Sometimes I have to be reminded by Mrs. Smitty to put down the iPhone or the tablet and spend some family time. After all, this is the new era of fathers being more involved than ever before.

The  American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) highlights the significant amount of research that has been done on the 'New Fatherhood' and the important role that dads play in their child’s development, mental health and many other areas of well-being.

And the benefit of fathers is not just restricted to the biological dad.

Fatherhood can be defined generally as “the male or males identified as most involved in caregiving and committed to the well-being of the child, regardless of living situation, marital status, or biological relation.” This means that biological, foster, adoptive, step-, grand- or any other father matters.

The report highlights the many benefits that fathers provide for their children throughout the child’s years of development.

Before Birth

Even before the baby is born, father’s help to set the foundation for their children’s health. If fathers are involved during pregnancy, moms are 1.5 times more likely to get early prenatal care. If mom smokes, they are more likely to stop smoking if dad is involved with the pregnancy.

Newborn and Infant Period

Supportive fathers play a huge role in the success of breastfeeding and a “competitive” father can undermine it. Fathers play with infants differently than mothers. Their play tends to be more “stimulating, vigorous and arousing.” These interactions may encourage more exploration and independence in children.

Early Childhood

Fathers speak to children differently than mothers. They tend to use words that are new which might stretch a child to learn new and different words. If dads are involved with their children during infancy, those kids are less likely to have mental health symptoms when they get older.

Adolescence

When a father is involved, adolescents are less likely to have depressive symptoms (both genders) and be less likely to be involved in risk-taking behaviors (especially in boys). Daughters benefit from father involvement by being less likely to have “early puberty, decreased early sexual experiences, and decreased teen pregnancy.”

Summary

While they may not always do things the same as mothers, the role of the father and the benefits they provide need to be acknowledged. Perpetuating old stereotypes about fatherhood undermines the importance in the development of their children. Highlighting the value of fatherhood should encourage fathers that their involvement matters in many ways.

Just in time, a new study released online in Pediatrics (the journal of the AAP) describes the risk of depression in fathers of young children (0-5). They started following males in adolescence and followed them for 23 years using a depression scale to document their level of depression.

The scales asked some fairly pointed questions regarding depression. Here are some examples:

• Were you were bothered by things that do not usually bother you?
• Did you feel depressed?
• Did you feel you were too tired to do things?
• Did you not enjoy life?
• Did you feel that people disliked you?

I found the results very interesting:

During the first 5 years of their child’s lives, fathers showed a 68 percent increase in depressive symptoms.

Does this surprise you or not?

While the study did not specifically describe the rate of depression in the immediate period after the baby was born, I would suspect that many of these depressive symptoms began to emerge during that time.  I have done this new parenting thing a few times (3 times in 5 years).  Having a new baby in the house is incredibly exciting and brings so much unspeakable joy. However, that joy comes with many changes.

I never felt that my symptoms rose to the level of depression but there were, at times, feelings of sadness and loss. Let’s walk through some of the reasons and some potential solutions.
 

Loss of routine
I am a man of routine and consistency.I like waking up, having a cup of coffee, reading and getting ready to go to work. Staying home with my wife for a week after our babies were born was very important to me but I did start to miss my routine.

Try to keep some semblance of your normal routine if possible. Remember that your sleep at night will likely be broken up (I was always the water boy for my breastfeeding wife and the post-feed burper and rocker) so you might want to get to bed earlier than normal so you can keep your morning routine in some form or fashion.

Loss of autonomy
When you got married you might have realized that your decisions were no longer just about yourself anymore. For me, having a baby is that feeling, on steroids. You suddenly feel guilty for wanting to do anything for yourself anymore as if in some way you will miss something or will be needed and not be there.

It sounds like a line from a self-help book, but remember that in order to be a good provider, you have to take care of yourself to some degree first. Find some time to do something by and for yourself at least every few days. For you, that might look like going for a run or going to read a book at Starbucks. But, whatever it is, take a little time for yourself.

Loss of intimacy
Yes, I do mean in the physical way (those OBs and their rules - seriously follow those rules). But, it’s much more than that. All of the sudden, you realize that those deep conversations you had with your wife (that you might not have thought were important) are less frequent. You are both tired and have a singular focus that tends to dominate your conversations (When was the last feed? Did I start on the left or right side last time? Is this yellow, runny stool normal?)

Try to find the time and energy to start one deep conversation per day. One great conversation starter in this time period can be: “How are you doing with all of this?” Don’t settle for, “Fine.” Ask deeper questions. Then, after you’ve taken the time to hear mom out, you’ll probably get a chance to share some things yourself. You’ll be glad you did.

The overlying concern for these feelings is that you might begin to feel guilty about having them. You know in your brain that this time is supposed to be one of the happiest times of your life. This tension is common and normal. It might be helpful to seek out other fathers whose advice you feel you can trust to talk through it. They may have more specific advice that will work better for you. The important thing is to resist the urge to tough it out and do it on your own.

Ultimately, you may feel that you are passing over from feeling a little down to actually feeling depressed.  If you have concerns about this, it’s best to seek out professional help from your doctor or a counselor.