Big Crowds Anxiety

Excitement and anxiety can sometimes look similar in children before a major event. A child with “excited jitters” may still eagerly talk about the game and respond well to reassurance, while a child experiencing genuine anxiety may become consumed by worry or even try to avoid attending altogether.

Physical symptoms can also appear in anxious children, including headaches, stomachaches and trouble sleeping leading up to the event.

“Excited jitters usually come and go, but anxiety tends to stick around and interfere with daily routines,” said Amanda Jordan, PsyD, psychologist with the Cook Children’s Psychology Department.

Preparing children ahead of time by showing them videos or photos of the stadium, discussing what they can expect and creating a clear game-day plan, can help prevent anxiety symptoms. Parents can also use “first-then” language to help children mentally organize the experience.

For example: “First we’ll find our seats, then we’ll get a snack.”

Families can also benefit from creating a safety plan before arriving at the venue, including identifying meeting spots and teaching children how to find stadium employees for help. Creating a funny family code word for moments when a child feels overwhelmed can also ease stress and remind children it’s okay to ask for a break.

Stadiums Sensory Impact

For many children, sport venues can overload the senses with bright lights, loud music, strong smells and tightly packed crowds. Dr. Jordan says sensory overload can trigger the body’s “fight, flight or freeze” response, making emotional regulation difficult. Children experiencing sensory overload may become irritable, restless or emotional. Others may withdraw, stop talking, cry or struggle to make decisions.

Several sport venues, especially the newest stadiums, now feature dedicated sensory rooms or quiet spaces designed to help guests decompress. Dr. Jordan encourages parents to research venues ahead of time to learn what accommodations are available and where they are located.

Even if a stadium does not offer a formal sensory room, quieter areas such as patios, hallways or less crowded sections may provide children with a chance to reset before returning to the event.

“These spaces can help lower anxiety and give children a place to regulate during stressful moments,” Dr. Jordan said.

Behavioral Challenges

Emotional outbursts during games can happen when children become overstimulated or overwhelmed. In those moments, Dr. Jordan says parents should focus less on discipline and more on helping children feel safe and calm. Getting down to the child’s eye level, speaking in calm tone and validating the child’s feelings can help them decompress and rebalance their emotions.

Parents can also use grounding techniques, such as deep breathing exercise or offering simple choices to help restore a sense of control.

For example: “Would you like to sit with me for a minute, or would you rather go walk around for a little bit?”

Dr. Jordan also encourages families to discuss coping strategies before the event so children know what support may look like if emotions escalate.

The emotional energy inside a stadium can also affect how children interpret social situations. Aggressive reactions from adults or fans may increase a child’s anxiety or sense of insecurity.

“Kids learn how to respond by watching the adults around them,” Dr. Jordan said.

Parents can help by calmly explaining emotional reactions happening around them, such as cheering after a goal or frustration following a penalty call.

Practical Advice

It is recommended to pack a few “mental health essentials” before attending a major sporting event with children.

Some of these items can include:

• Noise-canceling headphones, or earplugs
• Comfort items like a soft blanket or a plush toy
• Sensory or fidget toys
• Snacks

 These items can help children self-regulate and make the big game day more enjoyable.

Parents should also recognize when it might be time to leave early. If a child cannot recover emotionally after taking breaks or using calming strategies, it is time to prioritize the child’s wellbeing and step away from the event.

It’s also important to emphasize that sensory sensitivities are not limited to children with Autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), anxiety or trauma histories may also struggle in overstimulating environments.

“Sensory overload can affect many different children – and sometimes even parents too,” Dr. Jordan said.

Related Stories:

• Big Game, Big Safety: Preventing Hot Car Tragedies

• Big Game, Big Responsibility: Water Safety

• Cook Children’s Sports Medicine Physician Heals Young Athletes Through Pickleball Medicine Program

Kindness and empathy are important, in fact they are critical. Both are foundational cornerstones for emotional and moral intelligence, and it is the core to a civilized world. Studies have also shown if one experiences empathy, it can stop cruel and/or violent behavior.

On this episode of Raising Joy, neuropsychologist Lisa Elliott, Ph.D., explains how kindness and kind words can change the life of a child. She says the importance of kind words cannot be underestimated towards children, especially in today’s climate.

Raising Joy is part of Cook Children’s Health Care System’s Joy Campaign, a communications initiative aimed at preventing youth suicides. For more information about the Joy Campaign, visit cookchildrens.org/joy.

New episodes of the Raising Joy podcast will be available each Tuesday. It is currently available on all major streaming platforms including Apple, Spotify and Google Podcasts.

By Ashley Pagenkopf, MS, CCLS, Child Life Specialist at Cook Children's

I have a middle schooler in my home for the first time this year. I have spent a great deal of time over the last couple of months deciphering the BIG emotions that middle school inevitably brings. It can take some time to get to the real emotion, the real issue. But once we do, I am often reminded of how hard middle school is and that none of it makes sense. Still – all these years later – middle school is still dumb. The only thing left to do is to agree with my daughter about how dumb it really is. So that’s what I try to do – I try to validate her very big emotions…most of the time.

What is validation?

If you are wondering what validation is, that’s OK. We are all learning as we go. (This is an example of validation.) The dictionary defines validation as the “recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile.”

Validation plays a significant role in children feeling known and understood and creating an emotionally safe environment in the healthcare setting and at home. When a child can feel understood and heard, they have space to begin to cope with the emotion they are feeling. Without that space, it is very easy for any of us to get wrapped up in the emotion and not be able to find our coping skills. Once we can help children name their emotions more effectively and affirm that their emotion is valid, we will begin to see children regulate their own emotions more effectively. 

Often our children’s big emotions and feelings are met with our own big emotions or feelings, not validation. It is easy to be frustrated and overwhelmed by others’ emotions. As we explore emotional safety among our children, we have to recognize the importance of validation. Children cannot feel emotionally safe if we dismiss their emotions.

I work with children and families in an environment where emotions are always big – the emergency room. All areas of the hospital and doctor’s offices can produce big emotions in our kiddos. It may be helpful to hear what is *not* validating and does not promote emotional safety in the healthcare environment or at home.

1. Threatening is not validating. As parents, we love the “if you don’t _____, then ____” statements. One we often hear as child life specialists is “if you don’t stop crying, they will give you a shot.” This does not help anyone. Not only does this break trust with the health care professionals trying to help your child, but it also intensifies fear amid a child’s already high emotions. Health care professionals are there to help, and a shot may be necessary at some point. Shots are not punishment. We don’t want to punish children in any way for their emotions. Instead, we want to teach them how to cope with them.
2. Promising things is not validating. It is a basic rule in the health care environment not to make promises. Honestly as a parent, there is little that I can promise will or won’t happen. Statements like “If you just do this, then we will go home” does not validate your child’s emotions. This only establishes an expectation that no one in the room can promise. It is not wrong to want to promise these things to try to de-escalate your child, but this also can break trust and give children false hope when a promise cannot be met.
3. Disengaging or leaving is not validating. Often when our children are expressing intense emotions, it is super easy to check out – emotionally or physically. We don’t want to engage the emotions either out of embarrassment, fear of making it worse or we feel the same way and cannot control our own emotions. However, what we communicate to our kids when we disengage is that they are too much and that we can’t be there for them.

These are all responses that happen as we struggle to know what to do as parents. We are desiring to de-escalate the moment, and truthfully we just want to be on the other side of it.

Let’s explore how validation can not only de-escalate the moment, but it also gives our children language to their feelings. It creates a space between the emotion and the moment which allows them to regulate their own emotions more effectively.

• Let your presence be validating. The way you show up for your child matters. Practice being with them amid their emotions. This does not mean matching your child’s emotions. This means staying, listening, and hearing them. It means comforting them and engaging them in the midst of their big emotions. Even if you don’t understand what they are feeling, you can be there to recognize and affirm their emotions.
• Let your words be validating. You can use normalizing language like “It is OK to be scared, worried, etc…” or “Most kids feel anxious about…” or “I remember feeling nervous about…” When you can normalize how kids are feeling, it reminds them that they are not alone and that others have felt these feelings and still been able to keep going. I often remind kids that it is totally normal to feel afraid of an IV or needles. Most kids have some amount of fear of getting an IV or poke. This one statement of validation often changes the tone of a room. Also, let your language be reflective. You can reflect back to them what you are seeing and hearing. “I see that you are feeling nervous about this…” or “This is a lot of information to process. I bet you are feeling a little overwhelmed.” If your child is telling you their emotions, you can reflect back on what they are saying to you. “You are wishing that you could go home” or “You don’t want to do this again and you are totally over this.” Just the recognition of emotion allows room for emotional regulation and being able to put the emotion in its proper place.

Validation is not difficult, but as a parent and caregiver, it does take practice and intentionality. Often it does not come naturally. However, the more time that you spend practicing validating your child, you will find it easier and easier. Validating our kids can be hard, but you’ve got this! ;)

Talking about hard things isn’t easy, especially for a child or teen. It’s scary to be vulnerable. But talking can bring clarity. Sharing your hurts, struggles and stress can be a release, and leaning on someone you love can lighten your mental and emotional load.

“Feelings really are visitors trying to tell you a story,” said Denise Coover, LCSW, a trauma informed care specialist at Cook Children’s Medical Center. “If you ignore the story it just keeps building and building and will demand to be heard. Think of holding in feelings like a trash compactor. You keep pressing it down, pressing it down, but eventually it explodes like a volcano. Usually with frustration, anger and aggression and that’s the danger. These things need to be expressed within a safe environment and relationship. That is key.”

Kids need adults—parents, teachers, counselors, pastors and mentors—to create an environment where they feel secure and free to unpack the things that weigh on their minds and hearts. Trusted adults can help release the pressure on the trash compactor, so to speak.

“By talking with someone we trust, we are able to process our feelings as they arise,” said Marissa Benners, Ph.D., LP, a psychologist at Cook Children’s. “It makes it easier to manage the everyday demands of life without the pressure of unresolved feelings weighing us down. Sharing our feelings with others gives us an extra person who can help us problem solve and figure out the best coping strategy.”

Michael Garcia, MS, LPC, is a trauma specialist for the Fort Worth Independent School District where he works with children in crisis every day. Without a trusted adult, he cautions that a child’s development could be influenced by less positive sources.

“A child who is struggling wants to be comforted and feel safe,” Garcia said. “A loving and caring adult provides the necessary attachment a child needs to learn how to effectively communicate needs, meet those needs and manage emotional regulation. A positive and connected caregiver greatly influences the child’s ability to navigate difficult challenges.”

But many parents have their own hurts, experiences, worries, commitments and unfulfilled expectations that are barriers to being a sounding board and source of strength for their kids.

“Parenting isn’t easy,” Garcia said. “As a matter of fact, it’s my most challenging undertaking. It’s not always easy to listen to our children with empathy and compassion when our heads are spinning with finances, deadlines, relationships, piles of laundry and a myriad of daily speed bumps.”

On the flip side, kids don’t want to be a burden to their parents who they see juggling the demands of daily life.

“Kids often tell me the adults in their lives don’t care, are too busy, have their own problems and they don’t want to cause more problems,” Garcia said. “A lot of kids are empathetic to what their parents are going through and don’t want to be another burden.”

In a recent focus group conducted by Cook Children’s, several teens said feelings of fear and insecurity also get in the way of opening up to others. They are unsure how their message will be received, and are afraid of getting in trouble, being misinterpreted and, especially these days, being canceled.

When adults allow the complications of daily life, difficult pasts, fear of other’s perceptions and shame to lead, the unwritten no-talk rule sets itself up as the standard in the home and muzzles any opportunity for communication, connection, teaching and healing. It’s one thing for a child to suffer. It’s another for them to suffer in silence. Pushing hard issues under the rug, or ignoring a child’s emotions—a natural sign that something is going on—won’t make things go away. Instead, it teaches kids to hide their struggles and sets up a breeding ground for shame, guilt, rejection, lack of trust and hopelessness.

So how can parents, teachers and child advocates be a trusted adult that welcomes the hard conversations? How can trusted adults encourage communication that sheds light on the root of the issue and helps them guide kids to problem solve through a situation?

Take stock. Garcia said we can’t be a trusted adult when we feel like we have nothing left to give. Ask yourself what you need as a parent so that you can be truly present with your kids. If you need help with your own struggles, reach out. Equipping yourself will help you take care of and equip your children.

“We are all doing the best we can, and we can do better,” Garcia said. “Kids need us to be present, loving, comforting, empathetic, compassionate and honest. They need to know that they can trust us with whatever storm is raining down on them. We have to take care of ourselves so that we can take care of our children.”

Harness your own emotions. Parents have emotions too. It’s easy and natural for those emotions to surface, especially when it comes to your children. But harnessing those feelings like anger and frustration in the moment can help you see and respond to the reality of the situation, rather than getting caught up in the emotion. Responding out of anger will only frustrate a child, but responding out of love, patience and wisdom will teach them important coping skills that will benefit them for life.

 “One of the most important factors in creating a safe space is responding to your child in a calm and compassionate manner,” Benners said. “When adults regulate their own emotions during conversations, it helps those around them feel more at ease or relaxed. Parents can help foster open conversation by being honest about their own feelings. By calmly expressing our feelings during periods of stress, for example saying, ‘I’m feeling very frustrated at the moment and I need a few minutes to calm down,’ we help normalize feelings and we teach our kids an adaptive way to express them and to ask for help.”

Watch their cues. Kids will demonstrate they need to talk through their emotions and behavior.

“When we bottle our feelings up, they tend to come out in other ways,” Benners said.

Stomachaches, headaches, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, sleep problems, irritability, meltdowns and oppositional behavior are all indicators that your child might have something weighing on their heart and mind.

Listen. This is the most important thing an adult can do for a child, according to Garcia.

“Trust comes from actively listening without judging,” he said. “Listening with empathy, compassion and curiosity is how we encourage kids to share openly.”

Embrace your child’s communication style. Kids communicate in different ways. The key is to figure out what works best for them at their current age and stage of life and go with it.

For younger kids, play is always a good communication tool.

“What kids can do in play, they can do in life,” Coover said. “I like to give a young child a toy, like a dinosaur, and throw out a scenario. Maybe T-Rex is bullying and saying you’re green, fat and ugly and pushing. If the child doesn’t have good coping skills, the dinosaur will just sit there.”

That’s when you can start talking to them about how they would handle the situation. Ask questions that help them think through how to respond. Could you tell mommy dinosaur? Can you walk away?

For older kids, especially teens, seizing the moment while you are doing another activity together is a great way to set the stage for conversation.

“I'm a big fan of asking kids questions when you're on a car ride,” Coover explained. “There's something about that side-by-side movement where they don't really have to look at you. Maybe music is playing. You get the vibration of the car. You're not really looking at them because you're concentrating on the road. Then, all of a sudden you can get all of this information from them.”

Striking up a conversation around the dinner table is another good way to check in. Coover suggests asking your child what was one thing that made them mad, sad, happy and worried that day to get the conversation flowing.

When a child can’t find the words to speak, let them draw it or write it.

“Some kids either don't have the verbiage to be able to say it or they're feeling insecure or are afraid you're going to get mad,” Coover said. “So they'll feel more comfortable writing it. I really like notebooks for pre-teens and adolescents. Like a regular composition book. Nothing fancy.

Tell your child, ‘if there's something going on you can write it and put it right here and I'll read it and respond to you.’ With little kids, if you have them come home and just draw about their day, it’s amazing what you’ll find out.”

Be an equiper, not a fixer. It’s easy for adults to want to fix a problem for a child. That takes a lot less time than letting a child express what they are thinking and feeling, but that’s not always beneficial.

“When we constantly fix things for our kids, their brains don't grow,” Coover said. “They become adults who can't manage any kind of problem in life because they've never had to. Someone has always stepped in and just took care of it for them. So their brain didn't grow in that way. They didn't create those neural pathways to know how to consider their solutions. I think it’s important that parents know that they don’t necessarily have to fix that feeling, but actually ask if their child wants advice or insight.”

Encourage them. Help them think through the issue, and make sure they know that you are here to help them figure things out.

Check in. No matter how you communicate with your child, it’s important to check in with them regularly.

“Allocate designated time with your children on a weekly basis,” Benners said. “Put your devices away and just focus on having fun together. Teens often feel like they don’t have much control over their lives, so allow them to choose an activity that appeals to them. During this time, don’t be overly intrusive by asking questions. Instead, follow your child’s lead and you may find that they will eventually open up on their own.”

When your kids know that you can be a trusted sounding board and source of wisdom for them, you’ll have the opportunity to equip them with the life skills they need for healthy living, hopefulness and resilience.

Just Breathe. Open Up. You Matter.

This is the meaning behind the Joy Campaign, which aims to prevent youth suicide. Cook Children's launched the effort in April after a record number of suicidal patients were admitted to our hospital. Over the past nine weeks, we've released a series of articles about this issue and the increasing need for mental health resources.

This week, we're giving families a tool to use during difficult times. Six of our therapists and psychologists created the coping skills videos below. They show different techniques kids and teens can use when they feel stress, anxiety and depression. These are the same coping skills our experts teach their patients. We hope these videos give young people a way to express themselves and foster hope for better days ahead.

“Coping skills are essential for children when they are having a hard time processing their emotions, or are unsure of how to handle their feelings,” said Lisa Elliott, Ph.D., psychologist and clinic manager of the Behavioral Health Clinic at Cook Children’s in Denton.

Whether it’s drawing how you feel, writing it down, acting it out, or even taking a moment to breathe, these videos illustrate how to reset your body and mind.

“While dealing with our emotions isn’t always easy, I find it is helpful for children to have resources that are easy to use when they are sad, mad, or even frustrated,” said Kim Cox, clinical therapist at Cook Children Medical Center. “If children know how to help themselves, they are more likely to do so instead of potentially doing something that isn’t safe.”

The coping skills in these videos are simple and don’t require much time or effort. They can be used anytime you want to create a sense of calm and improve mood.

Parents can help by making sure that children plan accordingly for testing days at school. Find out from your children and the school how they’re doing and the likelihood of not performing well on tests. This will help alleviate fears by pacing preparation for the tests, creating a plan to help kids succeed and encouraging them to problem-solve their worries.

Here are steps you can take to help your child during this stressful time:

1. Ask for help. If your child is especially anxious about test taking, set up a meeting with the teacher and school counselor to come up with a plan to ease fears on test day.
2. Go online and get sample items of practice tests from previous years and, if needed, practice with your children at home.
3. Practice deep breathing exercises at home. Then on test day, they will be able to put these practices into action.
4. Make sure your child gets plenty of rest. Studies have found that people who get eight hours of sleep before taking a math test are nearly three times more likely to figure out the problem than people who stay awake all night.
5. Control your children’s anxiety by making sure they are prepared. Focus on good study habits and the importance of not waiting until the last minute to cram before the test. There’s still time. Also, make sure your child has everything he or she needs going into the test. Even if it’s a new sharpened pencil. Make a check list the night before to avoid stress.
6. Stay away from entertainment as test time approaches. It’s not easy, but your child needs to study and not spend all night watching TV, looking at Facebook^® or being on the computer. You can wait on that until after the test.
7. Help your child keep mistakes in perspective. Everyone makes them and nobody is perfect. As you move closer to tests and studying, use wrong answers as a learning opportunity.
8. Eat right. Make sure your child has had enough sleep, exercise and healthy food. Avoid heavy food or desserts that may upset the stomach. Avoid  high sugar foods that may keep your child up all night and  make sure your child has a healthy breakfast (low-sugar cereal or oatmeal) the morning of the test.
9. Expect distractions. Let your child know someone in the class will have sniffles. Some kid will be banging his pencil on the desk. Someone may be humming. Those kids have their own stress. Just warn your child this is going to happen, but don’t let it be a bother.
10. After testing is completed, create ways to celebrate with your child. What you want to focus on in this celebration is the success of managing their stress, and not whether they passed or failed, which they won’t know for weeks.

I think in “Inside Out,” Riley’s family is always trying to be positive and give Riley joyful memories throughout her childhood. As the family moves and life starts to unfold negatively, we see other emotions; fear, anger, sadness and disgust, start creeping up in.

We see Joy work harder to keep Riley’s emotions as joyful as possible. Joy is an important part of our memories that we like to revisit. As a child life specialist at Cook Children’s, I try to help normalize the day and make joyful memories with patients and families.

These memories will help children cope with other struggles that they overcome and find joy in their life. As adults, we have a hard time with this because we have so many experiences with sadness, fear, anger and disgust it’s hard for us not to project our feeling on children especially when they are in the hospital.

Children that come into the hospital may experience different emotions, but joy can be found through these emotions, even when as adults we may think there is no joy.

Sometimes kids find so much joy that they don’t want to leave Cook Children’s because it has become a fun and not so scary place. We need to remember to look for joy with all that may go on in a hospital setting.

We might not think children do a great job at a procedure because maybe they cried. However, they may have held still and been able to recover with playing by the end of procedure. This can create a joyful memory with having families at the bedside showing comfort.

Sometimes going through these different periods of our life while growing up and experiencing many things good and bad allow our emotions to interact.

In “Inside Out,” we see that the character Joy realizes toward the end of the movie that you can mix your emotions and this can be considered normal. Joy realizes that you can cry tears of joy. So as a child life specialist we help families realize that tears in a difficult experience may help a child in the future to help to control his or her different emotions. The tears also allow us to look at our long-term memories and see how there might have been joy in that moment after all and change that core memory to be better than we thought.

This allows us to empower children with all these different emotions, especially joy, in their daily lives, in or out of the hospital. Joy is a great emotion which we all deserve to look for daily in our lives and others that live with us. What Joyful memory do you have?

Previous stories in our "Inside Out" series:

• Anger
• Disgust
• Sadness
• Fear

Heather Bayers is a Child Life specialist at Cook Children's. We know that a child’s illness or injury can impact a family physically, emotionally and financially. Fortunately, you don’t have to face these challenges alone. We provide a growing number of services for patients and families, all designed to help support, heal and encourage you through every step of your journey.

“Inside Out,” the new hit movie, helps us to understand, however, that sadness is just as important to our world and our perceptions, as joy and anger and all of the other emotions we encounter as human beings. We cannot pretend that sadness isn’t there. We cannot ignore it and hope it will go away. There is a reason for our sadness and if we don’t experience that feeling, it gets stuck inside where it grows and festers and can then prevent our other feelings from being realized.

We’ve heard the idea that we can’t know true joy without having known sorrow. The point in the movie where things change is when Riley’s parents stop and listen to her feelings. Riley tells her parents that she misses her old home and she wants to be with her old friends. Nobody is trying to change the way Riley feels. Nobody is trying, including Riley, to cover up her sadness with something else. Riley is allowing herself to feel the sadness and her parents are there with her, allowing her to feel. They are supporting her feelings and are listening to her.

As parents, we want our children to be happy. We want to protect them from pain. Unfortunately, that isn’t always possible. Once we understand that our children must go through pain and sadness, our job is to be there for them in those times.

We must allow those feelings to be experienced and we will likely experience the same feelings with them. Sometimes children (and adults too!) can’t put words to what they feel, but luckily words aren’t always necessary. As parents, we need to realize that at times silence is better. Don’t try to solve the pain. Don’t try to “make it better.”

As hard as it may be, let it happen.

As kids experience their feelings, they will begin to heal. Ask your child what they’re feeling and let them find their own way to tell you. They may not want to talk, so just be there. Hug them. Sit quietly with them and make sure they know you are willing to be by their side no matter what they are feeling. When they do talk about it, validate them. Tell them that it is okay to be sad, or angry, or confused. They need to know that whatever they are feeling is okay; it isn't wrong.

Here are a few examples of validating language that you can use:

“That sounds like it is really hard for you.”

“I can see that ___________ made you feel __________.” (Use their words for these blanks)

“I’m guessing you might have felt ______________ when _______________happened.” (When they aren’t providing you with answers of their own.)

Try to avoid these phrases/comments which invalidate someone:

“It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Don’t worry about it, you’re going to be fine!”

“You’ve got to be a big boy/girl, we’re not going to cry.”

Previous 'Inside Out' topics:

What 'Inside Out' teaches about fear

About the author

Shea Ingram is a music therapist at Cook Children's. At Cook Children's, music provides a creative intervention for children and young adults individually or in a small group format. It allows our young patients an outlet for the physical and emotional challenges they face in their lives.Music as an outlet and/or therapy aids communication and can be helpful to those who find it difficult to express themselves in words. Research supports music effectiveness in many areas such as: overall physical rehabilitation and facilitating movement, increasing people's motivation to become engaged in their treatment, providing emotional support for patients and their families, and providing an outlet for expression of feelings.

We can’t blame her, right? What parent doesn’t want joy to be the emotion that fills a child’s day, week, year and lifetime?

It’s the positive emotions, like joy, that we desire to be constantly filled with and to override the control center in our minds when any sign of the more ‘negative’ emotions, such as fear, sadness and anger start to rise.

Now, wanting to be a seemingly joyful, happy or content person is not at all a bad thing. Rather it’s that optimistic, glass half-full type of outlook on life that tends to attract others.

But what place do other negative emotions – like fear – have? Are they to simply be forever locked away in the subconscious realm of our minds? Could any expression of fear or anger or sadness, negative emotions that we so often seek to avoid, have a positive effect?

Fear is one of the emotions we hope our kids avoid. And when they inevitably do happen, we hope they overcome these emotions.

I believe that expressing our emotions, both positive and negative, can, in many cases create a more positive experience than suppressing or avoiding these more negative emotions such as fear.

Children who fear heights might not be the first in line to ride the rollercoaster. If someone fears snakes, they might bypass the reptile area at the zoo. When we fear something, we often try to avoid it. Sometimes, however, we inevitably are forced to come face-to-face with our fears. Or, we are placed in situations where we experience fears we didn’t know we had.

This happens all the time when children have to go to the hospital. For many children, going to see the doctor or coming to the hospital is a new experience. They often fear the unknown or their imaginations create a terrifying image of what is about to happen next. And when children have many hospital experiences and become ‘frequent flyers,’ they develop fears based on what they’ve experienced in the past.

Fears in this type of setting are almost inevitable. Our natural tendency as parents, adults or caregivers is to protect children from these fears by leaving out the scary details or distracting them so they won’t think about them.

However, many times these fears are still present and it is only a matter of time before they surface. So, rather than avoiding these fears to protect children from the hard or scary things, why not help children to process these fears and work through them?

Rather than telling children who might be scared that “there is nothing to be afraid of,” why not talk to children about what they are worried about? We can begin to work through these fears with them, developing strategies for facing fears that they might inevitably encounter, and empower them to overcome.

They may learn that just like in ‘Inside Out,’ fear is not so bad and sometimes needed.

About the author

Cristin D. Herbort is a Child Life Specialist at Cook Children's. Our Child Life specialists work with kids and families to make their visit to the medical center easier and more comfortable. Child Life staff members recognize that hospitalized children still need opportunities to just be kids. They help children and families cope with a hospital experience by providing emotional and developmental support, giving honest information geared to the child's level of understanding and providing fun activities.