What exactly is Día de los Muertos (aka Day of the Dead)? Here's a hint: It isn't Mexico's version of Halloween. This is a common misconception because the holiday is celebrated immediately after Halloween (Oct. 31). It’s a two-day celebration that takes place every year, starting on Nov. 1 and ending on Nov. 2—commonly known on the Catholic calendar as All Saints’ Day and All Souls Day. The days are focused on remembrance and celebration in honor of those relatives who have passed away. The idea and concepts behind the traditional celebration began more than 3,000 years ago with the rituals of the Aztec, Toltec, and Nahua people. The pre-columbian mesoamerican cultures believed that mourning the dead was disrespectful and that death was the natural next step in the cycle of life. While its origins date back thousands of years, modern celebrations encompass the changes that occurred as Christian traditions began to evolve and as the Roman Catholic Church expanded in Mexico.

Día de los Muertos is marked by several key features including the following:

• Altar de Muerto: Altar that includes a display of photos and special momentos honoring the dead.
• Ofrenda: This is an offering which typically includes the items placed on the table for sharing with loved ones that have passed (this can include momentos, food items or drinks that were typically favorites of those being honored).
• Pan de muerto: Sweet and anise-scented bread commonly baked in the weeks leading up to Day of the Dead and eaten during its celebrations.
• Calaveras: Thought to symbolize departed souls, these are sugar skulls.
• Papel Picado: Traditional Mexican craft in which intricate designs and patterns are cut from colorful tissue paper and can be found decorating altars during these festivities.
• Cempasuchil: Mexican marigold flowers that have a distinct scent that is thought to help attract spirits as they make their way back home to loved ones.

Modern day Americans have become more familiar with this traditional Mexican holiday given the release of recent animated films including ‘The Book of Life’ in 2014 and ‘Coco’ in 2017. These movies have allowed for a beautiful and joyous family tradition to be shared with many throughout the world. The Day of the Dead is a beautiful and vibrant celebration intended to honor our deceased loved ones. It's celebrated with colorful, thoughtful traditions meant to keep treasured memories alive. This premise is especially important because we know many in our community have experienced loss recently. Making personal adaptations to such traditions can help in the process of grief and may lead to personal traditions to carry on memories of those whom we loved.

Water safety advocates urge parents to stay vigilant to protect their children over Memorial Day Weekend and throughout the summer as backyard pool parties start happening again.

People are excited to socialize in person as coronavirus restrictions ease up -- but they must still keep close watch on the kids in the swimming pool. Drownings can occur even with many adults present.

“Everyone is so eager to get back into a normal routine and have those gatherings as COVID-19 decreases,” said Dana Walraven, manager of community health outreach for the Center for Children’s Health, led by Cook Children’s. “We’re just hoping for a heightened sense of awareness. When people are so happy to get back together, there may be distractions.”

In 2019, prior to the pandemic, the number of drowning admissions at Cook Children’s hit 71. Seven of those patients died. By comparison in 2020, there were 48 drownings seen at the medical center, three fatal. Those statics include drownings in bathtubs and open water, such as lakes; the majority, however, occurred in swimming pools.

2020’s decline in drownings came as a happy surprise to those who work to prevent injuries and deaths due to accidents in the water. One possible explanation? Last summer’s social distancing kept many families and friends from meeting up in big groups. Those big gatherings tend to be occasions when everyone assumes someone else is supervising the swimmers.

Sharon Evans, trauma injury prevention coordinator at Cook Children’s, encourages adults to take turns as designated watchers, fully attentive and within arm’s reach of kids in the pool. Designated watchers can spot trouble before it turns into tragedy.

“They don’t talk, they don’t drink, they don’t look at their phones,” Evans said. “You have to have that person in charge of watching. That is your job for 10-15 minutes, then you pass it off.”

Evans said drowning cases typically ramp up starting on Memorial Day. The age group most susceptible to drowning in pools is 1- to 4-year-olds. Precautions should be taken as well for older kids, even if they’re strong swimmers.

Drownings can happen silently and swiftly. A submerged person might not attract attention or appear to be in danger.

“It’s not like it is in the movies where they’re thrashing around and yelling for help,” Evans said. “In real life it almost looks like they’re climbing a ladder underwater, and if they can get their head above water, they just get a breath.”

“Lifeguard Your Child,” a drowning prevention campaign created by Cook Children’s, aims to get the message out through a regional collaboration of partners from eight counties across North Texas. The coalition includes school districts, police and fire departments, pool builders and swim lesson providers such as the YMCA. “Lifeguard Your Child’ promotes safety strategies through its website, videos, online classes and social media.

“The biggest piece we’re trying to do is have parents think about water safety and drowning prevention all year long,’’ Walraven said.

Campaign partners came up with new methods to reach their audiences during the COVID lockdown. Those efforts included a shift to greater virtual education. And in spite of the pandemic, “Lifeguard Your Child” reached 6,950 adults and children with educational toolkits between October 2019 and September 2020.

Highlights for drowning prevention include:

• Young children should know to never get in the water unless an adult is within reach and watching. Learn to swim and swim with a buddy.
• Teens should be alert for hazards lurking in murky lake water. No horseplay or risky stunts. Wear U.S.C.G. approved life jackets.
• Caregivers should create barriers to the pool, such as four-sided fencing. Don’t lose track of the kids during the transition from swimming to the next activity (a trip inside to the bathroom, loading the car etc.). Hospital admissions data increasingly show that drownings tend to occur during these unplanned situations “when one child goes back for a toy, or a child wants to jump in one more time,” Walraven said.

In addition to the education component, “Lifeguard Your Child” has distributed 1,296 life jackets this year in drive-through events and through six loaner stations at area lakes. The program recommends only those life jackets approved by the U.S. Coast Guard. Proper fit is essential too.

For more information about steps to prevent drowning, go to www.lifeguardyourchild.org.

Parenting can be hard. Everyday stresses can decrease patience and make parenting even harder. Always try to slow down, take advantage of every moment, and seize the opportunity to turn negative experiences into positive ones.

Consider the following ways (as recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics) to show your child your love this Valentine’s Day and every day.

1. Use Words with Care
Choose positive and encouraging words, and those that model consideration and gratitude, to help build your child’s building self-esteem. The opposite can occur when negative words or sarcasm (which is typically not understood by children) are used.

2. Spend Time Together
Hold the time together (even if limited) with importance. Celebrate the quality of the time, not the quantity. Try to take time for one-on-one activities with each child. Ensure the time is uninterrupted by cell phones or other devices. Switch off the electronics and play board games or enjoy an outdoor activity.

3. Have Heart-to-Heart Conversations
Make sure you take the time to listen to your child’s response to common questions like “How was your day?” Ask about challenges they may be experiencing and let them finish the story before you offer a solution. If you worry your child is anxious or depressed, make sure to discuss your concerns with your pediatrician

4. Give Hugs First
Human contact has shown to be a calming measure for anger and other situations in which the child may be in a bad mood or grouching. A quick hug, cuddle, pat on the back or nod or some other sign of affection can be used before talking through the difficulty. Consider waiting to discuss it further until after some time has passed when they are feeling better.

5. Always Listen
Ensure your child knows you are always listening and ready to respond promptly and lovingly. Being available to listen when your child wants to talk, even if it’s not a good time for you. This shows your child that they are a priority and tends to help with reciprocating when it's their to listen.

6. Discipline with Love
Use positive, non-violent discipline instead of physical and verbal punishments, which can negatively impact the physical and mental health of children. Clear and consistent rules are important from an early age. When rules are followed, offer praise. When they’re not followed, calmly describe consequences and follow through with them.

7. Forgive Mistakes
If you respond too harshly, make sure to apologize and explain how you will change your response in the future. No one is perfect, so forgive yourself when you react harshly. Teaching forgiveness will also teach a child to accept their own mistakes and build their confidence.

8. Create a Love for Reading
Start reading to your child during infancy. Many studies show children who are read to early and consistently have increased school success. Some studies also show that a parent-child bond is strengthened by spending time reading together.

9. Cook and Eat Together
A good way to enjoy each other's company is to spend quality time cooking and eating together. This also gives parents an opportunity to teach kids about good food choices.

10. Foster friendship
Help your child build positive relationships with friends, siblings and other family and community members. Consider helping your child volunteer or participate in other opportunities in which you can help those in need together. Encourage them to play sports or other activities that require teamwork. Spend time with neighbors doing fun activities. This can be especially hard during the pandemic, but technology can help keep people connected.

11. Adopt a Pet
Consider bringing a pet into your family. Animals can increase physical activity, enhance overall positive feelings and also give children an opportunity to connect with someone they care about. This can also offer an opportunity to develop the sense of responsibility when age-appropriate.

12. Model Health and Safety
Keep your child healthy by taking them to their wellness checks at age-appropriate intervals. Model a safe and healthy lifestyle, including nutritious eating, adequate sleep and exercise.

13. Give Affection and Attention
Make time every day to talk. Children and adolescents are more likely to make healthy choices if they are well connected with family members.

14. Use Words of Affirmation
Don’t forget to say “I love YOU!” as much as possible.

Valentine Heart Attack

Here is a great idea for Valentine’s Day (and you have plenty of time to get some of these heart messages on display for your child before Feb. 14). Give your child a ‘Valentine Heart Attack’ by cutting out paper hearts and writing nice, positive comments about them. Then, use the hearts to decorate their bedroom door. You can write one or two a day for a week leading up to the holiday, or if you are in a time crunch, write them all the night before and decorate the door with all of them.

Download free heart templates here.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Friday afternoon, families affected by drowning tragedies joined arms at Cook Children’s with physicians as well as firefighters from Fort Worth and surrounding fire departments. At a news conference organized by the hospital, they were urging parents to practice vigilance around water and protect their children from drowning. Unfortunately, their calls came directly before one of the worst weekends for pediatric drownings in recent history.

Already in May, 18 children have been admitted to Cook Children’s for drowning-related injuries and three did not survive. That’s more than double the numbers we’ve seen in the past five years.

This is also the first May since at least 2012 with drowning fatalities recorded at Cook Children’s.

“People need to actively supervise their children when they are in or even near water. This means designating a specific person who’s responsibility it is to watch the water without distraction,” said Dr. Warmink. “Teaching your children the dangers of water, having them learn to swim and parents learning CPR are also worthwhile.”

To prevent children from drowning, Cook Children’s experts recommend:

• Install four-sided fences with self-latching gates around pools
• Wear life vests with U.S. Coast Guard-approved labels
• Take family CPR lessons
• Create and follow all pool rules
• Use pool door/child alarms
• Always have an non-distracted adult act as a Water Watcher
• Schedule water safety and swim lessons
• Update pool drains and cleaning systems

For more information on how to implement this advice, please visit Cook Children’s Water Safety website.

Lifeguard Your Child 

It's time to make Texas #1 in drowning prevention. Drowning is the leading cause of accidental death for children ages 1 to 4, and the second leading cause for kids 1-14 in Texas. But with your help, we can change that. Please join us in our drowning prevention effort. Together, we can Lifeguard Your Child around water.

Want to know how you can get involved or create an awareness campaign in your community? Contact Dana Walraven, Safe Kids Tarrant County coordinator at 682-885-1619 or email safe.kids@cookchildrens.org.

Oehlert is currently a clinical operations manager at Cook Children’s and one of the more than 250 Cook Children’s employees who will be honored this Veterans Day.

Like many people in healthcare, Oehlert was inspired to pursue a job in nursing after a traumatic life experience. In her case, it was the brain aneurysm her mother suffered when she was 13 years old that set her on her path. For two and a half months, Oehlert learned tips from the nurses on how to help her mother recover while doctors worked to reduce the swelling in her skull. She received her LVN while still in high school and, like her father, enlisted in the Air National Guard at the age of 17.

“I was a health service technician, aka a field medic. We trained to take care of casualties either in the field or in a hospital setting,” said Oehlert.

Though most of her service was here in the United States, she was deployed overseas several times. She was sent to Saudi Arabia twice, but luckily never encountered combat.

A separate deployment to Landstuhl, Germany left one of the biggest impressions on her.

“Landstuhl was the first echelon of care that one would receive after being injured in the field,” she said. “I was working on the orthopedic floor during the time the Battle of Fallujah was happening. We were always full. The majority of the injuries were from IED (Improvised Explosive Device) blasts. We saw everything from amputations to broken appendages.”

While taking care of their physical wounds was her main objective, Oehlert also spent a lot of time talking to the service members who found themselves in Landstuhl. She said many didn’t know how to process what they had been through, so she would often sit with them and listen to their stories.

“It just kind of became natural because I’m the kind of person who always asking ‘how’s it going?’ and you could just see that some of them needed to talk about their experiences. It was part of the healing process and a way to make sure they weren’t closing themselves off,” Oehlert explained.

Another life-changing experience came when she was called on to help unload the body of a fallen service member from a rotator.

“I’ll never forget the first body I took off a plane. They’re still bloody and dirty from the battlefield. You’ll never forget those men,” she said in a somber tone. “You always have respect for putting on uniform, but you have even more respect when you see what the individuals down range have been through.”

After 26 years of service, Chief Master Sgt. Oehlert retired last year. She says she still struggles with considering herself a veteran, but is starting to grow into the role. In fact, she is one of the founding members of Cook Children’s newly formed Veterans Group, which aims to increase awareness and recognition for veteran and military families within Cook Children’s.

“I think it’s going to help not only our own employees realize how many military members are at Cook Children’s, but our patient families who may not even know how many of us are helping to take care of their children,” she said.

Dr. McGehee, seen here with his daughter Brigid, became a stepfather of two younger girls 15 years ago, after his own four children were nearly grown and out of the house. He feels like the commitment he keeps to his wife, Pam, is what makes him a better father of a strong family.

“I know, to some, it sounds like it defies common sense to say put the children second,” Dr. McGehee said. “But, I think you have to have a strong marriage and a strong bond between the husband and wife. From there, everything grows from the love in that relationship. If the marriage is solid, the kids will benefit.”

That strong relationship between spouses will also be needed, Dr. McGehee said, with the extra challenges that come from being a stepparent.

Children of divorce often have emotional issues, sometimes of abandonment and sometimes of anger against the new father. Dr. McGehee said the parents need to have a unified front in dealing with their kids.

“You have to eventually find that place where you trust the stepparent and their objectivity,” Dr. McGehee said. “The stepparent can look at things with fresh eyes and without some of the emotional entanglement that may be there with the biological parent and the children. Hopefully, the biological parent will find that objectivity helpful.”

And then there’s one more relationship that Dr. McGehee feels stepdad has to at least attempt to make – with the biological dad.

“We have something in common – the relationship with the kids,” Dr. McGehee said. “I would hope that we are both trying to love and nurture the child. You have to try to get along with each other, eventually you will have things like graduation and weddings to attend together. You may not ever be friends, but you should at least be colleagues in raising a child. All the parents involved should have the same goals for the child – making them a happy, healthy and successful person.”

July 6

‘My how kisses change’

This Sunday is World Kiss Day and I have to declare it’s official; my kids won’t let me kiss them anymore (without a bribe). I didn’t expect it to happen this quick. Somehow when they were ages one and three, I thought they would wait until they were at least 20 before they wouldn’t let me kiss them in public, but not 10 and 12. 

When they were little, I would walk in the door from work and they would run to me on those wobbly legs with their arms open and lips puckered. It was so sweet to come home to their little kisses. My how kisses change. I remember dropping off my oldest at kindergarten and he wanted to walk from the front door to his room by himself. Agh! I let him, but only in exchange for a kiss. Next, he wouldn’t allow me to kiss him at all on school property. Ok I can handle this, because that means I get to kiss you as much as I want to at home! Well for a little while. Now if he doesn’t pick up that fill in the blank because I’ve asked you a thousand times, I’ll kiss you in front of your friends. Wow, that was genius and low blow on my part, but I’m desperate.

How do they seem to instinctively know how to wipe off kisses and run to the next adventure without looking back? It’s their way of saying you did a good job mom. I can do it on my own. 

I’ll take that, but I still want that kiss every now and again.

P.S. It's World Kiss Day! So give your mom a kiss. Of course I encourage them for all family members. In this picture grandmother got a double.

The Emergency Department at Cook Children’s sees eye and face injuries from projectiles (fireworks that launch or that have parts that explode off), hand and finger injuries from holding items while they explode and burns of every type, especially when children are running around barefoot.

U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC)’s annual death and injury report on fireworks incidents indicates that nearly half of these injuries occurred to children younger than 15 years of age. The culprits? Firecrackers, bottle rockets and sparklers – yes, sparklers.

Sparklers are considered by many to be the “safe” firework. But even an innocent looking sparkler can get as hot as the flame on some blow torches and can easily ignite clothing?

“Every firework has its dangers and there simply isn’t one that I would consider completely safe,” said Justin Smith, M.D., a pediatrician in Lewisville. “Parents would be safest to take their children to an event and watch fireworks. You will have a good time and can view from a distance.”

Remind your friends and neighbors, before they touch a flame to any fireworks, to make sure it’s legal to do so where they live.

Prevent the Tragedies

If fireworks can be used legally where you live and you do want to use them, here are a few guidelines CPSC recommends they follow:

1. Never allow young children to play with or ignite fireworks. Adults should always supervise fireworks activities.
2. Never try to re-light or pick up fireworks that fizzle and don’t go off.
3. Never point or throw fireworks at another person.
4. Keep a bucket of water or a garden hose handy in case of fire or other mishap. After fireworks fully complete their functioning, douse the spent device with plenty of water from a bucket or hose before discarding to prevent a fire.

More guidelines are at CPSC’s Fireworks Information Center. 

I hope everyone had a great Father’s Day. I'm sure there were no fights between fathers and their teenage children.

Maybe, you had barbecue and ugly ties mixed with good feelings and love all around. But now back to reality.

Because of that, you can consider this a post for all the other weeks of the year when there might be more "disagreements" between fathers and teenagers. Most of you might be able to file this away under the Common Sense tab of your brain but I think it is a good reminder.

What is the best way for a teenager to resolve a fight with his/her dad?

Find someone else to support them through dealing with the conflict in a healthy way.

Jeff Cookston from San Francisco State University studied almost 400 families asking them questions about how they handled father-child conflict. He released a study in the March edition of the Journal of Research on Adolescence.  

The most common people that teenagers talked to were mothers, then friends and occasionally a stepfather or father (if conflict is with stepdad).

The study compared two positive ways the support person could discuss the problem with the teenager: giving an explanation for dad's behavior and assigning responsibility for the conflict.

So, to make the adolescent happy, just take his or her side and assign all the blame to the father, right? Actually, you may be surprised to learn that’s not true.

In fact, a real discussion about the reasons for dad's opinion and a fair assessment of the responsibility of the conflict left children feeling better about themselves and their fathers in the long run.

So, how does this play out in a real life situation?

Conflict #1:

"But, dad, I really want to go to this party and it won't even get started going strong until 11!"

"Sorry, it's just not going to happen this week."

Bad support:

"That's just how your dad is, he's always been overprotective."

Good support:

"I'm sure your dad is just concerned about you being safe and remember what happened the last time you went to a party and came home hours after your curfew."

Conflict #2:

“But, dad you can’t take away my Xbox!”

Bad support: 

“He’s just being dumb.  You can always play after he goes to bed.  I’ll try to convince him to give it back.”

Good support:

“I think he’s concerned because we’ve noticed that your grades have been dropping and you are having a hard time getting out of bed in the morning.  Maybe if you show him that you can show more responsibility, we can talk about getting it back.”

Give the father in your life the best gift you can give them this year, support your teenager in a way that helps them feel better about themselves and their Dad. (The ugly ties can wait until next year.)

Avery’s due date was supposed to be June 20 but because of my high blood pressure, we knew that I would be induced before my due date. So I knew I would have this year’s Father’s Day gift covered; I would have just given birth to a beautiful baby girl making for the best present ever! Well, obviously things didn’t go as planned and Shawn’s Father’s Day gift came three and a half months early.

Since Father’s Day is this Sunday, this blog is dedicated to all the NICU dads out there. I want you to know how important you are. I’ve seen how everyone is always focused on mom and baby, especially if it was mom's health condition that caused the early delivery but dad often gets neglected. Well, I can honestly say that Shawn is the reason people think that I’m handling this situation so well. Of course, every relationship dynamic is different, but for us, Shawn is the glue that holds our family together. 

He has truly embraced his new role as Avery’s daddy and shown so much strength throughout this whole experience. He stays positive even in our darkest days and truly is my rock. He can always find something to be positive about, no matter what is going on with Avery at the moment.

Once Avery was brought into this world, Shawn walked with the Cook Children’s transport team across the bridge from Harris downtown to the Cook Children’s NICU with Avery in her isolette and has never looked back. For the first few days of Avery’s life while I was stuck in the hospital, Shawn was the one over in the NICU all the time, meeting her doctors and nurses for the first time, learning the terminology and about what battles Avery would face. He would send me pictures of Avery when he was over there and then come back to my hospital room and give me reports. Never once did he seem scared or intimidated. Never once did it seem like it was too much.

Now that we’ve been in the NICU for a few months, Shawn has really gotten comfortable with Avery and all of her equipment. Some people would be overwhelmed by a baby hooked up to so many different machines but I can tell that when he looks at her, all he sees is his beautiful daughter. In fact, he’s so comfortable that he’s learned how to operate some of the equipment and is always willing to give the nurses a hand. As a joke, I’ve started to call him Nurse Wooley.

In talking to several of my friends who are dads, they’ve talked about feeling somewhat helpless in the first few days and weeks of their child’s life. The most important thing that a baby needs, besides sleep, is something they are unable to give them, milk. As a mom in the NICU, I know that helpless feeling all too well but dads, you should never underestimate the role that you play. The moral support that you provide to your wife and child is priceless. Shawn may not be able to provide Avery with the food she needs right now but he stays up late sometimes with me to pump and always encourages me even when I’d rather hit snooze on the alarm than get out of bed for yet another pumping session.

So, to all the NICU fathers, please don’t feel helpless. You are helping more than you know. Keep pushing the wheelchair because your wife isn’t well enough yet to walk to the NICU; offer to wash her pump parts so she can get an extra 10 minutes of sleep, proudly deliver her milk to the milk bank and most important of all, know that just by being there, you are helping.

To Shawn, happy first Father's Day. You are the best father Avery could have ever asked for. I am in awe of the strength you have shown.

Avery update:

We are off the ventilator! In true Avery fashion, Avery pulled her own tube out on the morning the doctor was already planning to take it out. She definitely does things on her terms! She is 5 pounds, 8 ounces and doing great on continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP). Our doctor is hoping to have her off CPAP in the next couple weeks. After that, there are a couple more steps to breathing on her own. We are able to hold her so much easier now. Grandparents are taking turns holding her and she's getting used to sitting in our bouncy seat. She loves being out of her bed and is definitely a very social baby. She is in clothes and already very fashionable! She gets many visits throughout the day from the nursing staff so they can see what she's wearing. We are getting that much closer to be able to take our sweet girl home!

Related links:

• Avery's story - part 1
• Avery's story - part 2
• Avery's story - part 3

For many families, the summer means boating and swimming season. But it can also mean danger, as one of the worst drowning weekends of the year. Please take these extra precautions for a safe, fun holiday.

1. Don’t drink and drive. This takes on dual meaning, both on the road and in the water. According to the Texas Parks & Wildlife website, open containers on boats are legal, but operators of boats are subject to boating while intoxicated laws, the same as driving a vehicle. “Operators or passengers may also be subject to public intoxication laws. Drinking and boating is DANGEROUS and the cause of most boating fatalities,” the site said.

2. You also need a license. You need to know how to operate your boat, just like a car. The course is $20. In Texas a person cannot operate a windblown vessel over 14 feet in length, a motorboat with more than 15 horsepower, or personal watercraft unless he/she:

• Was born on or after September 1, 1993 and has passed a boater education class or equivalency examination prescribed by the department.
• Is 18 years of age and can lawfully operate the motorboat and is on board the motor boat when underway.
• Is at least 13 years of age and have successfully completed a boater education course approved by the Department.

3. Kids don’t get on a personal watercraft without an adult. Children under 13 are specifically prohibited from operating a PWC unless accompanied on board by a person at least 18 years of age.

4. Life jackets are an absolute must!! Everyone on any watercraft at the lake should be outfitted with a jacket. When selecting a life jacket, size matters. Learn more from the Texas Parks & Wildlife site.

5. Teach your kids to swim. Drowning is the leading cause of unintentional injury-related death in children ages 1 to 4 years old and the second leading cause of unintentional injury-related death for ages 1 to 14. Whether if it’s in a lake or a pool, your child needs to know how to swim. Learn more today or start them on swim lessons this weekend.

Stop screaming in the car!

That's enough!

Just stop!

I'm the “out-of-home” worker in our family, while my wife is able to do her job mainly from the house. Therefore, I usually have:

1. brief periods of time alone with the 3 kids.
2. time at home when the duties are shared between my wife and me.

Because of Mother's Day Weekend, I got to spend more time alone with the 3 littles this weekend (all under 5).

As the weekend wore on, there were more moments of frustration.  I'd like to think they were just particularly crazy this weekend but I'm sure that would just be lying to myself and trying to justify my frustration.

Finally, on the way to get some tortillas for dinner Sunday night, after repeated attempts to get my kids in the car, listening to them scream at each other and seeing my 3 year old more or less punch my 5 year old in the face....

"Stop screaming in the car!

That's enough!

Just stop!"

I didn't REALLY yell at them. They weren't physically threatened. But, there were three pair of scared eyes looking back at me in the rear-view mirror.

Fortunately, a week before, I'd listened to Michael Hyatt's Podcast: 4 Difficult Sentences for Leaders.

In it, he outlines a four-sentence method for apologizing:

Sentence #1: I am sorry.

Sentence #2: I know that hurt.

Sentence #3: I was wrong.

Sentence #4: Will you please forgive me?

He also reminds us to avoid using terms like if and but...

So, I had the 5 minute drive home to think about it. The kids were quiet by now. They had either forgotten about it, they were too terrified to speak or Thomas the Tank Engine^™ just got much more interesting.

But when we got home, here's how it went:

"Guys, I'm sorry I yelled at you. I know that was scary. I should not have done that. Will you please forgive me?"

Some tips:

1. Apologize specifically for what you did, recognize how they felt, apologize again and ask forgiveness.
2. Don't use ifs or buts.  It was very tempting to say, "I'm sorry I yelled at you guys, but you should have come quicker and you shouldn't have been screaming and you shouldn't..."  But, then I'm not truly acknowledging the fact that I shouldn't have raised my voice.

There has been talk in the media and blogging world lately about how forcing your kids to apologize doesn’t actually teach them to apologize. I’ve seen this to be true in my family, they barely get the “I’m sorry” out before they are running off to do something else and very likely to come back and do the same thing two minutes later.

However, there are many reasons to apologize to your kids. First, modeling that one should apologize when they are wrong is a better method of teaching your children the power of apology. Another benefit is what it does for you. After apologizing, I was back in the right frame of mind to go back inside and parent more positively and with more patience rather than continuing to be angry and letting my kids suffer the ongoing consequences. It sure didn’t hurt that I heard this in return:  

5 yo: Of course, we forgive you.

3 yo: Yeah, we wuv you dad.

Almost 2 yo: Go, go; pway, pway; hungy!!

Well, 2 out of 3 isn't so bad.

"My mom used to say, 'When God closes a door, He always opens a window.' I have found that to be true many times in my life. My life as a pediatrician is a result of crawling through an open window when the door I thought I was supposed to walk through was closed to me."

Jason Terk, M.D., Keller, Keller Parkway

"Florinda Peak, the most amazing Mommy in the world, to 5 year old Dr Sandra Peak who did not want to practice reading… 'You have to learn how to read…because when you do the whole world opens up to you!'”

Sandra Peak, M.D., Lewisville

"The best advice my mother ever gave me was to give to others without expecting anything in return. (She also told me to never go outside with wet hair because I’d catch a cold, but medical school later disproved that. Sorry mom.)"

Diane Arnaout, M.D., Willow Park

"The best advice my mother ever gave me was, “never miss the chance to use a perfectly good bathroom” when you are out of the house."

Audrey Rogers, M.D., Fort Worth, Forest Park

Nicole Wineriter, M.D., Keller, HeritageTrace

"My mom told me to respect (be nice) to the nurses because they can either make or break your day."

Samuel Sheng, M.D., Arlington Neighborhood Clinic

"Encourage others. She always wrote notes to people for accomplishments, during sad times and just because."

Justin Smith, M.D., Lewisville

And finally, our favorite advice ...

"Marry Joan."

Tom Rogers, M.D., Forest Park. Dr. Rogers and his wife Joan have been married 59 years and today, she is a proud mother. "Joan worked to pay my way through medical school, gave me two great kids who are both pediatricians, and has allowed me to work without having to pay attention to small things like finances, maintenance of our house and yardwork. I couldn't be where I am today without her," Dr. Rogers said.

Happy Mother's Day from all of us at Cook Children's ...