake and Northeast Clinic. “Additionally, parents can ask their child if they have ever had any extreme feelings of sadness or thoughts about hurting themselves. If current feelings about wanting to hurt themselves are acknowledged, parents should let their therapist or psychologist know right away. If they do not have a therapist or psychologist, or they are not available, they should be taken to a local mental health facility or hospital emergency room for an evaluation.”

Research has found that about 90 of people who die by suicide experience mental illness.

Elliott says teens with chronic illness, such as depression, are no different than any other child and generally want to be treated just like any other kid. But they should receive professional help and be assessed for anxiety and depression.

“Parents should watch for any change in mood like sadness, depression, hopelessness, irritability, anger and hostility,” Elliott said. “You may see more tearfulness and changes in activity level. Watch for more withdrawal from friends and family, change in friends and loss of interest in activities once enjoyed.”

Elliott says warning signs of teen suicide include:

1. Increased use of alcohol/drugs
2. Preoccupied with death (writing, drawings)
3. Talking about feelings of hopelessness
4. Talking about being a burden to others
5. Telling loved ones goodbye
6. Decline in performance
7. Giving prized possessions away
8. Isolating and withdrawing
9. Acting highly anxious or agitated
10. Acting reckless and taking risks
11. Rages
12. Changes in sleeping and/or eating
13. Dramatic changes in personality and/or appearance

If you feel your child needs help, please call 682-885-3917 for a referral into Cook Children’s Psychology department.

“Try to react calmly and unemotionally,” said Joy Crabtree, Psy.D., a Cook Children’s psychologist in Southlake. “Discuss what words are off-limits in your family and why those words are unacceptable. Help your kids find other words that are acceptable in similar situations.”

Of course, children who use bad language heard the word somewhere beforehand. Most commonly, children can learn curse words by hearing them on television, video games or – oops – from their parents.

“The more children are exposed to those words, the more numb they become to bad language,” Crabtree said. “Hearing the words frequently makes kids more likely to use those words themselves.”

Parents should closely monitor the entertainment their children are exposed to and be good role models by using their appropriate language around their children. If the child continues to use bad language, parents should consider discipline methods that including taking away allowance, giving him or her time-out or limiting television or game time.

For more information

Cook Children's Behavioral Health services provides a broad range of care that focuses on children from ages 3 through 17, and their families.  As part of family-centered care all of our professionals are qualified both through education and experience to work with children who have behavioral and emotional challenges. Our psychiatrists are board certified in child and adolescent psychiatry and our psychologists and therapists are all licensed independently in Texas.

To access any of our services, please contact our Intake Department. To expedite your call, please have your child’s date of birth and insurance information ready.

We’ve spent a lot of time recently talking to you grownups out there about all of these conditions in an effort to inform you, but also hopefully to calm your nerves.

But what about your kids? It’s easy to understand why they would panic, especially if they hear of school-aged children being kept home or other kids simply afraid to go to school in fear of Ebola. And it’s all happening in Dallas, so close to where many of them live.

So, what do you say to them?

A lot of it has to do with their age and how much they can comprehend, according to two of our licensed child psychologists at Cook Children’s.

Joy Crabtree, a licensed psychologist for Cook Children’s Behavioral Health in Southlake, said the most important thing parents can do is be there for their children. If your children come to you with questions about anything scary in the news, reassure them that you love them and are there for them. Tell them the chances of them getting a disease such as the Ebola virus is rare. For example, one of the main symptoms of Ebola is fever yet, reassure your child that unless they or someone in their family has travelled to West Africa, or come in contact with anyone from that region, their fever is no more dangerous than any other time they had a fever. We get fever from a lot of things and recover. Answer the questions they ask you, but don’t go off on tangents that will increase their fear. Make sure you know the facts and check them with a reputable source. Don’t drift into other areas that may cause your children discomfort.

Your older children may not want to talk to you about the issues of the day, try to put up a brave front or be blissfully unaware. You know your children better than anyone. If you feel your children are old enough and/or mature enough, and you feel they have heard about it anyway, you might consider bringing up recent events from the news to get their opinion, and to offer reassurance and support.

“For older children, they may have a few initial questions based on what they’ve heard on the news or from friends at school,” Crabtree said. “Make sure that you are giving them accurate information. Make sure to reassure your child, but also let them know that bad things do happen in life. We have to be careful and cautious, but we also can’t live in fear of the unknown. We have to live life to the fullest. You might also let them know that just like there are people (doctors, nurses, etc.) whose job it is to take care of kids, there are people, such as the public health department, whose job it is to take care of communities. They let us know when there is danger and what to do.

Lisa Elliott, a licensed psychologist and clinic manager at the Cook Children’s Psychology clinic in Denton said to keep younger children, elementary age, away from the news and don’t talk to them about something like Ebola unless they ask you. There’s no need to bring up a fearful topic to children, unless it’s for their own good.

For older children, Elliott said ,“There has to be limits to the news and it has to be age appropriate. The older kids can become fixated on bad news sometimes. Help your older children process what they are hearing and make sense of the news. But at the same time, limit them on the amount of news they are watching or reading about. They don’t need to dwell on the issue.”

As for your kids or yourself, Elliott adds it’s a good idea for the entire family to get away from the news and spend some family time together.

After all, the most important thing is to be there for your children.

Related links:

• Ebola in Dallas
• Are you concerned about Ebola?
• 4 reasons not to fear Ebola
• Enterovirus: What we know now
• The flu season
• Whooping cough makes a comeback
• Breaking news: Chikungunya case confirmed in Tarrant County
• Breaking Tarrant County news: Measles alert

For more information

Cook Children's Behavioral Health services provides a broad range of care that focuses on children from 3 years through 17, and their families. We also have some limited services available for children age 2. As part of family-centered care all of our professionals are qualified both through education and experience to work with children who have behavioral and emotional challenges. Our psychiatrists are board certified in child and adolescent psychiatry and our psychologists and therapists are all licensed independently in Texas.

Don’t fall victim to these persistent persuasion tactics by your children. The more children are exposed to on television at a young age, the more they start to see it as normal.

“The more kids see things that are too mature or scary for them, the more they see it as normal and may repeat the behavior whether that is using bad language, or being aggressive or violent,” said Joy Crabtree, a licensed psychologist at Cook Children’s Urgent Care and Pediatric Specialties in Southlake.

Crabtree believes that appropriateness of television shows and movies should be determined by a number of factors such as the age of a child, maturity level and the content of the show.

Crabtree said, “Another important thing to look out for is whether or not the show is a fantasy, like a cartoon, or realistic with “real” people doing inappropriate things. All these things should be taken into account.”

Use these helpful resources, provided by Lisa Elliot, a licensed psychologist and clinic manager at the Cook Children's Psychology clinic in Denton, to help monitor what your child is allowed to see on television. There are online resources where you can look up appropriate ratings of shows/movies to help you as a guide such as http://www.kids-in-mind.com/ and https://www.commonsensemedia.org/. Also, don’t forget to take advantage of your DVR. You can record a show, watch it when it is convenient for you and decide if it is appropriate for your child to watch.

If your child happens to see something inappropriate on television, make sure you discuss the topic and see if they have any questions or concerns over what they saw. As a general rule, parents should monitor how much time kids spend in front of the television and other electronics every day. Use these resources to make sure you know what your child is watching on television this season.

A young person with a history of depression is obviously at a greater risk of suicide. Parents want to be alert for any changes in their adolescent’s typical behavior. They may have been very active in sports in the past, or band, theater, or cheerleading, and now are less interested or involved. They may be isolating themselves, not only from family, but also from friends. Motivation may be dropping, along with grades. You may see sleep patterns change and the teenager may be sleeping for extended periods of time and be difficult to wake in the morning. One may also notice their need for sleep is decreased or they are having difficulty falling asleep. Appetite may change as well and they may eat a lot more or a lot less, and actually be losing weight.

If a young person is talking more about death, dying, and have a sense of hopelessness, that is a big concern. Drug use and other impulsive or risky behavior can place them at a greater risk of suicide as well.

When there is a suicide in a community, parents should discuss it with their kids, particularly since they have likely already heard about it at school or from friends. Use it as an opportunity to discuss their possible feelings of grief or confusion and be a listening ear and support them. Additionally, parents can ask their child if they have ever had any extreme feelings of sadness or thoughts about hurting themselves. If current feelings about wanting to hurt themselves are acknowledged, parents should let their therapist or psychologist know right away. If they do not have a therapist or psychologist, or they are not available, they should be taken to a local mental health facility or hospital emergency room for an evaluation.

Even if a young person does not have a desire to harm themselves, their feelings of grief and sadness about a peer’s suicide can be significant, regardless if they were a close friend or just an acquaintance. Again, be a support for them and encourage them to discuss, and work through their feelings. Answer any questions they may have and explain, if appropriate, any similar feelings the parents may have as well. This may also be an opportunity for the adolescent to make a positive out of a negative experience. They may consider starting a grief support group, work on a memorial for the person who has passed away, or engage in volunteer activities. Sometimes putting feelings of sadness into positive activities can be helpful in the grieving process.

Above all, parents should be “tuned in” to their children. When unusual behavior changes are occurring, ask about them. Additionally, reassure your children you are always there for them, no matter what issue they are facing.

If you feel your child needs help, please call 682-885-3917 for a referral into Cook Children’s Psychology department.

Additional resources:

• Cook Children's Psychiatry and Psychology department
• Dealing with depression
• Resources & education
• 5 ways to fight depression
• When depression is severe

About the author

Joy Crabtree, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist for Cook Children’s, sees patients at Cook Children’s Urgent Care and Pediatric Specialties in Southlake, the first such pediatric facility in town. Previously, she worked seven years in Denton at Cook Children’s Psychology. She moved to Southlake to be closer to home. She sees patients Monday through Thursday, and on Friday she evaluates patients for conditions such as ADHD or autism Joy is married to Tim Crabtree and they have three children. If you feel your child needs to speak to a psychologist or psychiatrist, talk to your pediatrician or call 682-885-3917.