For Lisa Elliott, Ph.D., back to school means a full schedule of therapy sessions that all have a common topic – bullying. Dr. Elliott has been a psychologist at Cook Children’s for 28 years and says bullying now starts as early as Kindergarten.

“We see it moving down in years considerably,” Dr. Elliott said. “Parents need to understand, given our culture, that most children will engage in bully behavior because it is being modeled for them through programs on TV, news media and reports, online exposure and adult actors, sports figures and political figures.”

The pandemic has only made the bullying issue even worse.

“COVID, isolation and increased use of social media have definitely impacted bullying – the number of bully incidents have significantly increased, and the severity has also,” Dr. Elliott said.

Since children spend a large amount of their time at school, teachers have the opportunity to demonstrate inclusion and empathy toward others.

“The reality is that teachers are critical role players, and their kindness matters,” Dr. Elliott said.

Types of Bullying

Four types of bullying exist – physical, verbal, social and cyberbullying.

Physical bullying accounts for less than 1/3 of bullying incidents and more boys engage in this type. 

Verbal bullying is the most common form affecting an individual’s self-esteem and feelings for years, leaving scars that last a lifetime. This includes spreading mean rumors, making accusations that are not true, gossip, lies, spreading embarrassing private truths, name-calling, taunting, belittling and cruel criticism.

Girls have the highest engagement in social bullying – a difficult-to-detect form of bullying including ignoring, isolating, excluding or shunning. It is the most potent kind, especially in the middle school and high school years.

As soon as children have cell phones, cyberbullying comes into play.

“Cyberbullying is 24/7 and has a rapid transmission. It reaches the world in an instant,” Dr. Elliott said.

Five years ago, cyberbullying in schools was addressed with the enforcement of David’s Law in Texas which requires schools to notify the parent of an alleged victim of bullying within three business days of a report, rather than waiting for the findings of an investigation. The school also must adopt policies allowing students to anonymously report incidents of bullying and may expel or place a student in a disciplinary alternative education program.

Signs and Symptoms of Being Bullied:

• Does not want to go to school/skips school/gets into trouble at school
• Grades suffer
• Stops talking about peers and school activities
• Loses interest in activities
• Physical manifestations (sleep disturbances, withdrawal and wanting to be alone, complaints of pain or illnesses, appears tearful, displays victim body language such as keeping head down, hunching shoulders and avoiding eye contact)
• Emotional manifestations (appears sad, angry or irritable, withdraws and acts timid, becomes overly moody or anxious, exhibits aggressive behavior)
•  Social/behavioral manifestations (withdraws socially, changes friends, engages in self-mutilation, threatens violence to self and others, talks of running away or suicide, suddenly stops using the computer or other mobile devices)

Signs and Symptoms of Being the Bully:

• Suddenly stops using the computer/device or turns off the screen when someone comes near
• Appears secretive about what they are doing on the computer/device
• Appears nervous when using a computer/device
• Spends an excessive amount of time on the computer/device

“If your child is bullying others, react calmly and don’t blame yourself because there are so many influences in a child’s life. I commend parents who recognize their child could be a bully,” Dr. Elliott said.

Equip Your Child with a Foolproof Tool

When talking to children about peers, the growth mindset of appreciating and valuing differences of opinion should be addressed. Tell your child how to help a classmate who is being bullied such as spending time with them and encouraging them at school and outside of school, helping them get away from the negative situation and telling an adult. 

After researching various strategies to deal with bullies, Dr. Elliott created a response tool that has proven to stop the bully from coming back for more harassment.

“If you show pain, hurt, fear or anger it feeds the bully,” Dr. Elliott said. "Ignoring the bully still gives them the idea they are successful in hurting the victim which fuels the fire and motivates them to keep bullying. The fewer words you say, the better – use words such as ‘OK’ and ‘whatever’ before walking away.”

This strategy acknowledges the bully while at the same time showing him that the tactics are not effective.

“I’ve never had a child or teenager tell me that it doesn’t work,” Dr. Elliott said.

Proactive Tips for Every Parent

Modeling empathy needs to be at the forefront when raising children. Focusing on others’ needs and feelings will contribute to a child’s overall happiness.

• Openly talk about bullying all the time
• Ask questions like “Has bullying ever happened to you? How did it make you feel?”
• Role play and ask “How do you think this would make you feel?”
• Teach empathy and kindness – have child open doors for people, get involved in a service project

“Kids are naturally born with kindness and empathy,” Dr. Elliott said. "What changes over time is what gets modeled for them and what they see.”

Bullying is an age-old issue. Generations old and new are familiar with the power plays of those that intentionally try to hurt another. It happens on the playground, in the classroom, by the locker, at the lunch table, on the bus, through social media networks and everywhere in between, and it can take a toll on a child or teen.

It’s important to understand the true definition of bullying. It is a conscious, intentional, hostile action towards another that is meant to hurt or create fear or terror, according to Lisa Elliott, Ph.D., psychologist and manager of the Behavioral Health Clinic at Cook Children’s in Denton. An act of bullying includes three elements—an imbalance of power, the intent to harm emotionally or physically and pleasure in witnessing the pain.

If you let them, bullies can plant seeds of rejection into your soul, some that can deceive you for a lifetime and create deep-rooted strongholds of confusion, fear, anger, bitterness, insecurity and thoughts of inadequacy, according to Cook Children’s mental health experts.

Research shows that adults who were bullied as a child have an increased risk of depression and anxiety; may suffer long-term negative consequences with jobs, income and relationships; and may experience poorer health. What’s worse, both those who bully and those who are bullied are more likely to exhibit suicide-related behavior.

“Being bullied can be a trauma for some kids because it overwhelms their ability to cope,” said Denise Coover, LCSW, a trauma informed care specialist at Cook Children’s Medical Center.

You Matter

As bullies target the insecurities of others, it can produce shame and guilt in the one being bullied. In the victim’s eyes, their perceived shortcoming or failure is validated by the bully. That’s when a wall goes up in many kids, and they retreat from those who can help them sift through the truth versus the lies.

“What someone says about you does not make it true,” Coover said. “And every negative thought that you have about yourself isn’t always true either. But when a bully hits on a particular insecurity, it’s hard for kids to put that into words so that someone can help them process it.”

On the flip side, those emotions are exactly what fuel bullies and their assaults. The pain bullies inflict on others is a direct result of emotions brewing within themselves, according to Coover. It’s a coping strategy, one that gives them a sense of control of their own perceived failures by elevating themselves over others.

“Kids will use behavior to say there is something wrong here,” Coover said. “And it’s up to a clinician, in-tune parents or a school system to figure out what the problem is because the behavior is telling us there’s something going on.”

It’s not that bullies bully because they are nothing but bullies. They bully because they don’t know who they are. Bullying gives them a sense of identity where they otherwise have no point of reference for purpose, belonging or intrinsic worth of themselves or others. Having a solid grasp on those things is like a coat of armor for kids against both becoming a bully and being negatively impacted by one. Establishing those values starts at home.

“We, as parents, can't be so unaware that we think that our child may not be the bully,” Dr. Elliott said. “It is absolutely critical that we not only talk about this with our children in order to protect them, but we also have to teach them how to be a good citizen.”

Dr. Elliott cautions that parents should not dismiss complaints about their child being a bully or bury their head in shame either. Address the issue. It’s a good opportunity to find out what may be behind the bully behavior, which you can then help your child overcome. Seize the moment to teach them about how to treat others with kindness and compassion. It could be an invaluable growth opportunity for your child and your relationship.

“What kids hear from you is what they will know about themselves,” Coover said about a parent’s role in building strong and resilient children.

Helping kids understand their intrinsic value as a created being can be like a shield from the flaming arrows of a bully. One way parents can plant and water the seeds of purpose and worth is by helping children identify what matters most about them and what is and isn’t true about themselves. They can also help frame their kid’s perspective by encouraging them in the journey of their endeavors, not just reveling in the outcome.

“When a kid brings home straight A’s, it’s a great thing to celebrate,” Coover explained. “But what’s more important for a parent to see and acknowledge is how hard the child worked, their dedication, how much they learned and the steps they took to achieve that. Kids need to hear that from parents, no matter the grade that resulted from their best effort and hard work.”

This helps reinforce competence, confidence and connection — as described in "Building Resilience in Children and Teens" by Kenneth R. Ginsburg, MD, MS Ed, FAAP. Resilience is the ability to bounce back from stress, trauma or hardship. It isn’t something we’re born with, but something learned. Oftentimes, through trial by fire, but also by watching others we love and respect bounce back from a difficult circumstance. Teaching kids to be resilient gives them a hopeful perspective.

The Rise of Cyberbullying

Bullies may use physical force, relentless verbal lashings or social exclusion to intimidate and control. But the rise of the internet and social media has added a new virtual venue where bullies seek to crush the spirit of their target. According to a 2018 Pew Research Study, 59% of teens have experienced some type of cyberbullying.

The pandemic made cyberbullying even easier as kids were forced out of classrooms and onto virtual platforms for learning and socializing. More time online translated to a 70% increase in hateful speech between kids and teens during online chats, according to a study conducted by L1GHT.

“This is a whole new world for parents and kids to navigate,” Dr. Elliott said. “Parents need to have controls. They need to have access to see what their kids are doing. It’s really important for parents to monitor what their kids are viewing, saying and sharing online.”

Cyberbullying can be extreme and pervasive, Dr. Elliott said. The internet is always open for business and provides harassers a direct line into the personal device of a victim. It’s fast, easy, far reaching, can be done anonymously and lives in infamy forever.

Cook Children’s experts shared these tips for protecting your child online:

• Continually educate yourself on the ins and outs of social media outlets. Do you know about TikTok, Instagram, YouTube and Snapchat, just to name a few? If not, you should. This is where your kids are hanging out. Educate yourself on how they work and how your kids are using them.

• Openly discuss bullying and cyberbullying with your kids on a consistent basis. These are conversations that need to be had more than once as your child matures. Ask your child if they have been bullied, how they handled the incident and how it made them feel. Talk to them about what they do when they see others being bullied. Are they being a good bystander? Teach them about empathy, and help them think through how to help others.

• To encourage kids to open up, have them write it, draw it or say it. If talking doesn’t come easy, kids who enjoy writing can journal their thoughts. Those with an artistic flair may prefer to illustrate them. Kids may be more receptive to talking if you strike up a conversation when engaging in an activity together, riding in the car or just having a casual discussion. Learn what communication tool works best for your child and embrace it.

When And How To Intervene

You may sense your child is being bullied if you see a change in their behavior. If they stop doing things they once loved, start spending lots of time alone in their room, are irritable and weepy or their grades plummet, you should take note that something may be wrong.

Sometimes parents need to intervene to stop a bully. Other times they simply need to problem-solve with—not for—their child. Coaching kids on how to respond appropriately on their own helps build confidence and resilience, and helps their brains develop problem-solving skills that benefit them for life.

“If we always do things for our kids, their brains don’t grow,” Coover said. So they become adults who can’t manage any kind of problem in life, because they’ve never had to do it. Someone has always stepped in to take care of it for them so their brain didn’t create those neural pathways to consider solutions.”

To know your role, Dr. Elliott says to start by determining what kind of bullying your child is experiencing. Are they being physically assaulted, verbally harassed or cyberbullied? How often is your child targeted?

If the bully is getting physical or threatening bodily harm, always report it to the proper authorities, be it school administration or law enforcement. In Texas, schools are required to adopt anti-bullying policies and establish procedures for reporting incidents. They must also notify parents and guardians of a reported incident and outline disciplinary actions for those who bully. To better understand the state’s bullying laws, check out tea.texas.gov and stopbullying.gov.

If the harassment is verbal in nature, it may benefit your child to take a different approach, one that equips them to respond to the bully themselves and helps them build life-long conflict management skills.

Don’t Feed The Rat

Knowing how to handle a bully can be the difference between a child suffering silently through relentless attacks versus a single incident that is stymied before it escalates to something more serious. It’s all about the balance of power, Dr. Elliott says, and ignoring a bully isn’t always the answer.

“Bullies thrive on a perception of power and control over another person’s emotions,” Dr. Elliott said. “Even when you ignore a bully, they still assume you are hurting inside. That perceived weakness keeps them coming back time and time again to satisfy their desire for power and control.”

Dr. Elliott has personally developed and tested a bullying response tool that she employs with her patients. Her method teaches kids to respond to bullies in a way that both quiets the harasser and builds resilience in the one being harassed. It essentially conveys a message to the bully that their opinion isn’t valued and, therefore, not offensive. She calls it The Rat Method. Click on the video below to hear Dr. Elliott explain her method in her own words.

There Is Hope

Your child can overcome either being a bully or being the victim of a bully. Together, you can create defenses against bullies, develop empathy for others and foster resilience to stop bullies and their bad intentions in their tracks. Your child’s short and long-term mental and emotional health will be better for it.

In today’s society, social media is a major part of life for all age groups. While some use the platforms to keep up with family and friends, others use the sites for networking and job hunting. For those 18 and younger, social media has changed the way young people communicate with each other, often leading to inappropriate use, and bullying among other things.

As part of Cook Children’s Joy Campaign, which aims to reduce the number of children and teens attempting suicide, we’re looking at the role social media plays in the mental well-being of young people.

Kristen Pyrc, M.D., medical director of Psychiatry Outpatient Services and the Partial Hospitalization Program at Cook Children’s, says the number of her patients dealing with anxiety and depression has significantly increased over the past year. She’s concerned that social media is playing a role, especially during the pandemic when young people are online more than ever.

“I have seen an increase in depression symptoms in teenagers who had not had them before,” Dr.Pyrc said. “So maybe I regularly see them for something like ADHD, and now they are showing symptoms of depression on top of that.”

Dr. Pyrc said she often hears complaints from parents that their children are ‘tied’ to their phones. She believes a major problem with that is a lack of exposure to seeing friends in person, and the opportunity for kids to feel left out when they see peers online having fun without them.

“I think online culture can worsen students’ feelings of loneliness and rejection because they see their friends doing things together without them in real time,” she explained. “Also we tend to post things that highlight what’s going well in our lives, but may not tell the full story of the times that we feel sad or inadequate. When teens are feeling down, seeing everyone else having fun without them can make them feel worse.”

Katie Greer, an internet safety expert, has spent the past 15+ years educating students, parents, law enforcement, and large companies across the country about the importance of online safety.

“I have seen social media used to bring out the best in humanity, but I have also seen it rip families apart in a matter of minutes,” she said.

Greer, who began her work as the director of Internet Safety with the Massachusetts Attorney General’s Office, believes social media has evolved in ways no one was ready for. Not so long ago, bullying was something that happened mostly at school. Now, young people are bullied online, in front of countless people. Even worse, a bully’s comments can be liked and shared by others.

“Kids were already spending a lot of time on their phones and online, then came a global pandemic. Now, they’re attending school online and relying on things like gaming online and social media platforms to connect,” Greer said. “There’s a lot more opportunity for cyberbullying and while it can start with one person, it can be a matter of seconds for others to jump in with a like or a comment and gang up on the victim.”

Situations like this increase a child’s chances of dealing with anxiety, depression, and self-harm.

“We know that developmentally, children’s brains aren’t fully formed,” she said. “When we put something in front of them as complex as social media, it’s almost as if we are asking for trouble.”

Greer also warns parents about the newfound TikTok culture.

“TikTok is a platform that has created unrealistic expectations about everyday life,” she explained.

She said children and teens see their peers or influencers having “perfect” lives and begin to feel as if they’re inadequate, or aren’t enough or worth it.

“Children have a desire to fit in and they want to have as much or more than their friends,” Greer said. “When children see their friends flaunt material things, or lavish experiences, that can make them spiral.”

Another issue putting kids’ mental health in danger is ‘sexting’ or the exchange of nude photos and videos, which has become quite prevalent.

“I recently was made aware of an incident where a girl sent a guy nude photos and he leaked them. Once they were leaked, so many people saw them, the young girl was humiliated,” Greer recalled. “The family reported that this led to the young girl untimely killing herself out of embarrassment and humiliation that her photos were leaked.”

Greer said, in cases like these, it is vital to remember that not only does suicide hurt a family, it also tears apart the people who loved and supported the victim.

Cook Children’s launched the Joy Campaign, which this story is a part of, to bring awareness to the increase in suicides and suicide attempts being seen at the medical center. In 2020, seven Cook Children’s patients died of suicide, making suicide the leading cause of traumatic death for the first time ever. The hospital has also seen record numbers of patients being admitted for suicide attempts month after month, most recently in March when 43 children and teens were treated for injuries. While the increase in suicide attempts cannot directly be tied to the pandemic, Dr. Pyrc said children need certain things to properly function in day-to-day life.

“Kids need in-person interactions. They need sunshine and exercise and all things encompassing,” Dr. Pyrc said. “Whenever your world is mostly virtual, it can hurt both your physical health and mental health.”

What does Greer suggest parents do? Stay alert and ask questions.

“A simple, “How was your day?” or “How are your friends doing?” can go a long way in opening the lines of communication,” she said.

She emphasizes knowing what your child is looking at online and know who they are talking to. If you are concerned about your child’s safety, there are measures you can take.

“While I am typically against this and wouldn’t always recommend it, there are ways parents can use apps that will mirror their children’s phone,” Greer said. “I do believe this could hurt the trust between a parent and a child, and isn’t the best way to go about typical monitoring, and I only recommend phone mirroring for dire situations.”

Before leaving any session, Greer reminds everyone she speaks with about the importance of a trusted adult.

“I tell parents and all adults it is important that children have a trusted adult they know they can come to at all times. Parents have to be okay with the fact that the adult may be someone other than them, it is all about a child feeling safe and opening up,” she said. “I also remind every child that I come in contact with that having an adult you trust is one of the most important things you can do to protect yourself and even help a friend.”

Both Greer and Dr. Pyrc see the issue and know there is a lot of work to be done to ensure we are helping our children with their new reality. Both professionals share their tips to help parents and families better support their children.

1. Take your child’s phone before they go to sleep at night. Disrupted sleep has a negative impact on adolescents.
2. Have an open dialogue with your child without judgment and give them the ability to freely express themselves to you. Given the amount of time kids are online, these conversations should happen every day.
3. Ask about their social media. Talk to your child about what they’re seeing, how it impacts them/makes them feel, and know who they’re communicating with.
4. Ensure your child can identify a trusted adult and make sure they understand that an adult can be their go-to person at all times.
5. Talk to your child about good social media etiquette. Remind them if they see something, say something and describe how that can help save someone’s life.
6. If you believe your child is in danger, there are apps available that can monitor their phone so you can see everything they see and get them the help they need immediately.
7. Reach out for help. Do not wait until your child is in a dire situation to reach out for help and get them the resources that could save their life.

Monitor your child’s social media, and make sure you have their usernames/passwords in case of an emergency situation.

Important to note:

Instagram has an anonymous reporting tool that allows users to report when they believe something could be wrong with a friend. The site sends the person resources depending on what was reported on their behalf. These resources could be vital in saving someone’s life by simply reporting.

After all, this is a modern classic. So much so that October 3 has become #MeanGirlsDay.

From Heathers to Mean Girls, these ‘rites of passage’ movies have given us insight into the lives of teenage girls. While they may be full of snobs, cliques and at times, cruel behavior, they can’t fully prepare any girl for the reality of social bullying.

Parents, you may know social bullying all too well and not even realize it. This occurs when a group decides to leave someone out on purpose or tells other kids not be friends with a certain child or teen.

But unlike your favorite teen movie, there's not always a happy ending for the kids being bullied.

Social bullying, along with verbal bullying, is often referred to as “mean girl” behavior, said Lisa Elliott, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and clinic manager of Cook Children’s Behavioral Health Clinic in Denton.

She says this form of bullying also includes name-calling, backstabbing, gossiping and spreading rumors.

“When ‘mean girls’ take this negative and aggressive behavior into the world of social media, it now includes cyberbullying, making it even more hurtful and instilling feelings of powerlessness,” Elliott said. “This can be quite painful and has the potential to be psychologically harmful.”

Girls may engage in this type of behavior for several reasons, including:

• Peer pressure.
• Trying to improve their status on the social ladder.
• Excluding those who may be perceived as a threat to their social status.

Regardless of the type of bullying, three elements are generally present:

1. An imbalance of power.
2. Aggressive behavior intended to hurt someone emotionally and/or physically.
3. Pleasure in observing the pain (or assuming there is pain) caused to the person being bullied.

Elliott says your daughter’s response to the mean girl is key.

“All bully behavior is intended to empower the bully, so your daughter’s response is critical – she must be able to acknowledge what the “mean girl(s)” are doing, but also communicate that they don’t have emotional power over her,” Elliott said.

She says if the victim communicates any type of negative emotion (verbally and/or nonverbally) – whether that be pain, hurt, rejection, fear, anger, frustration etc. then she has validated the bully. The bully will only be encouraged to continue the “mean girl” behavior, simply because it empowers them.

Instead, girls should try to respond to the bullies by using select words such as ‘so,’ ‘OK,’ ‘who cares,’ ‘whatever’ and ‘big deal.’

“These words communicate ‘I hear you, but you have no impact on me,’” Elliott said. “However, equally important is the tone in which these words are communicated. It is critical these words are conveyed with NO emotion! If ‘mean girls’ pick up on any emotional weakness, they will continue the negative behavior.”

Another strategy to apply is humor, where you laugh at yourself thus deflecting any hurtfulness.

“It’s important your daughter displays confidence and can defend herself in an assertive manner that is respectful, does not lower her to their level and does not encourage them,” Elliott said.

In addition to having a prepared response, Elliott encourages girls to stay strong, appear confident and smile, primarily because “mean girls” are quite adept at discerning which girls they can manipulate and control. The more confident your daughter portrays herself (not appearing dejected, insecure, hurt, nervous, left-out), the less likely the “mean girls” will repeat their aggressive behavior to her.

Equally important is being a positive bystander. If your daughter sees “mean girl” behavior happening to others, ask her not to stand by and watch. When “mean girls” do not have an audience, they lose power.

To foster your daughter’s self-confidence, help her find areas she can feel success in, such as school, sports, church, community service clubs, or talents like singing or playing an instrument.

You should also monitor her computer and cell phone, and encourage her to spend less time on social media. If bullying expands onto social media, then you need to talk to her teacher, coach or another school official.

While we’ve addressed “mean girls” in this article, no child is bully-proof.

Elliott points to the death of David Molak, a 16-year old San Antonio boy, as an example of the harm that comes from the constant harassment a child receives in the world of cyber bullying. She offers parents the following talking points when speaking to their child about bullying:

• Even people who say they're your friends can bully you.
• You should confront your friends when they're being hurtful to you or others.
• Retaliating may feel good temporarily, but refusing to stoop to the bully's level will win you more popularity in the long run.
• When you hear a false rumor, just ignore it and be yourself.
• You're most likeable when you respect yourself and others.
• Bullies usually have their own insecurities. Returning meanness with kindness is the best way to break down their defense.

In the end, kids should know they may be the best resources to end bullying where they live.

Stories related to this topic:

• Bullying is a ‘serious public health problem’
• Are popular kids bullied?
• Is your teen's smart phone making them depressed?
• The warning signs of teen suicide
• Cutting: Why kids do it

A report released this week by the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering and Medicine calls bullying a “serious public health problem” and says the zero-tolerance policies schools use to automatically suspend students for bullying are ineffective.

Lisa Elliott, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and clinic manager of Cook Children’s Behavioral Health Clinic in Denton, agrees.

“There are so many reasons why zero-tolerance policies don’t work. It’s primarily lip service to look good, but without back bone or laws to support the effort,” Elliott said. “The policy is clearly not working. We aren’t looking at the issues and not addressing the problems. We aren’t teaching children effective tools to handle bullying or conflict.”

Elliott is simply fed up. She’s seen too many kids come into her office depressed, frightened or even suicidal because they can’t get away from their bully or bullies.

“I think that bullying is worse than ever before because of cyberbullying,” Elliott said. “Kids can’t get a break.”

May parents in Cook Children’s six-county service region agree. According to the 2015 Community-wide Children’s Health Assessment & Planning Survey (CCHAPS), 16 percent of parents said their child has been bullied, compared to 10 percent in 2012.

Elliott says there are four types of bullying: physical, verbal relationship (or social) and cyberbullying. Each form of bullying is harmful alone, however combined they are even more harmful and powerful.

Elliott points to the death of David Molak, a 16-year old San Antonio boy, as an example of the harm that his family believes comes from the constant harassment a child receives in the world of cyber bullying.

“In today’s age, bullies don’t push you into lockers, they don’t tell their victims to meet them behind the school’s dumpster after class, they cower behind user names and fake profiles from miles away constantly berating and abusing good, innocent people,” Cliff Molak, the boy’s brother, said in a Facebook post that went viral.

Since the death of David, the Molak family has been working to get “David’s Law” passed in Texas, which would address the issue of cyberbullying in Texas and hold those charged with harassment on social media to pay at least a $500 fee or spend up to a year in prison. State legislation will vote on the law in 2017.

“We need consequences for the people responsible for this kind of bullying and harassment,” Elliott said. “Right now cyberbullying isn’t defined in the Texas harassment statute. A law like David’s law is about someone getting picked on around the clock. This is about constant bullying, where the kids feel like there’s no escape.”

No child is bully-proof. Elliott offers parents the following talking points when speaking to their child about bullying:

• Even people who say they're your friends can bully you.
• You should confront your friends when they're being hurtful to you or others.
• Retaliating may feel good temporarily, but refusing to stoop to the bully's level will win you more popularity in the long run.
• When you hear a false rumor, just ignore it and be yourself.
• You're most likeable when you respect yourself and others.
• Bullies usually have their own insecurities. Returning meanness with kindness is the best way to break down their defense.

And in the end to let kids know that they may be the best resources to end bullying where they live.

Researchers from Princeton, Rutgers University and Yale University found that kids could greatly reduce the amount of bullying and student conflict just by spreading the message against bullying. The engaged group of influential students in 56 New Jersey middle schools spread the message about the dangers of bullying using messaging platforms such as Instagram, print posters and colorful wristbands. They discussed how to handle conflict in their own way with the peers. The team saw a 30 percent drop in student conflict reports.

“Kids have to be involved and they have to stand up to the bullies,” Elliott said. “The kids are the teachers in the moment. We need to empower our children to be the game changers.”

The documentary describes how Laettner bullied not only the opposition, but his own teammates. And where does the documentary say he learned such behavior? His older brother.

A University of Nebraska-Lincoln study gives a detailed look at bullying from siblings the Journal of Family Violence. The researchers talked to 400 undergraduates and found that students said they were bullied more by their siblings than by other children.

Last year, another study conducted by the University of New Hampshire discovered that 32 percent of children who said they were victimized by a brother or sister reported higher rates of mental-health issues.

Lisa Elliott, Ph.D., clinic manager of Cook Children's Behavioral Health in Denton, Texas, said she has seen several kids lately in her office dealing with problems related to siblings. Elliott, a licensed psychologist, said this goes beyond sibling rivalry or teasing. She is seeing abuse and parents need to be aware of the role they play in this issue. Especially if they are favoring one child over the other. Often times that "favored" child becomes the bully.

“Parents have to be careful that they don’t show favoritism, either directly or indirectly, intentionally or unintentionally,” Elliott said. “The perception of favoritism among siblings is one of the most harmful things parents can do to their children. It’s harmful to the child’s self-esteem, it increases bullying amongst siblings and it often creates very entitled children in the one who is favored.”

A study published in the journal, Pediatrics, showed that kids who had been bullied by their brothers or sisters for a prolonged period of time were twice as likely to report being clinically depressed when they grew up.

"I certainly think in most families there is likely to be some level of conflict or disagreements among siblings at different times," said Joy Crabtree, a licensed psychologist at Cook Children's Southlake Urgent Care and Pediatric Specialties.  "However, I think parents need to be aware of when it may be crossing a line, such as physical altercations, repeated name calling or degrading of a sibling etc. Sometimes it can happen out of ear shot of the parents so it’s important to talk about everyone maintaining respectful communication in the family. If a child feels uncomfortable or targeted, he or she needs to let mom or dad know because it may not be happening in front of the parent. If targeting is occurring, limits and boundaries need to be set so a negative pattern does not continue."

Research conducted by the Universities of Oxford, Warwick, Bristol and University of College London said that bullying among siblings is particularly upsetting because these children have no way out. Bullying includes persistent verbal or physical abuses, as well as just ignoring the other siblings for long periods of time.

“I see children in clinic who are upset about favoritism or jealous of a child or he or she feels an older sibling is being parental or bossy. Sometimes I see feelings of inferiority. But what I hear when it comes to bullying is something very different,” Elliott said. “This is abuse, either physically or verbal. These are siblings and they know each other better than anyone else. That familiarity allows them to say very hurtful comments that the sibling knows is a sensitive or private matter. Sometimes, I see ganging up on a sibling, where multiple brothers or sisters gang up on a child. In those cases, you see extreme physical aggression between siblings that can be every day and makes life miserable for a child.”

Elliott gives the following tips for parents to watch out for sibling bullying:

• All physical bullying needs to be addressed immediately and not tolerated.
• It is critical to understand the causes for the bullying to address whatever those reasons are –

1. If a child is feeling inferior help, build that child’s self-esteem.
2. If you are inadvertently showing what is perceived to be favoritism by one child, modify your behavior and be sure to praise each child equally with positive behavioral anchors.

• Don’t label your children as the “bright one”, the “musical one” etc.
• Finally, it is critical to teach your children how to problem-solve conflict effectively and how to have empathy for others.

Surprised? Lisa Elliott, Ph.D., clinic manager of Cook Children's Behavioral Health in Denton, Texas, isn't. Elliott, a licensed psychologist, says parents and teachers often have an outdated view of what a victim looks like.

"The general public has always perceived that children who are vulnerable to bullying have some sort of social deficit, physical handicap or learning disability," Elliott said. "While this is true, socially adept kids are equally vulnerable to bullying, especially when they attempt to climb the social ladder."

Last year, the American Sociological Review published the "Casualties of Social Combat" study, which examined more than 4,200 middle- and high-school students and found that the more popular students became, the more vulnerable they were to bullying.

Snakes and (Social) Ladders

For several years, Elliott has given presentations on bullying to the local community. She says parents are surprised when they hear a popular student can be both a bully and a victim at the same time. According to Elliott, the danger comes when a child tries to gain more status in a social clique that is emotionally aggressive or manipulative. Signs of this nonphysical bullying can be subtle and easily mislabeled as "drama."

Jockeying for position

According to the study, bullying is more likely to occur within a social group, between two "friends" who are on the same level in social heirarchy. On the outside, this may simply look like typical relationship drama. What's actually happening may be subtle but serious bullying.

How to Stop the Cycle 

No child is bully-proof. According to Elliott, the key is to to make sure your child can spot an unhealthy friendship before it goes too far.

"We should communicate to our children what true friendship is, and what it isn't," Elliott said. "This will help them discern which peers they can trust and which ones are trying to manipulate them."

Elliott offers parents the following talking points when speaking to their child about bullying:

• Even people who say they're your friends, can bully you.
• You should confront your friends when they're being hurtful to you or others.
• Retaliating may feel good temporarily, but refusing to stoop to the bully's level will win you more popularity in the long run.
• When you hear a false rumor, just ignore it and be yourself.
• You're most likeable when you respect yourself and others.
• Bullies usually have their own insecurities. Returning meanness with kindess is the best way to break down their defense.

Warning signs

If you worry your child is being bullied, look for the following signs:

• Sudden change in friendships.
• Unexpected drop in grades.
• Irritability or moodiness.
• Reluctance to go to school.
• Avoidance of social situations.
• Faked illnesses or complaints of feeling sick.