Just Breathe. Open Up. You Matter.

This is the meaning behind the Joy Campaign, which aims to prevent youth suicide. Cook Children's launched the effort in April after a record number of suicidal patients were admitted to our hospital. Over the past nine weeks, we've released a series of articles about this issue and the increasing need for mental health resources.

This week, we're giving families a tool to use during difficult times. Six of our therapists and psychologists created the coping skills videos below. They show different techniques kids and teens can use when they feel stress, anxiety and depression. These are the same coping skills our experts teach their patients. We hope these videos give young people a way to express themselves and foster hope for better days ahead.

“Coping skills are essential for children when they are having a hard time processing their emotions, or are unsure of how to handle their feelings,” said Lisa Elliott, Ph.D., psychologist and clinic manager of the Behavioral Health Clinic at Cook Children’s in Denton.

Whether it’s drawing how you feel, writing it down, acting it out, or even taking a moment to breathe, these videos illustrate how to reset your body and mind.

“While dealing with our emotions isn’t always easy, I find it is helpful for children to have resources that are easy to use when they are sad, mad, or even frustrated,” said Kim Cox, clinical therapist at Cook Children Medical Center. “If children know how to help themselves, they are more likely to do so instead of potentially doing something that isn’t safe.”

The coping skills in these videos are simple and don’t require much time or effort. They can be used anytime you want to create a sense of calm and improve mood.

“Inside Out,” the new hit movie, helps us to understand, however, that sadness is just as important to our world and our perceptions, as joy and anger and all of the other emotions we encounter as human beings. We cannot pretend that sadness isn’t there. We cannot ignore it and hope it will go away. There is a reason for our sadness and if we don’t experience that feeling, it gets stuck inside where it grows and festers and can then prevent our other feelings from being realized.

We’ve heard the idea that we can’t know true joy without having known sorrow. The point in the movie where things change is when Riley’s parents stop and listen to her feelings. Riley tells her parents that she misses her old home and she wants to be with her old friends. Nobody is trying to change the way Riley feels. Nobody is trying, including Riley, to cover up her sadness with something else. Riley is allowing herself to feel the sadness and her parents are there with her, allowing her to feel. They are supporting her feelings and are listening to her.

As parents, we want our children to be happy. We want to protect them from pain. Unfortunately, that isn’t always possible. Once we understand that our children must go through pain and sadness, our job is to be there for them in those times.

We must allow those feelings to be experienced and we will likely experience the same feelings with them. Sometimes children (and adults too!) can’t put words to what they feel, but luckily words aren’t always necessary. As parents, we need to realize that at times silence is better. Don’t try to solve the pain. Don’t try to “make it better.”

As hard as it may be, let it happen.

As kids experience their feelings, they will begin to heal. Ask your child what they’re feeling and let them find their own way to tell you. They may not want to talk, so just be there. Hug them. Sit quietly with them and make sure they know you are willing to be by their side no matter what they are feeling. When they do talk about it, validate them. Tell them that it is okay to be sad, or angry, or confused. They need to know that whatever they are feeling is okay; it isn't wrong.

Here are a few examples of validating language that you can use:

“That sounds like it is really hard for you.”

“I can see that ___________ made you feel __________.” (Use their words for these blanks)

“I’m guessing you might have felt ______________ when _______________happened.” (When they aren’t providing you with answers of their own.)

Try to avoid these phrases/comments which invalidate someone:

“It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Don’t worry about it, you’re going to be fine!”

“You’ve got to be a big boy/girl, we’re not going to cry.”

Previous 'Inside Out' topics:

What 'Inside Out' teaches about fear

About the author

Shea Ingram is a music therapist at Cook Children's. At Cook Children's, music provides a creative intervention for children and young adults individually or in a small group format. It allows our young patients an outlet for the physical and emotional challenges they face in their lives.Music as an outlet and/or therapy aids communication and can be helpful to those who find it difficult to express themselves in words. Research supports music effectiveness in many areas such as: overall physical rehabilitation and facilitating movement, increasing people's motivation to become engaged in their treatment, providing emotional support for patients and their families, and providing an outlet for expression of feelings.

We can’t blame her, right? What parent doesn’t want joy to be the emotion that fills a child’s day, week, year and lifetime?

It’s the positive emotions, like joy, that we desire to be constantly filled with and to override the control center in our minds when any sign of the more ‘negative’ emotions, such as fear, sadness and anger start to rise.

Now, wanting to be a seemingly joyful, happy or content person is not at all a bad thing. Rather it’s that optimistic, glass half-full type of outlook on life that tends to attract others.

But what place do other negative emotions – like fear – have? Are they to simply be forever locked away in the subconscious realm of our minds? Could any expression of fear or anger or sadness, negative emotions that we so often seek to avoid, have a positive effect?

Fear is one of the emotions we hope our kids avoid. And when they inevitably do happen, we hope they overcome these emotions.

I believe that expressing our emotions, both positive and negative, can, in many cases create a more positive experience than suppressing or avoiding these more negative emotions such as fear.

Children who fear heights might not be the first in line to ride the rollercoaster. If someone fears snakes, they might bypass the reptile area at the zoo. When we fear something, we often try to avoid it. Sometimes, however, we inevitably are forced to come face-to-face with our fears. Or, we are placed in situations where we experience fears we didn’t know we had.

This happens all the time when children have to go to the hospital. For many children, going to see the doctor or coming to the hospital is a new experience. They often fear the unknown or their imaginations create a terrifying image of what is about to happen next. And when children have many hospital experiences and become ‘frequent flyers,’ they develop fears based on what they’ve experienced in the past.

Fears in this type of setting are almost inevitable. Our natural tendency as parents, adults or caregivers is to protect children from these fears by leaving out the scary details or distracting them so they won’t think about them.

However, many times these fears are still present and it is only a matter of time before they surface. So, rather than avoiding these fears to protect children from the hard or scary things, why not help children to process these fears and work through them?

Rather than telling children who might be scared that “there is nothing to be afraid of,” why not talk to children about what they are worried about? We can begin to work through these fears with them, developing strategies for facing fears that they might inevitably encounter, and empower them to overcome.

They may learn that just like in ‘Inside Out,’ fear is not so bad and sometimes needed.

About the author

Cristin D. Herbort is a Child Life Specialist at Cook Children's. Our Child Life specialists work with kids and families to make their visit to the medical center easier and more comfortable. Child Life staff members recognize that hospitalized children still need opportunities to just be kids. They help children and families cope with a hospital experience by providing emotional and developmental support, giving honest information geared to the child's level of understanding and providing fun activities.