And, I’m pretty sure my freshly minted 10 year old will soon be asking about his own Twitter, Instagram or YouTube account soon. I realize this is a tricky situation. Especially since I’m the medical advisor for Digital Health at Cook Children’s and I’m active on social media.

Trust me I see the irony … or maybe the hypocrisy.

But Right now I’m planning to hold off AS.LONG.AS.I.CAN.

Why?

Because I’m a parent. I worry about my kids like everyone else and I want them to be safe and protected

I’m also a pediatrician and I talk to too many kids in my office who are dealing with the negative fall-out of social media. I also see way too many studies addressing how social media has caused harm.

Social media can lead to:

• A fear of missing out. I wasn’t cool in high school (this may shock you and if it doesn’t just stay quiet) but I really didn’t know what I was missing out on. Everyone partied on the weekend but didn’t say much to me about it on Monday. If there had been pictures and posts from the weekends, I would’ve understood how left out I probably was.
• Inappropriate expectations of appearance. We don’t look like the celebrities we follow on social media and we probably never will. Sometimes though it’s important to remember the celebrities don’t look like the celebrities when they are on social media either. They are photoshopped and edited many times. But still, our kids are left to compare themselves to people who taking professional photos or using editing software to make everything look perfect. It’s their job after all. Unfortunately, that doesn’t keep many of us from feeling jealous or feeling like we’ve fallen short when we don’t.
• Bullying. Anonymous or even semi-anonymous (or “behind the screen”) empowered bullying can cause isolation and fear. And it doesn’t stop when you go home from school like it did when I was a kid/teen.
• A lack of ability to process our feelings. The constant ding of dopamine we get from the amount of likes on our posts enables us to continue posting to get our fix rather than process and dive into our sadness.
• Oversharing and shame. Teenagers and preteens don’t understand the significance of oversharing and what can happen later when those details (or pictures) get shared to a wider audience.

So what should we do as parents?

Here’s what I recommend:

• Keep your child off social media as long as possible. I know. I hear it too with my three kids. But the longer you can keep them away from it, the more time you have to talk to your kids about this issue and let them mature to handle what will inevitably come their way.
• When they get on, you get copies of their passwords and connect with their accounts. You can have privacy when you are out from under my roof. Oh man, I’m starting to sound more and more like my dad. But until then, sorry kids, I’m doing everything in my power to protect you.
• You reserve the right to delete the account and take their phone at any time. I paid for it and I can take it away.

I hope this helps. Just know I’m dealing with it too and would love to hear your thoughts. Again for irony … on social media.

A recent poll by Common Sense Media shows how much teens rely n their media devices. About 50 percent of teens say they are addicted to their devices. 

But what are the consequences to this addiction?

While social media itself is not inherently dangerous, the content that teens are exposed to on social media can be harmful.

It may be all fun and games at first, sharing funny videos or posting pictures from vacation. But social media exists in an arena where comparison, bullying and inappropriate content can occur. While teens may not be using social media for these reasons, they are still in danger of exposure to potentially hurtful content, especially cyberbullying.

JAMA Pediatrics (The Journal of the American Medical Association) conducted 10 studies that explored the link between social media victimization and depression. Alarmingly, every single study showed a significant correlation.

Twenty-three percent of teens report that they have been targeted by cyberbullying. There’s something about the privacy of a keyboard and a screen that gives teenagers a false bravery and security, convincing them that they can post and share whatever they want, without consequences.

“Cyberbullying can be more extreme than other forms of bullying because it leaves the victim feeling as if they have no escape. Since it occurs on their personal electronic devices, they can be sent and received quickly with a feeling of permanence,” said Lisa Elliott, a licensed psychologist and clinic manager of Cook Children’s Behavioral Health in Denton

The National Institute of Mental Health estimated that 2.2 million adolescents have had at least one major depressive episode in the past year due to social media. Even worse, victims of cyberbullying are more than twice as likely to attempt suicide. It’s heartbreaking to think that because of a cowardly comment typed from behind the security of a screen, a teenager decides that life just isn’t worth it.

Even if teens are not experiencing cyberbullying, some are finding their self-worth on social media. Teens invest emotion into the number of likes and comments on a post. The Common Sense Media poll found that 72 percent of teens feel the need to respond to text messages, social media messages and other notifications.

The more likes, the more validated they feel. The less likes, the more self-conscious and lonely they feel. It’s as if there’s some unspoken ranking based on the number of likes an Instagram post can get. Sorry, teens, but validation is not found in the double-tapping of a screen.

Social media is also the perfect platform for teens to experience what they call “FOMO” (fear of missing out). They compare themselves to their “friends” on social media, and are constantly exposed to things that make them yearn to be included. If your teen is commenting #FOMO on everything on their news feed, then they feel extremely dissatisfied with their life compared to somebody else’s because of the false reality social media has the power to project.

So what is the solution? If you ask a teen to quit social media, you may run the risk of sending them into a state of shock and withdrawal. It is also not fair to say that every teen on social media is depressed. So how do we address the ones that are suffering from the harmful effects of social media?

Elliott said to check what your teens are following. If their news feed is filled with braggadocios posts and bullying, then they need to reassess their “friends.” Social media should be a safe place to socialize.

Therefore, encourage your kids to be a light on social media – talk to them about how real life exists beyond a handheld gadget or a lit up laptop screen. Ultimately, challenge them to use their social media for positive interactions. If they wouldn’t say that comment out loud, in person, don’t say it. If they wouldn’t want their dad to see that photo, don’t post it. If they see something inappropriate on their news feed, report the content and remove the friend (they sound like trouble, anyways).

“Educate your children that everything they put out into the cyber world is there forever and how important it is to have a positive online reputation,” said Dr. Elliott.

Social media is not going to go away. However, there are ways to overpower the harmful effects it can have on our teenagers. Pay attention to their demeanor. If they’re in a bad mood, ask them how many Instagram likes they got that day.

Written by Elizabeth Sparks

At best, the mom is rolling her eyes and pulling her phone out to hand to her screaming child.

“Children under 2 years of age should have no screen time and after 2 years, we should limit screen time to 2 hours per day.”

There is the common summary statement that can be taken out of the AAP Policy Statement on Children, Adolescents and the Media.

Is this realistic?

Is this practical?

Is anyone listening to anything we say?

In May, a meeting of the best minds in the use of media in pediatrics set out to answer these questions as well as look at recent research on the use of screens in children and teenagers.

In order to get information about the meeting out quickly, AAP News released a summary of some of the thoughts that came out of the meeting.

If you read the headlines that were generated as a result of the statement, you might have heard:

“Pediatricians think all screen time is OK. Go for it!”

“Pediatricians finally admit that they were dead wrong and outdated when they said toddlers shouldn’t use screens.”

“Pediatric guidelines now changed to allow for more screen time, at earlier ages.”

Unfortunately, we don’t always get the time to fully explain our message and the media doesn’t always get it right.

Here are my takeaways from the statement that I hope better reflect the intent of the authors:

1. What you might have heard: “Pediatricians think all screen time is OK. Go for it!”

What it should have said: “We need to continue to be careful about the amount of time children are on screens. Guiding them toward quality apps and games that are more than just watching a video is important. Watching and playing alongside your children helps to enrich the experience for the family as a whole.”

2. What you might have heard: “Pediatricians finally admit that they were dead wrong and outdated when they said toddlers shouldn’t use screens.”

What it should have said: “The benefit of screen time for toddlers is an ongoing topic of research but it is clear that children continue to learn best from interacting with and talking to other humans. One of the major risk of screen time is the time take away from rich interaction with parents and other caregivers.”

3. What you might have heard: “Pediatric guidelines now changed to allow for more screen time, at earlier ages.”

What it should have said: “While this statement is not a new guideline, it does highlight the AAP commitment to following new research in regards to screen use and helping to relay that information to parents as soon as possible. As more information comes available, we will update our guidelines to reflect current studies in the context of practical media use for children.

Do continue to follow this debate because the guidelines are likely to change over time. (P.S. That’s what guidelines should do in a new and heavily researched field.)

Don’t go out and buy your 1 year old her own iPad.

I love to watch them play and have fun, but I’m not watching them every single second. I’m usually reading something on my laptop and I glance up here and there to see what they’re up to. More often than not, they’re pausing to get the rules straight before they conquer that which would destroy us all. However, I have found myself jumping from my seat and running to the back patio door to tell them to stop! Why? Because I notice them doing something with their sticks that has a high potential to hurt one or both of them.

In and of itself a stick is not dangerous. A stick is a stick. You can poke in the mud with it, you can use it to imagine slaying dragons, or you could run with it out in front of you (the tip only inches above the ground, bobbing with every stride) and potentially impale yourself with said stick. Or, you could witness your 4-year-old swinging his stick wildly as the 8 year old, backing up to prevent being struck, stumbles over a toy wheelbarrow while the 4-year-old continues his assault. That’s what got my attention.

So, let’s talk about sticks … I mean apps. It’s the same conversation. Sticks come in all shapes and sizes. Some may be too big for my 4-year-old to handle; however, being a bit older, my 8-year-old may not have a problem with a slightly larger stick. Comparing this to apps on the tablets, my 4-year old does not understand some of the games my 8-year-old might play; but, he loves Reading Eggs®! But, since my 8-year-old is reading chapter books, Reading Eggs® (which helped him at one time) is now a “boring baby game.” For one, the stick is too small. For the other, the stick is just right.

As they grow older, they will want to delve into apps that challenge their maturity level and hold their attention. In the tween years, they will become more and more enthralled with social apps. On into the teen years, connecting with friends will more than likely become far more important than playing Cut the Rope® or Where’s My Water?®. It’s during these transitional periods that we’ll want to glance up from the kitchen table to take a quick peek into the virtual backyard. Knowing how to do this is half the battle.

Any app – even ones designed specifically for the facilitation of risky behavior – can be used in a way that is benign. All children are different and most are going to push the boundaries at some point or another. It’s our job as parents to guide them. In order to guide them, we need to be able to “glance up” to see what they are doing. Are they using social media apps? Are they playing games? What apps do they have loaded on the device? Are they chatting with strangers? What information are they giving out? I could keep adding questions. First, let’s talk about the most dangerous app of all.

Depending on their temperament, maturity level, risk taking, decision making skills, and overall attitude, the most dangerous app could be between your child’s ears. On the flip-side, it could also be the best security app available. Apps are not dangerous. Impaling yourself with apps is dangerous. Teaching your child good decision making skills and helping them to keep their compass as north as possible is the number one best way to prevent harm, period. In order to do that, you have to be able to “glance up” to ensure the compass needle is not falling.

There are two ways to secure a mobile device. One way is preventative security. Net Nanny® is a great app for enforcing parental controls for younger children. It prevents the errant Youtube video from introducing your child to inappropriate content as they follow the rabbit hole after searching for Spiderman. As they get older (and a bit wiser), preventative security measures lose their potency and can lead to a false sense of security for the parent. That’s why I recommend monitoring software.

There are several monitoring software packages available and, as with apps in the app stores, they are a moving target. iSpyoo® for iOS and Android (and other mobile phones) has received an “outstanding” editor’s rating on CNET.com. The review (which can be found on the CNET.com site and a search for iSpyoo) is for Android specifically; however, iSpyoo’s website boasts that “iSpyoo works on all mobile phones and networks from around the world.” Whichever monitoring software you choose, ensure it (1) cannot be detected by your child and (2) can send periodic alerts to your email address. A quick scan of the activity could either set your mind at ease or raise red flags. However, in order for this to work, you must maintain ownership of the device.

As a security professional with over 20 years of experience, I am 100 percent against giving smartphones, tablets, and other devices as gifts unless the rules are laid out appropriately. My rule is that, until you are on your own, you are borrowing MY device. I am the administrator and you are my child. That phone is on MY data plan and, while I did name it as your phone on the carrier’s website, I still pay the bills and I can cancel at any time. If you lay these rules out from the beginning, you could potentially run into far fewer problems down the road.

The bottom line is, yes, there are apps on the markets that give us concern. Some apps can be used for setting up a rendezvous with a stranger in a dark alley. If I were to tell you about specific apps today, I would miss the ones that will be coming out next week, month, or year. In all of my research and expertise, I still have not figured out how to definitively foretell the future. I can predict with a high degree of certainty, however, that there will be more apps coming. Keeping track of what your child does on their phones, tablets or computers will always be the best way to protect them. Just remember to bring your own stick to the game.

About the author

Jody S. Hawkins, Information Systems Security Officer, has been in technology for medical facilities since early 2000 and has been practicing for more than 20 years with his start in the United States Air Force. He is a part of Cook Children's Experts on Call Speakers Bureau. Hawkins specializes in privacy and technology safety and is a regular speaker at the National HIT/HIPAA Conference. He has been quoted and published in several national publications, including Health Information Management Magazine.

Hawkins' can speak on a variety of security topics facing our children & parents today, including:

• Social media
• Cyber bullying
• Sexting
• Safety online (Parents & Child)
• General home networking security
• Virtual Child (Parents)
• Internet Safety (Parents & Child)

Were there monsters under the bed? Did he fall of his bike? No, I just asked him to write his name on a paper for his schoolwork.

I actually kind of feel the same way as him most of the time. Why would I want to sit down and write something that will take me 5x as long and be 1/5 as legible? Some educators agree with us. Many schools are adopting policies where handwriting is emphasized only very early on with a quick shift over to proficiency in keyboarding.

However, just because my 4 year old and I want to throw a temper tantrum any time we're asked to write something doesn't mean that forgoing writing is a good strategy.

Dr. Karin James is a scientist with the University of Indiana. She did an experiment where she presents letters to children; some were asked to trace the letters, some asked to write them on a blank page and some were asked to type them. She then shows the children the same letters while they are inside a machine to measure brain activity. Activity levels in brain areas that adults use to read and write were significantly higher in those children who were asked to write a letter vs. tracing or typing.

There have been many other studies that validate this finding and that show other benefits to learning handwriting:

Studies have shown that good writers have higher levels of activation in brain areas associated with cognition and language than poor writers.

Another study showed that note takers tended to do better on testing of the concepts presented if they were taking notes by hand rather than by computer. Computer note takers also tended to copy down the teacher's message word for word rather than shorten or rephrasing in their own terms which could to contribute to their poorer understanding.

So, what does all this mean? I am constantly tempted to go ahead and have my son learn typing. He is very bright and I know he could type much faster than he could write ... maybe this would lead to less frustration (for him and me). But, this might not be the best thing for him in the long run.

Here's some great examples of ways you can get your early elementary school child to keep writing:

1) Thank you notes for gifts, experiences - Nothing makes grandma and grandpa happier than getting a note from their grandchild about their visit.

2) Story prompts - Give them 1 sentence and let them go. Then help them act out the story they have written.

3) Encourage drawing as well - Fine motor skill development through other avenues can also be helpful.

Let's keep our kids writing as long as we can. It is good for their learning and helps protect them from iPhone thumb.

What strategies do you use to keep your kids writing? 

We attempted to go media free and wouldn’t you know? Nailed it!!!

Just kidding. We far from nailed it.

Ok guys, this is HARD.

The Conklins are not taking to going screen free likes ducks to water. Like. At. All.

You know the ancient proverb "fall down seven times, stand up eight?" One of my favs.

Well we have fallen down 7,000 times with this project, but we keep trying to getting up. We are at 7,001 at the moment.

The exciting news is that we have learned a healthy balance exists. We have learned that we do great without it. When we are unplugged, we are awesome! Unfortunately, it's just a bugger of a habit that is soooo easy to slip back into. This has been a frustrating experiment, but that fact that we struggle means we need to be doing this.

Going media free really is just as simple as removing the screens from the family. After simply telling the kids, “no,” you have to listen to them belly ache for a short time before they go off and find something to do.

I am going to be honest, I enjoy my screen time just as much (if not more) than the kids! I like texting people, playing Words with Friends and reading news articles online. I even do a bible study with a cool app on my phone!

Almost everything I do can be done on my phone! So when I want to get on my phone or watch a TV show, I then let the kids jump on their devices. I think my own personal enjoyment of screen time may be what is keeping us from being truly successful at this (oh my gosh, did I just admit that?)

We have worked hard to make sure the family is “off” the screen more than “on” during the day and that seems pretty manageable. The kids are getting it! They know our goal is to spend more time doing other things besides being on the screen. They don’t argue as much when I declare, “We are screen free until X, Y and Z are complete.” We are doing pretty well decreasing our screen time. Having said that, I would really like to fulfill my pledge to this blog and get to a point where we are just “off” all the time. We are working on it.

I am excited because we are going to Michigan this summer. For part of the trip we will be “Up North” where it is pretty hard to get cell phone service and I plan to ditch the hand- held games before we go.

The Conklins will be screen free before the summer is over, even if it means we have to hang out in the woods for a few days to do it.

Previous media free stories:

• 'TV head' - Could you unplug?
• Going media free - part 1
• Breaking it to the crew - part 2
• 'Operation Unplug' - part 3

I had this amazing, Mom of the Year type plan where our family would reduce our use of electronics to 1 hour a day and provide the kids an opportunity to EARN up to another hour of screen time per day by doing various chores around the house. Awesome plan right? Right.

I was trying to figure out how I was going to humorously chronicles all of our FAILS this first week of Operation UnPlug (thank you to my sweet friend DeeDee for the name). But I truly am a glass half full gal, so despite our family not being able to hit a home run with plan A, we had some big family wins. Even though we did not exactly follow the plan, we had a good week.

Some highlights from week 1

No one died. The kids swore they would die without constant electronic entertainment. They totally didn't.

We did use electronics a little less every day. Look, tracking kids' minutes (times three kids) proved to be a major pain from the word go. MAJOR.PAIN. It proved very quickly to be time consuming and complicated. But,having a general sense of how much time we are on and off electronics is admittedly helpful. We ditched the strict minute tracking and did a more informal tracking (That is us in a nutshell - informal). We were successful in making sure we were off more than we were on and that each day we were off even more than the day before.

We invented new family lingo. Our family now has our own terminology. Phrases like “going dark,” “screen free,” “fun break” and “screen amnesty” are all part of our daily conversation now. I am not sure what “Screen Amnesty” means in real life, but for us, it is unlimited screen time that is not earned and has no consequences. Fun Fact - “screen amnesty” was invented by my husband ... FOUR HOURS INTO THE FIRST DAY OF OPERATION UNPLUG! FOUR HOURS! Honestly, I thought about calling Cook Children’s and telling them they had the WRONG family after we started throwing around “screen amnesty” so early into this project.

We were so productive!!! I hate to even admit just how much cleaning we knocked out the first few days of this experiment. It was awesome. I had the kids work on their rooms, the cool thing was they would find toys they had not paid any attention to in quite some time. They would stop and play and I was OK with that. Take your time kids. All the time you need. And now that I am not consumed with crushing my old high school buddies that I haven’t seen in 20 years at Words With Friends, I do find myself spending a little more time on my own personal to-do list. Go figure.

The dog lost weight. Ok, I may be reaching here, but I am trying to focus on everything that went RIGHT this week. By unplugging, we did more cool things as a family like take the dog for long walks and she lost an eighth of a pound. Hey, a loss is a loss

Did we turn into The Waltons week 1? Oh good gravy, not even close. Did we become aware that things in our home need to change and we are in need of daily unplugging? Totally. We will keep working on it and we will keep you posted!

Previous media free stories:

• 'TV head' - Could you unplug?
• Going media free - part 1
• Breaking it to the crew - part 2

Maybe, that’s the case, but how do you keep your child safe? Before you purchase a phone for your child, we asked Jody Hawkins, Information Systems Security Officer for Cook Children’s Health Care System in Fort Worth, Texas, for a few tips on children owning (or not) a cell phone.

Q: Should I give a cell phone to my child as a gift?

A: Jody advises against cell phones as gifts. He believes parents can establish better boundaries if the phone is presented to the child as belonging to the parent. The parent sets the rules, monitors and guides the child on how to safely use it. A good way of monitoring what apps are installed is to not allow the child to have the password. If the child wants a new app, the parent must enter the password.

Q: Is everything my child posts on the Internet permanent?

A: Yes, for the most part. Some apps and sites have security settings that can be set to “private;” however, these take constant monitoring. Regardless of the site or the settings, if someone can share the post, it becomes very permanent. Once a post is shared, you lose control over the content. Potentially everything your child posts online can be seen now and years to come by people like college recruiters and potential employers.

Q: How can I limit who my child texts?

A: Most of the larger carriers allow you to limit data, text, and calling per individual phone on the account. Parents can contact their cell phone service provider or go to their online account to see what controls are offered.

If you have more questions about cell phones and keeping kids safe, please let us know.