Fort Worth, Texas,
01
July
2015
|
17:30 PM
America/Chicago

Drowning tragedy - 'I can't believe this happened to me'

Two short minutes changed everything. Mom tells her story

As parents we have all watched the news to see a sad story where a child was injured or died.  And we’ve also been that parent who thought in the back of their mind, “That is so sad. I am so grateful it’s not me.” Or even “I can’t imagine. At least nothing like that will ever happen to us.” 

Well, I was that parent too. And then one day everything changed in the blink of an eye. 

It takes a while to come to terms with the fact when “that would be so terrible” turns into “I can’t believe this happened to me.” Shock and disbelief take a long time to get over. 

On August 6th, 2012, we lost our 4-year old son Xander to drowning. The day our lives changed tragically forever, we were now that family. On a summer day playing with my three children and our friends in the pool, two short minutes changed everything.

The kids and I had met my friend and her three children for an afternoon at the community pool in her neighborhood. We all swam numerous times a week and were in the water all the time.

Immediately I was confused by the layout of this pool and the sight obstructions from many angles. I said to my friend, we would just have to watch them closely in this odd pool configuration. We began our day of swimming after a quick lunch. My two older girls could swim proficiently and we were still working on Xander jumping in and getting his face wet. He didn’t love water on his face but we were making strides. 

All day my son was attached at the hip to my girlfriend’s daughter, who was 3, they were inseparable; he was very smitten that day. Always a very loving boy, compassionate and wanted to take care of everyone.

After following Xander with his friend on his hip around the bend of the shallow lazy river, my middle daughter asked me to help her get watermelon out of the cooler, so I asked my girlfriend to watch the little ones. Her son called her a couple feet away and when she turned back around, the little ones had stepped too far where the slope starts to get deeper. 

I’m sure Xander panicked when the water touched his face and couldn’t turn around. When my friend turned around his face was under and he was holding his little friend up above the water, which pushed him down. It all happened in less than 2 minutes. 

They were pulled out immediately but he had slipped unconscious. We were amazed that there was a nurse at the pool that day with her children who began CPR right away. Unfortunately, it took too long to get a heartbeat, his tummy was full of lunch. Paramedics finally got a heartbeat after what proved to be too long. We were immediately flown by CareFlight to Cook Children’s in Ftort Worth, Texas where we could not have asked for better care. They did everything they possibly could and took amazing care of our son in his last days. 

In the grief and suffering and disbelief of losing our third-born child, baby and only boy, our hearts and minds have been so expanded by the knowledge and love of the amazing nurses and doctors at Cooks Children’s. The support system they have is amazing.  When they told us he would never wake we immediately agreed for our son to be an organ and tissue donor, we are proud that he went on to save so many lives. And we are grateful for the love and support we received from Cook Children’s and LifeGift donation care at an unimaginable time of our lives. 

Do not buy the misconception from the movies of drowning. There is no splashing or screaming. It is silent and it happens FAST. My mission as his mother now is to carry on what I’ve learned in his name and work for safety and knowledge for parents and children.

It can be a pool, bathtub, toilet, sink or even a pail of water. I am now a fierce advocate with Cook Children’s and the Fort Worth Drowning Prevention Coalition to spread the word of the importance of water safety. I will honor my son until the day I die and I hope I’m teaching my girls to do the same. Even two seconds is too long to turn your back on a child in the water.

Unfortunately, I learned the hard way but I hope our story helps even one family be more aware. I would give anything in this world to kiss and hug my baby boy again. I pray no one ever has to feel what we have.  Please be aware and cherish every single moment you have with your children.

Comments 1 - 20 (26)
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Lisa Tidwell
21
October
2020
We have just experienced this. My 18 mo old granddaughter is on a ventilator after managing to get in the family pool. We are in shock. I am begging for God to take me instead. All we can do is pray.
Jennifer
14
October
2020
Thank you for helping by telling us how silent quick a drowning is even with adults sitting poolside.Nothing bad should ever happen to a child. If I could make this wish come true, in agreement we all would be. My condolences for your losses.
Lauren
27
February
2020
I'm very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine losing a child. My brother was 17 when he drowned on 08/06/2012 in a 15ft pool. I'm an adult now with two children. I try to swim once a week in his honor but still grieving and wishing these circumstances were different. You are not alone, thanks for writing this.
Olufunmi Okorocha
16
September
2019
I got a horrifying video of a 4 year old boy tipping over in his pool float and drowning. The gory moment was caught on camera(CCTV).While searching I came across your story. I am a mother of 3boys and I have a recreation center for kids. I have never lost any child and I don't pray to but this video ticks my alertness... I am really sorry about Xander and I know how painful it will be but I pray that God will continue to comfort you and heal every pain his death caused you. Jesus makes everything better. It's 7years but Xander won't be forgotten. Please be strong in the Lord... and be comforted. Your story just gave me a strength to pay more attention to the children in my care... Thank you. Love from Nigeria.
Dumisani Mthethwa
24
August
2019
I also lost my 4 year old on the 17th Aug from our home, we dont know what happened. But he was found floating in the pool, hardly 5min out of sight from his mother
Ashley
28
June
2019
Last Saturday I found my 2 year old niece in the pool. I immediately began CPR until medics arrived but she did not make. I don’t know how I will ever get over this. There were 10 people in the house. 6 adults and 4 kids. No drinking or socializing, we were simply getting ready to go to the beach. She got into the backyard unnoticed. I have no idea how long she was in the water. She was the baby of our family. It hurts to breathe right now.
Danielle
13
May
2019
I’m soo sorry for you my husband and I have been in pain since the day we lost our 3 month old daughter for heart surgery.
IEshia Jordan
16
October
2018
The heartache you explain sound so Familiar i loss my baby boy we was on vacation in Florida and we was all hanging out by the pool and me and my husband and some more family members was in pool playing volleyball but my baby Josiah was on the outside of the pool and I took my eye off him for two minutes and he had fell into the pool we didn't hear anything no splash or nothing when my sister in law pulled him out I panicked but my husband cousin started CPR on him when the ambulance got there to take him to the hospital they took him to Halifax in Daytona Beach FL they did all they could to help my baby we was at that hospital for four days those was the longest four days in my life then they told he was Brain dead we did donate his organs it really hurts to know I won't see his smile and he was a beautiful little boy it doesn't seem like the pain ever go away this happen on July 26,2018 the worst day of my life me and my husband love him so much word couldn't even explain how much we love him I just want to say it on take two minutes to become tragic I learned that the hard way
Dellanira Lopez
15
October
2018
Hi I lost my daughter to drowning 4 months ago. Its so hard to cope with her death, I cant imagine life without my little one!
jane authement
18
September
2018
thank you for your words, my son of 22 months drowned in ditch, it's been many years ,like yesterday and everyday, I find myself just looking for him everywhere,everyday and second of my life.,jane
Mike
07
September
2018
I feel for your lost. Last August I took my grandson to swimming lessons he just turned 4.Parents are not allowed to stay and watch. So I waited outside the pool area were I could see him only part time threw a fence. At just about quitting time my wife seen a lifeguard run toward the restroom and told me something was wrong. There were many parent but we were the only ones that ran in and they were just starting cpr on him. He died two days late. What bothers me the most is no one from the pool or anywhere that was involved called to check to see how hwas or to say they were sorry. Then no one was charged and they act like it never happened. Like that sweet little boy who just wanted to learn how to swim and always had a smile didn’t matter.
Jay roselius
19
June
2018
I can relate....... we just lost our son to drowning.
The thought goes on constantly- never stops. Think I am going nuts.
He was 48yrs old. Trying to save his two lab pups. In a icy
Lake.
Maria Ragan
25
May
2018
I want to share too my the loss of my son Dustin Levi Ragan. My boy was 25 years old, married, wife and has three children 2 boys and one girl. One evening the summer of June 23, 2018, my son went on his daily fishing hobby, Bow fishing. That week, it had rained a lot in the South, precisely in "Slap Out" Alabama. He went missing from the spot he fished all the time and the gates to the damn had been opened. I don't know to this day if the gates opened while he was still below or trying to hurry and get out, but no sign of him for 2 days. Some people fishing that Sunday at about 3:30 pm saw his body and alerted the rescue teams. It was my son.

Unfortunately, we could not view the body due to the damage I guess. It is now coming a year that I could hardly believe my heart, my heart was gone.

Your story drew me to talk about it and thank you for sharing.

I have always been leary of children in the water. But you never know when something so tragic can happen to anyone.

Your baby was only 4 and had not even experienced life. My heart goes out to you.
Angela
05
May
2018
We almost lost our 3 year old grandson in our pool last Saturday. Your words are exactly what is going through my mind. We believe we lost sight of him for 30 seconds, maybe 1 minute. But it was an eternity. We were all outside, 4 adults, 5 grandsons ~ 11, 10, 7, 5 and 3 yrs old and my 35 yr old mentally handicapped son. The 2 older grandsons know how to swim, the 3 little ones are learning. They do not get in the pool without their arm floaties. My husband and I have been hawks around the pool with all our children and especially our son. We don't have a fence around our pool anymore. We have 3 different locks on our arcadia door leading out to the back yard and the law in Nana's house is no kids outside without Nana and Tata. But it still did not matter. We have many different floatation items, we buy floaties all the time, through out the year, It doesn't matter. Our baby grandson is a daredevil and he knows he is not allowed to get in the pool without his floaties. We even make the 3 little ones keep their arm floaties on when they are sitting around the pool. We adults (my daughters, husband and myself) all sit in front of the pool to make sure we have our eyes on the pool. But it doesn't matter. He was done swimming, we were getting ready to grill. He was sitting next to me on the left, drying off. I turned to my right side to talk to my daughter and that is when he got up and we believe tried to get a toy out of the pool. He was shivering, head first and it was silent. I too never imagined I would be that person, that statistic. He has been in the hospital. The doctors, nurses, EMT even police have been nothing less than miraculous. My grandson does not have any brain damage, all test have come back normal. He is trying to talk but, vocal cord are still weak. He is responsive and looks like my baby boy. We are very lucky, grateful, appreciative and humble. We prayed and prayed, all our family and friends support and prayers have helped us and this miracle we call Gary. Our story could be very different if not for the grace of god and all who worked on him including my daughter's and husband who began CPR right away.

People have already past judgement on us, calling my husband and I irresponsible. It hurts but, I'm not mad at them. I understand. I do not wish this tragedy on anyone, anyone. Our intent was to bring joy to our grandsons, like we have since we began having them. Playing with them in the pool, in our back yard, in our home. Our lives forever changed by this and lessons learned.

I'm going to join a Drowning Prevention Coalition and Advocate, Advocate, Advocate to spread the word of the importance of water safety. It only takes seconds.

Thank you for sharing and allowing me to share. I needed to write this.
virginie Gomes - Mauritius
16
March
2018
Thanks for sharing your message and your story, so sorry to hear about all the parents in the world who have lost a child drowning. 3 months ago we almost lost our 2 year old daughter . I found her floating in our swimming pool and her face had turned blue. I automatically did CPR on her and she eventually regained consciousness. she had so much water in her lungs and was breathing with lots of difficulties. we took her to the nearest public hospital and they managed to clear most of the water from her lungs. she spent the night in ICU with high fever and high pulse from the shock.

She finally work up in the morning with no fever and 100% herself! I do believe it was a miracle as she has no sequelles and is fully herself. Up to now, I still have these images of her little body floating in the water and her blue face and her difficulties breathing and me singing to her and talking to her and kissing her and praying god to save her.. and she fought and she won and she survived! we are some lucky parents and we are so extra careful today.

To all parents who went through a loss or who, like me had a miracle, drowning happens so quickly but we cant blame ourselves for what happen as it will not help us. like other parents, I am still fighting those horrible images out of my mind and reading all your stories help me go through all this and me also I want to do something about this and help other parents.. how? deepest condolences to all of you
Christopher Castro
06
March
2018
On June 18, at 4:00 pm Boca Grande, Florida my brother Javier Castro was washed away by waves, while saving 3 people . My family and I experience a tragedies that would end up leaving us traumatized forever. To a Father and Mother who lost a Humble Child and a role model also two Brothers and a younger sister. My name is Chris, and I was there to experience that tragedies. Having my brother save my life, my girlfriend life and my sister life it open my eyes in many ways. Made me realize that life can be short. I would've never thought it can happen to me. My Brother Javier Castro made attend to be a bold and brave hero to save the life of his love ones...but sadly not himself. It truly hurts knowing my brother is lost at sea. Till this day I can't bare with pain. ALL I ever do is cry.
Annie
04
January
2018
My deepest condolences, i can feel the pain u gone through, i lost my 18 months old this year , april 7th 2017 , drowned in the pool , with every one at home , it took few mins , and we lost our every thing . I am looking forward for doing any sort of charitable thing on her name , if need help , most welcome
Crystal Scott
16
December
2017
Thank you for being so brave to share your story. I recently loss my 3-year-old son, 9/9/17- in a drowning while he was over his grandma's house for a weekend. Looking up stories from other families who have experienced our tragedy is helping me grieve. I cant move on yet... I feel sad for my son because he relied on me.
Thank you for your courage, it has helped me along my journey. My deepest condolences
jim mcpartlin
06
June
2017
Great support story
tammy kuestner
27
February
2017
I filled up with tears as I read your story. It hurts so much! We lost our keven who was 3 1/2 years old when he drowned. he was at the babysitters' and was unsupervised. the gate did not latch and he pushed it open. he went after the pool toys. that was 9 years ago.

i always wanted to do something in our son's name. i am trying now to get started. i am in Pennsylvania. not too many local sites come up under drowning support groups.

thank you for listening,

tammy Kuestner