When we hear the word ‘addiction,’ we often think of drugs and alcohol, but in the 21^st century, addiction has taken on a new meaning. Lisa Elliott, Ph.D., psychologist and clinic manager of the Behavioral Health Clinic at Cook Children’s in Denton, says children are becoming addicted to their phones and gaming systems, driving parents to seek help through licensed therapists.

“We have the research that shows there is a chemical addiction as well as a behavioral addiction,” Dr. Elliott said.

“I think the thing that makes it even more dangerous for me is this is happening with young children, very young children, as much as it is with teens and young adults.”

In 2019, the World Health Organization (WHO), voted to include ‘gaming disorder’ as an official condition in the International Classification of Diseases, akin to anxiety, depression, etc. This paved the way for psychologists such as Dr. Elliott to bill insurance providers, making access to care more affordable for many families with health insurance. However, aside from video gaming, adolescents and teens are also glued to their electronic devices. She says remote learning due to the global pandemic has also played a major role in this addiction.

Cheryl, a North Texas mother, says her 12-year-old daughter is obsessed with YouTube. The family is now seeking guidance from a Cook Children’s family therapist.

Cheryl and her husband didn’t allow their daughter to have a cellphone until they believed she needed it for safety purposes. She wasn’t allowed to have any social media accounts, but her parents did allow her to watch TikTok videos.

“She has a cellphone and iPad, but we made sure everything had parental controls and restrictions,” Cheryl said.

When they later deleted the TikTok account out of concern for privacy issues, they allowed her to watch YouTube videos.

“She watches kids playing innocent pranks on each other, and she gets invested in that. She consistently talks about who is dating who and is always looking forward to the next update like she knows the people in the videos,” Cheryl explained.

Cheryl added that her daughter knew exactly when the episodes were coming out and had a fear of missing out on what was next in the lives of her favorite YouTubers.

When the Cheryl and her husband realized their daughter was going behind their back to find ways to watch YouTube, after she’d been instructed otherwise, they decided to reach out for help.

“For me, it was really about correcting that behavior because right now she has this temptation in front of her and she's making bad choices,” Cheryl explained.

Why are young people becoming obsessed with a reality outside of their own? Dr. Elliott believes the global pandemic has a lot to do with this rising trend.

“I think it's pervasive, so it's not just from an academic setting, but it's also how kids are filling their downtime. It's how they're maintaining social relationships, whether they're healthy or not,” Dr. Elliott said.

Cheryl and her husband couldn’t agree more. They don’t have any issues with their daughter’s choice of content. The issue is her actions and what these minor actions could lead to in the future when bigger temptation is put in front of her.

Cheryl’s daughter sees Stephanie Golden, LPC, a therapist at Cook Children’s Alliance. Golden has been working as a mental health professional for 20+ years but says phone and social media addiction is something she has seen more in the last three to four years in her practice. While phone addiction isn’t healthy, Golden believes it is treatable.

“It’s certainly a widespread problem, but I believe one that can be improved upon with boundaries,” Golden said.

Boundaries are exactly what Cheryl believes would be beneficial for her daughter when it comes to her desire to watch YouTube videos.

In a 2019 study released by the Child Mind Institute, 1% to 10% of children and adolescents have excessive and impairing online behavior. This behavior impacts a child’s ability to focus, the hours of sleep they get at night, and their social behavior with others when they aren’t behind a screen.

Cheryl says having a daughter that’s addicted to YouTube and going behind her parent’s back to find ways to watch it is hard because there aren’t resources for this problem specifically.

“It was really hard to figure out what to do and how to handle this,” Cheryl said. “We tried every single thing we could, from taking away her devices and even sitting down with her and asking her what she needed and how we could help.”

Cheryl and her husband struggled even more because they felt their daughter’s actions were ‘minor’ and ‘innocent’ because she wasn’t struggling with substance addiction. However, Dr. Elliot says addiction is handled the same whether it’s social media or something severe like drug use and gambling. She also notes until more research is done, therapists have to continue to rely on coping mechanisms and techniques they’ve used for adults who’ve struggled with addiction for many years. However, she says that it is scary because she doesn’t want to see adolescents fall into deeper temptation in the future.

“My concern is, if children are creating this addictive response, which we know happens, what kind of addictions does this lead into later?” Dr. Elliott asked. “So I'm concerned about the potential risk they might have for other addictions down the road.”

Cheryl and her husband also struggled with the guilt of putting their daughter in therapy because they didn’t want to take a seat of a child who might’ve needed the resources more.

“She isn’t suicidal and she isn’t depressed,” Cheryl said. “But I had to remind myself that we are putting her into counseling so she can learn skills and those skills can be applied to other areas of her life as well.”

Golden agrees with that sentiment and says in situations like this, she also gives guidance to families/parents.

“Set boundaries around cell phone usage and be consistent with the rules,” Golden said. “Following suggestions from experts can help protect a child’s mental health.”

Dr. Elliott adds another reason boundaries are important is that peer pressure and the need to fit in as at an all-time high. The Child Mind Institute reports 81% of teens say social media makes them feel more connected to their friends.

Cheryl agrees her daughter fits into that category.

“When we ask her why she wants it so bad or feels the need to sneak around to get what she wants, she tells us all of her friends in class are on YouTube all the time on their devices,” she said.

Dr. Elliott urges all parents to keep a very close eye on children’s social media and device use. She says not only can addiction to devices impact schoolwork, it can affect social relationships with others. When a child’s brain is still developing, she says children need healthy and appropriate social interactions to learn empathy, how to relate and communicate, as opposed to learning unhealthy social skills through a device/gaming system.

Cheryl understands the importance of limited screen time and says adolescents don’t fully understand phone etiquette, and how to properly interact with their peers and it is important to set an example and put boundaries into place at an early age.

As Chery’s daughter continues to see Golden, and the family works through this issue, Golden says it’s important to “face the issue with compassion, understanding and firm kindness.” She goes on to add “We don’t always like to have rules, but it’s often healthy and good for us when we follow them.”

Find more technology guidelines from Dr. Elliott shares with her patients from the American Association of Pediatrics below.

• Birth to Pre-School Years
  • There should be no technology from birth to 3 years.
  • Any screen time at this age impairs social communication, development, and attachment to family members.
  • This age should be devoted to social development, sensory-motor skills, and reading skills.
  • Limited exposure may be introduced at 4 years with only high-quality programming.
  • American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) cautions that all technology programs should be watched with their children.
  • Parents have to lead by example: Do not check messages at the dinner table, do not become absorbed by devices, look at people when they are talking – children notice and mimic everything!
  • Never undervalue unstructured “free play.”
  • Parents should not give their children a tech device as a reward for good behavior. Children must learn to self-soothe.
  • Appropriate activities for 4 year olds
    • Periodically use eReader for storytime.
    • Allow limited access to electronic toys that educate and teach numbers, letters, and vowel sounds.
    • Utilize mobile apps/tech devices for sorting shapes and finding objects.
  • It is critical children engage in physical play, have social engagements and read books!

• Grade School Age Years
  • Create a balance between technology, along with social and physical play.
  • AAP recommends no more than two hours of screen time per day with close parental supervision! And that should be less during the younger grade school ages.
  • It is critical to watch alongside your kids to point out messages that are not congruent to your values.
  • Parents need to designate media-free spaces, including bedrooms, meal times, and playtimes.
  • Screen time should be quality; age-appropriate, share your values, and engage your child’s imagination.
  • Never make screens a reward or consequence.
  • Encourage other activities such as free play outside, playing sports, creating hobbies, arts and crafts, and social activities.
  • Appropriate activities for grade school
    • The goal is to teach responsible use.
    • Use internet under supervision only.
    • Create tech-free talk each day.
    • Institute strict time limit restrictions and rules for use.
    • Monitor computer homework; eliminate all technology when screen time rules are broken.
    • Children need to stay involved with school activities and friends.
    • Model appropriate technology behavior

• Preteen and Teen Years
  • It is critical parents model appropriate technology behavior – they have to practice what they preach.
  • Parents need to establish the rule that their children will agree to “friending” them on social media platforms.
  • Parents should have access to passwords.
  • Maintain open dialogue about what is and is not appropriate sharing on social media platforms.
  • Parents and their tween/teens should develop a social media contract that includes expectations, violations as well as discipline for violations. Try out this great free tool from @AmerAcadPeds: http://www.healthychildren.org/MediaUsePlan
  • Bedrooms should be tech-free, all devices should be removed from bedrooms at night.
  • Snapchat is the most difficult platform to monitor – may be wise not to allow this platform.
  • It is imperative to teach your children about the potential consequences of their postings on social media platforms.

Commonly recommended ways to prevent constipation are to drink water, exercise, and eat fruits, vegetables and fiber-rich foods. Yet even when we use these techniques, our children still sometimes get constipated. Whether its contributing to stomach ache, delayed toilet training, bedwetting, or missed school, constipation is no laughing matter.

“But my child poops every day! My child can’t be constipated!”

Even if your child stools every day, he or she may be constipated. Think about your office desk; you may clear papers off regularly, but if you are not clearing as many papers as are building up, you will soon have a messy desk. Children may poop every day and still not be fully emptying their intestines. When constipation develops, the extra stool causes the intestines to stretch. Once this happens, the intestines may not be able to move as well, which leads to more constipation, and it becomes a vicious cycle. In infants constipation can be particularly hard to recognize because in this age group it is can be normal to have less than one stool per day.  Parents should look for a change in the frequency of stools along with firm stools when considering constipation. 

“What now?”

The good news is that constipation can often be treated with dietary changes. The key to making the treatment stick is continuing it long enough. If you stop too soon, the intestines have not had time to heal, and the constipation returns. As a physician who often sees this condition, I recommend treating constipation for as long as it has been a problem. For example, if constipation has been an ongoing problem for one month, treatment typically lasts at least one month. Treatment also depends on your child’s age.

• For infants over the age of two months, ask your pediatrician about giving small amounts of prune juice or pear juice.
• For a toddler, in addition to pear, apple, or prune juice, consider adding high fiber foods such as pears, peaches, and whole-grain cereals to his or her diet.
• School age children or teenagers can learn about which foods will help improve their symptoms and can then get involved in choosing foods that are fiber-rich and appealing to them.
• In cases that do not respond to dietary changes or are more severe, your pediatrician may recommend a medication to help treat the problem.

Contact your child’s doctor if you have any questions or concerns about your child and constipation.

The first line of treatment for children with ADHD are behavioral options. I never ask (or let) a family jump first to medication if they haven't first tried some of the techniques I’m going to describe below.

What are the goals of treatment?

1. Improved interaction with parents, teacher, classmates and siblings

2. Improved grades

In my opinion, the goals are simple and should be taken in that order. It is important to consider these goals and re-evaluate them frequently during the treatment course. Perfection should not be the goal.

I recommend these behavioral techniques before medication for all children, especially those who are young or who have milder ADHD:

1. Make a schedule daily. All kids have difficulty and waste time with transitions. Children with ADHD do this to the 1000th degree. If these transitions are scheduled and the child knows what comes next it might speed up the transition. Things that should be included on the schedule are homework time, daily chores and self-care items (shower, brushing teeth, etc).

2. Make separate areas in the house for necessary tasks. Keep toys and video games out of the space where homework needs to be completed. This helps limit the child’s distractions so that they can finish the task at hand.

3. Set small goals that are attainable. Don’t ask the child who is failing to make the A honor roll in the next six weeks. Start with turning all assignments in and that they are complete, then slight increases in grades, etc.

4. Use charts and checklists. Children with ADHD are often very visual and concrete. If you can put a list in front of them that can be checked off, they are much more likely to complete what needs to be done. I find this to be helpful for me as well ...

5. Keep choices to a minimum. Don’t tell them to go to the closet in the morning and pick out something to wear. This is a sure way to start a huge fight as they stand in front of the closet for hours while you are trying to wrestle them out the door. Pick out two options ahead of time for them to choose from.

6. Don’t discipline them impulsively. Remember that one of their biggest problems is that they don’t stop to think about consequences before they act. If your discipline follows the same pattern, how can we expect them to learn to act differently? Plan out your discipline plan in advance and be consistent. As tempting as it may be, corporal punishment is rarely effective. I’m not going to get into a spank your child or not debate here, but timeouts and restriction of privileges seem to be more effective for children with ADHD.

7. Help your child with organizational skills. Developing a system that helps them keep track of all the papers is a way to keep them from getting thrown away, having them sit in the floorboard of the car or (more infamously) avoiding having the dog eat them. If you need some help establishing this system, check out this amazing book called That Crumpled Paper Was Due Last Week.

8. Get help. Raising a child with ADHD can be very frustrating and quite exhausting. There will be lots of times when you will feel like there is nothing left to do to help. If your child continues to struggle, talk with your pediatrician about options for treatment, including medication options. Find a family counselor that can work with your child but, maybe even more importantly, that can help you develop a plan for your child and help you cope with the struggles you will face.

I hope that you find these tips helpful as you begin to think about how you can help your child with ADHD.

As you walk through the process keep in mind that your goal should be function, not perfection.

About the author

Justin Smith, M.D., is a Cook Children's pediatrician in Lewisville . He attended University of Texas, Southwestern Medical School and did his pediatric training at Baylor College of Medicine. He joins Cook Children's after practicing in his hometown of Abilene for four years. He has a particular interest in development, behavior and care for children struggling with obesity. In his spare time, he enjoys playing with his 3 young children, exercising, reading and writing about parenting and pediatric health issues.

“Prom, graduation and end-of-the-school-year parties are exciting times for teens,” said Lisa Elliott, Ph.D., licensed psychologist and clinic manager with Cook Children’s Denton Behavioral Health. “Parents have a right to know their teen’s plans and to find out whether alcohol or drugs will play a part.”

Having discussions with your teen about drinking and sex can be difficult, so don’t wait until he or she is slipping into formal wear. Let your son or daughter know that safety and trust are very important to you and you want him or her to make smart decisions.

“As teens firm up their prom plans, parents should get a detailed itinerary of exactly where they’ll be throughout the night and get any emergency numbers they might need,” Elliott said. “This includes the numbers for adults in charge of after parties or post-prom activities. Parents and teens need to be informed, and the more informed you are, the better! Teens can create safe, happy, lasting memories just by opening up the dialogue and making smart plans."

Elliott suggests the following checklist to make sure your teen’s prom is memorable for all the right reasons:

1. Get those digits. This includes the numbers of a friend’s house or the after party at a local venue. Make sure you have any contact numbers and addresses you might need. Make sure the cell is charged up for the night.
2. Know the code. Let your teen know to call you at any time, especially if he or she is in an uncomfortable situation. Decide on a code word or phrase ahead of time so your teen won’t be embarrassed if he or she needs to call.
3. Offer street-smart tips. This could be the first “adult-like” event your teen attends without your presence. Talk about things that can happen – from getting a wallet or cell phone stolen to having a drug slipped in his or her drink – and discuss what to do if the teen makes a bad choice to drink or experiences a problem.
4. Play the name game. Know who your teen will be with. If your teen has a date, call his or her parents and talk about your children’s plans for the night so you will all be on the same page.
5. Take driving out of the equation. Many teens may want to drive themselves to the prom, but hiring a limo can be a great way to keep your teen from getting behind the wheel and make the prom more memorable. If your teen is going in a group, ask the other parents if they would be interested in splitting the cost. If your teen does drive, remind him or her to wear a seatbelt and to not get in a car with anyone who has been drinking.

Cook Children’s has given me a new official title, Medical Advisor for Digital Health ... it’s a little formal for me but, you know?

I considered suggesting Physician Director for Social Media and Related Technologies (or MD for SMARTs) but the acronym was too obnoxious and we also have a whole department for that (shout out to Neurosciences. Those guys are brilliant).

I also thought about fighting hard for Physician Advisor for Facebook And Related Technologies (#acronym) but I thought that was probably too childish and, anyway, we have a whole department for that (shout out to GI).

I think that Cook Children’s decided to give me this role for one of a few reasons:

1. I was the only one who wanted it…they looked around at me like the last kid in a pick-up game (oh, Ok. Yeah, I guess we’ll take him),
2. They were sure that their readers and patients were suffering from a deficiency in mediocre jokes … A panel was convened with all the prominent specialists. Dr. Cantu (GI) and Dr. Perry (Neuro) look at each other in surprise: "We know a guy who writes tons of mediocre jokes!"  Problem solved.

I’m hopeful that going forward, no matter what their motivation, I will be able to provide you with some helpful information while frequently reminding you that we’re all in this together. I have been a general pediatrician for 5 years and have cared for thousands of families with every medical, parenting and social issue you could imagine. My families tell me I help them to be better parents. I aim to live up to their expectations, as well as you there reading what I write on a regular basis. As an avid reader, there’s rarely an article on pediatrics that I have not read. I am actively connected on social media so I see what topics are trending in the medical and parenting worlds. I have 3 kids all age 5 and under so I’m learning more and more (and more and more) about parenting every single day.

Stay tuned for upcoming posts. I will spend much of my time writing but we’re also looking to incorporate more video and other medium as well.  

What would you like to see us do?  We’d love to hear your ideas!  I don't mind sharing thoughts inside your pediatrician’s head (if anyone ever wanted to go in there).