Dr. McGehee, seen here with his daughter Brigid, became a stepfather of two younger girls 15 years ago, after his own four children were nearly grown and out of the house. He feels like the commitment he keeps to his wife, Pam, is what makes him a better father of a strong family.

“I know, to some, it sounds like it defies common sense to say put the children second,” Dr. McGehee said. “But, I think you have to have a strong marriage and a strong bond between the husband and wife. From there, everything grows from the love in that relationship. If the marriage is solid, the kids will benefit.”

That strong relationship between spouses will also be needed, Dr. McGehee said, with the extra challenges that come from being a stepparent.

Children of divorce often have emotional issues, sometimes of abandonment and sometimes of anger against the new father. Dr. McGehee said the parents need to have a unified front in dealing with their kids.

“You have to eventually find that place where you trust the stepparent and their objectivity,” Dr. McGehee said. “The stepparent can look at things with fresh eyes and without some of the emotional entanglement that may be there with the biological parent and the children. Hopefully, the biological parent will find that objectivity helpful.”

And then there’s one more relationship that Dr. McGehee feels stepdad has to at least attempt to make – with the biological dad.

“We have something in common – the relationship with the kids,” Dr. McGehee said. “I would hope that we are both trying to love and nurture the child. You have to try to get along with each other, eventually you will have things like graduation and weddings to attend together. You may not ever be friends, but you should at least be colleagues in raising a child. All the parents involved should have the same goals for the child – making them a happy, healthy and successful person.”

Sometimes I have to be reminded by Mrs. Smitty to put down the iPhone or the tablet and spend some family time. After all, this is the new era of fathers being more involved than ever before.

The  American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) highlights the significant amount of research that has been done on the 'New Fatherhood' and the important role that dads play in their child’s development, mental health and many other areas of well-being.

And the benefit of fathers is not just restricted to the biological dad.

Fatherhood can be defined generally as “the male or males identified as most involved in caregiving and committed to the well-being of the child, regardless of living situation, marital status, or biological relation.” This means that biological, foster, adoptive, step-, grand- or any other father matters.

The report highlights the many benefits that fathers provide for their children throughout the child’s years of development.

Before Birth

Even before the baby is born, father’s help to set the foundation for their children’s health. If fathers are involved during pregnancy, moms are 1.5 times more likely to get early prenatal care. If mom smokes, they are more likely to stop smoking if dad is involved with the pregnancy.

Newborn and Infant Period

Supportive fathers play a huge role in the success of breastfeeding and a “competitive” father can undermine it. Fathers play with infants differently than mothers. Their play tends to be more “stimulating, vigorous and arousing.” These interactions may encourage more exploration and independence in children.

Early Childhood

Fathers speak to children differently than mothers. They tend to use words that are new which might stretch a child to learn new and different words. If dads are involved with their children during infancy, those kids are less likely to have mental health symptoms when they get older.

Adolescence

When a father is involved, adolescents are less likely to have depressive symptoms (both genders) and be less likely to be involved in risk-taking behaviors (especially in boys). Daughters benefit from father involvement by being less likely to have “early puberty, decreased early sexual experiences, and decreased teen pregnancy.”

Summary

While they may not always do things the same as mothers, the role of the father and the benefits they provide need to be acknowledged. Perpetuating old stereotypes about fatherhood undermines the importance in the development of their children. Highlighting the value of fatherhood should encourage fathers that their involvement matters in many ways.

So how do you find “father time?”

Healthy father-child interaction can involve any number of activities, including playing a board game or video game together, attending or coaching the child’s sports games, or chaperoning a class field trip, party or school dance.

“Spending time together sends the message that you are interested in your child and enjoy his or her company,” said Joy Crabtree, Psy.D., licensed psychologist at Cook Children’s Urgent Care and Pediatric Specialties Center in Southlake. “Creating these positive memories is crucial to your child’s emotional development.”

Crabtree said it’s also important to incorporate quality time into casual, everyday experiences. Bring your child along to run errands, and let him or her help you with light yard work and other chores around the house.

For young boys especially, “goofing off” and appropriate roughhousing help instill a sense of trust in dads, which may promote healthy behaviors later in life.

“Boys tend to imitate their fathers’ parenting styles when they grow up and become fathers themselves,” Crabtree said. “For girls, having regular fatherly interaction can help quell inappropriate attention seeking behavior in their teenage years.”

I hope everyone had a great Father’s Day. I'm sure there were no fights between fathers and their teenage children.

Maybe, you had barbecue and ugly ties mixed with good feelings and love all around. But now back to reality.

Because of that, you can consider this a post for all the other weeks of the year when there might be more "disagreements" between fathers and teenagers. Most of you might be able to file this away under the Common Sense tab of your brain but I think it is a good reminder.

What is the best way for a teenager to resolve a fight with his/her dad?

Find someone else to support them through dealing with the conflict in a healthy way.

Jeff Cookston from San Francisco State University studied almost 400 families asking them questions about how they handled father-child conflict. He released a study in the March edition of the Journal of Research on Adolescence.  

The most common people that teenagers talked to were mothers, then friends and occasionally a stepfather or father (if conflict is with stepdad).

The study compared two positive ways the support person could discuss the problem with the teenager: giving an explanation for dad's behavior and assigning responsibility for the conflict.

So, to make the adolescent happy, just take his or her side and assign all the blame to the father, right? Actually, you may be surprised to learn that’s not true.

In fact, a real discussion about the reasons for dad's opinion and a fair assessment of the responsibility of the conflict left children feeling better about themselves and their fathers in the long run.

So, how does this play out in a real life situation?

Conflict #1:

"But, dad, I really want to go to this party and it won't even get started going strong until 11!"

"Sorry, it's just not going to happen this week."

Bad support:

"That's just how your dad is, he's always been overprotective."

Good support:

"I'm sure your dad is just concerned about you being safe and remember what happened the last time you went to a party and came home hours after your curfew."

Conflict #2:

“But, dad you can’t take away my Xbox!”

Bad support: 

“He’s just being dumb.  You can always play after he goes to bed.  I’ll try to convince him to give it back.”

Good support:

“I think he’s concerned because we’ve noticed that your grades have been dropping and you are having a hard time getting out of bed in the morning.  Maybe if you show him that you can show more responsibility, we can talk about getting it back.”

Give the father in your life the best gift you can give them this year, support your teenager in a way that helps them feel better about themselves and their Dad. (The ugly ties can wait until next year.)

I don’t have to look at a watch to know when it’s time for lunch. At around 11:30 a.m. my stomach starts to grumble. I’m ready to eat.

My gut kicked in once again on a Tuesday when my phone rang at 11 in the morning. It was my son’s school. Trouble.

The school nurse, who I have become all too familiar with, was on the line. She told me “Mr. Jack” had bumped heads with another little boy during a game of tag. Jack bled a bit from his mouth, his gums were swollen and his left front tooth was loose. He wants everyone to know that he didn’t cry.

Overall, he was OK, but now my kindergartner needed to go to the dentist to get checked out. Only one problem – I didn’t know the name of his dentist, what her practice was called or the phone number to reach her. I guess technically, that’s three problems, but you get the idea.

My wife flew to Washington D.C. over the weekend for work. She makes this annual trip and during that time I realize how helpless and hopeless I am. As a product of a single mother, I also tend to make more calls to my mom than normal just to say thanks.

As I write this, my wife’s on her way home, but here’s a quick overview of how the two men in her life fared while she was away:

Saturday – I totally caved and bought Jack unnecessary toys that I would have said no to if I had my wife there to back me up. Honestly, I didn’t want to hear him complain. Wimp. Not him. Me.

Sunday – We had cereal for breakfast, a few chicken nuggets from the golden arches for lunch and a flag football game that afternoon. Then that evening, Jack totally ratted me out to his grandparents at a dinner they made for the two bachelors. “I’m starving,” he said. When asked why, he told my wife’s parents how little he had eaten that day.

Monday – We had cereal for breakfast and dinner. That evening, we went out for Jack to work on his bike riding skills. There’s a challenging hill near our house that he’s had trouble conquering. With his helmet safely on, he asked if I would catch him if he fell. I told him I would do my best. He aced the hill. I strategically cut down sidewalk to be there for him as he rounded the corner. The only problem was that he didn’t round the corner. His momentum took him off the path and face first into the grass. As he lay motionless, I hate to admit this, but my first thought was, “His mom is going to kill me!” Jack was OK. Thank you God. He hurt his nose and his knee was scraped up a bit. He cried (don’t tell him I told you), but he was Ok overall. At least physically. That night he had a nightmare that I’m pretty sure was because of the fall and probably new found trust issues with his father.

Tuesday – We’ve covered it. But one thing I really do want to point out in all seriousness, dads know your emergency contact numbers and know the numbers of everyone you may need to call just in case.

Wednesday – Mommy’s coming home! My son can’t wait. He told me this morning that he was going to give her a big hug as soon as he saw her. Me too.